Is this a far fetched adoption view point?

Dorian

I agree with Harriet. You might have abandonment issues or you might not...many adoptees do feel a sense of abandonment but many don't. And I know many new mothers who feel the way you do, and they weren't adopted. I think your feelings are totally normal. It might help to join a new mothers support group or parenting group. Sometimes it's nice to have others in your same situation to talk things out with. Personally, I think your sister's idea is a little far fetched but she's likely projecting her own feelings of adoption onto your situation, it sounds like she does have abandonment issues.

LinnyG

I think many Moms feel this way, but it can be overwhelming for adoptees. I was afraid to let anyone near my baby, because I was afraid she would think I was abandoning her. Its very common for adoptees to have these fears when they have children of their own. It didnt really get better for me as they grew older, either.

The trauma from being separated from our first Moms lasts a lifetime, and manifests itself in many ways.

Torrejon

Why would your baby feel abandoned if you left him? How does he even know that you are his mother? If he is being well taken care of by someone else, why should he care that you are not there? The answers to all those questions are the same as to why YOU might have abandonment issues from your own adoption.

You might not remember being "abandoned", but it still affects your behavior. Do you remember learning to walk, or being potty trained, or why you're afraid of spiders? Probably not, but those memories are there, affecting your behavior in ways that you might not realize.

Read Nancy Verrier's The Primal Wound. Wonderful to read as a mother...so hard to read if you are the "child" that was abandoned.

Harriet

It does sound a little far fetched, but then that all depends on whether you do actually have abandonment issues. If you do then maybe that might go some way as to explaining why you are so protective of your son.
However, having your first child is a massive leap for anyone and I think you'll find there are plenty of people out there (adopted or not!) that struggle leaving their brand new baby. I think it comes with the territory of being a new mum!
If it's really a problem chat to someone :)

Congratulations on your new baby :)

H******

Not at all! It makes perfect sense

courtney

well I think that probably has something to do with it, but every mother worries about her child.
=)

I think this has to do more with you being a new mom than the fact that you were adopted. I was very protective of my first child. I am very protective to this day of all my children. My Mom gets a little aggravated at me sometimes because I won't leave them at a kids party, or swim practice. I check out sitters and everything. Just can't be to careful anymore.

Expecting 11/7/10 <3

I don't think it is necessarily far fetched at all. Adoptees need to understand that know matter how you have coped with being adopted, whether is has been 5 years or 40 years, you are always going to have to face situations which lead back to the abandonment. It doesn't make us weird or crazy, it is just we have experienced things in life, that others have not, and it has "scarred" us. Does that mean we can not move on with it and carry on a normal life? No, we can we just need to accept that there issues we have, that we will always have nd learn how to manage with it.

ROBIN

After losing my oldest two children to adoption, I became obsessed with being a perfect mother to my two raised children, being with them every minute and in constant fear that they would be taken from me, even though I was married and older (but not by much). With all due respect, adoptees are not the only ones with severe abandonment issues. I and my mother and sisters were abandoned by my father, I was abandoned by the father of my oldest child, raped by the father of the second and sent away, isolated and abandoned by my parents and others when I needed them the most. I was all alone, with no one to help me fight for my children and was constantly told I was unfit and unworthy. Yeah....loss, such as that which happens with adoption, can definitely cause that kind of reaction.

Tanya

I think it is perfectly normal to want to be with your kids but i also understand that when your adopted you feel that you have blood relatives for the first time and just get the feeling that you never want to let them go. do make time for yourself though.

Lady Gaga person.

maybe a little far fetched. i was abandon when i was little, and was found and put in an orphanage. i was adopted and now live in a good home. all moms are different, therefore having different points of view on this, but i feel that your baby as it grows, will feel the need for you to never leave it alone. As it gets older it will never want to be left alone, and will have issues with not being with you, or being away from you... that is possible for that to happen because you are teaching the baby that it will never be left alone, and that is something that will stay with it for it's life...

Nora

all moms are not afraid to leave the baby with a reliable sitter. you have issues and need some therapy.

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