Is this wrong of me?

tish

"I'm having second thoughts."--then don't terminate your rights.

many women have completed education (including me) and changed their mind about adoption. i was a freshman in college, didn't have much money and made a plan. i later changed my mind. my son and i are together and i will have an earned doctorate next spring.

and this was before on-line education.

although i understand that you "feel bad" for the aparents, you need to understand that this child was conceived by YOU and nurtured and birthed by YOU. sure the aparents will be hurt, but they can be rematched. you can N.E.V.E.R. replace this child. they want A child...you want YOUR child. also your child was not conceived to heal their inability to have a child. as unfortunate as infertility is, young pregnant women in crisis situations should not be expected to "fix" it.

if you are unsure, don't sign any more papers. and let the agency know you wish to not continue with the adoption.

*also...don't get bullied into believing that changing your mind automatically means you have to have a CPS case opened on you or that you have to "prove" you are fit to parent. that's nonesense. simply say, "i wish to parent my child" and walk away.

don't feel guilty about loving and wishing to parent your child.

good luck.

Lori A

If this is a real question,

I would say since you think you can raise this child go get her back. I know you feel sorry for the other couple, but is that what you are going to say 20 years later when you get a second chance with this child? I felt bad for them so I went through with it?

It will be hard for them, they will have to let her go and wait for another child. But it's no harder than you giving her up, and it does not out weigh YOUR WORTH as the childs mother. Take it from someone who's been there.

This is a classic example of adoption being a permenant solution to a tempoary problem. Your daughter isn't going to need much for the first few years. You can get started on the education that is going to support your child.

Good Luck

Freckle Face

Please do not feel guilty.

It is not your job to supply a baby for these people. They are mature adults who should fully understand that you are not able to go thru with this. Adoption is not for everyone, and that is a given in adoption that most prospective adopted parents understand.

Do not feel guilty.

BOTZ

Changing your mind is not wrong. Thinking about changing your mind is not wrong. You are her mother! You have the first, and frankly, the ONLY "right" to be her parent. The situation for the couple you chose is very sad - tragic - but you do not "owe" them your daughter. If you choose to parent your child, they will move on, they will grieve, and they will try again -- or they won't. Whether they do or not is their responsibility, not yours. And please don't let them have your daughter because it would be "better" for her (in terms of money, privilege, whatever...) What is BEST for your daughter is to be with you, her mother. Adoption should be the choice only when it is not possible to be with the natural mother.

I truly hope that they will understand it. I can't imagine taking and raising a child whose mother is capable and willing to do it herself (that mother being YOU). I would hope that they would not even consider it -- given that there are so many children in the world who need, really NEED, adoptive parents. Your daughter does not NEED to be adopted. She is loved, wanted, and can be raised by you -- her natural mother.

I am so sorry for the turmoil and confusion you are feeling. Bring your baby home and raise her and love her and do all the things you are planning and wanting to do. Including to continue your education. To go through with relinquishment out of 'obligation' (where there is none) would be tragic.

Blessings to you and your daughter. And to those couples who are seeking to become parents, too. I hope it does happen for them, in the right way at the right time, with a child who NEEDS a home. Your daughter HAS a home -- with YOU!

Gershom

EDUCATION IS STILL POSSIBLE WITH CHILDREN.

My community college has a daycare right in the family planning center that students who have children USE so that they can finish their education.

Whoever made up the myth that you can't finish school and raise a child is WRONG.

YOU CAN DO IT.

GO GET YOUR BABY.

do NOT, i repeat NOT let "guilt" keep you from your child. Adoption is NOT about THEM. They will find another baby and ANY baby will do. GO.GET.YOUR.BABY.

chelsea s

Your child is loved my two parties now. It is true that you will hurt the adoptive parents by reclaiming your child. But that is the risk adoptive parents have to take. They know this, and should be prepared for it. It is their cross to bear.

But your heartache would be much greater than theirs if you were to refrain from keeping your child just to spare the adoptive parent's feelings. She is your child. She knows only you. You deserve to parent her above anyone else. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

Good luck in your future endeavors.

Taylor

Sweetie, it is totally up to you and only you. You're her mother, you have more rights then they do.

I know you'll do what's right.

snowwillow20

Keep your baby. You can't worry about the adoptive parents, you can only think of you and your baby. It will be extremely hard for them, but if you give your daughter up you will have a hundred years of heartache. They have only had her a week, you have had her for 9 months. In the end, the decision is yours.

kaylee & Cole's mommy

If you don't do whats in your heart then you will be the one regretting it in the end you will never be the same it is ok to feel bad for the other parents but she is your daughter so be her mother. Just follow your heart , but you need to do something soon !

wife and mother

I think you are doing the right thing. She is your child. I know you are worried about the education thing. My friend had her baby girl a year and a half ago. She no collage education. But she is supporting her and her baby. If you don't keep your child you will miss her for the rest of your life! I know that you promised you baby to some one else, but she is yours. You gave birth to her. If you give her up you will regret it.

MomMom

Get your baby home with you as soon as possible. I cannot stress this enough. You can do it.

mrs

honey, this is a tough situation that only you can answer. there are plenty of people that are going to tell you definitely yes or defintely no. listen to me: do what you feel is right in your heart. think about the present and the future. think about how you and your baby will feel in the future. i wouldn't worry too much about the adoptive parents. there are plenty of people giving their babies up for adoption everyday. good luck and i wish you the best.

Gaia Raain

GO GET YOUR BABY!!!!

My husband and I have been waiting to adopt for about 5 years now, altogether. We have been homestudy approved for nearly 2 years. YOU DON'T OWE ANYONE YOUR BABY, and a year and a half isn't that long to wait.

THEY can get another child. YOU can't! The ONLY baby you gave birth to is YOUR baby.

My entire body, heart, and soul are crying for you right now. Seriously, go get your baby!!! DO NOT let them guilt you into thinking you owe them your child! I'm sorry they can't have babies, I really am. I understand the desire to have a child. But that has NOTHING to do with you or YOUR baby!

((HUGS))

i say keep the baby if you love it that much. It it was my baby i would keep it.

Sofiakat

These potential adoptive parents already know that there is a chance you may change your mind. They also know that you have a right to change your mind.
If you believe you can raise your child, than you should do so.
I am an adoptive parent myself. If I were in their position, it would hurt like hell, but at least I would know that I hadn't seperated a mother who really wanted her child from a baby that really wanted her mother. I would eventually move on, and adopt a child that needed me.
You need to follow your heart and be honest with them about how you are feeling.

KE23

It is not wrong... the child is yours .. I had a child when I was 18 and I had contemplated adoption. I simply could not do it. I was just like you.... I knew I wanted a college education. Well, needless to say, I kept my daughter and she is now 4 years old. I am still in college, going for my law degree :) Looking back now, I realize that I would have never wanted it any other way. If you are determined you can make it happen.

stacy62774

You may regret putting your child up for adoption, I couldn't do it to my own kids. Now a days you also hear of parents and children looking for each other after they have been adopted. You should follow your gut and keep your baby.

Chloe

This is your baby!
Don't feel guilty, they sound like an intelligent, wealthy couple who will get another chance, but if you let them take her, you WILL NOT see her again, so take your baby back.

celtic.piskie

It's not too late... Please don't sign.

Many women can get an education and have children.

It's hard, of course it is. But please, if you love this child, please let her see her mother.

It really isn't about them.

This is your daughter. You are her mother, and she needs you.

Never let anyone feel guilty. Take your daughter and do whatever you have to to raise her.

You can get an education anytime, but you will loose your child if you don't act now.

Don't feel guilty, just get your daughter back.

jenn

It's not wrong to love your baby, or to want to keep her. My family didn't have a lot of money, but I couldn't ask for a better mother. You don't have to be able to spoil her to be a good mother. It will be hard, but I think whether you're single or not it will be hard. Being a parent isn't easy.

I know a woman who still cries on her son's birthday. (he's in his mid-thirties now) She was only fifteen when she gave him up. She married the father a couple of years later and they had a baby right away. She said she was a momma without a baby. She still thinks about her baby, that she hasn't seen since she had him.

I don't want you to put yourself in that situation. If you want your baby, keep your baby.

Brittilove

Awww! this is a pretty sad story . I think you should do what is best for you and the baby . Just explain how you feel to the family and I'm sure they will understand. It would be best if you could tell them as soon as possible.
Good Luck !

April D

Part of the process of adopting out a baby is 'choosing the baby's parents.' This is not by accident, this is something adoption agencies do to insure that you feel very guilty if you have second thoughts.

Just think, You've had your baby with you for nine months, they've only been around your daughter for one week. You have 39 weeks more experience with this baby girl than they do.

Good luck!!!

Possum

This is YOUR child - go and get your baby.

The adoptive parents will get over this - they will go and find another baby.

You and your baby WILL NEVER GET OVER BEING SEPARATED.

I know - I've lived it for almost 40 yrs.

Being separated is a pain that NEVER goes away.

Do it NOW - and don't let ANYONE talk you out of it.

Make sure you read this - and do check out Sunny's links for help if you need it -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

Independ"ant"

Keep your baby and the sooner you get him/her the better because who knows what tricks the agency and Pap's may try to play.
Don't listen to people that say if you don't feel 100% sure you can be a parent than don't do it. Thats such crap and a way paps try to guilt teens out of their children. I have never met a mother who gave birth at 19 or 25 for the matter, say that they were 100% ready or felt they could do it. When I was 35 I still didn't feel 100% ready.

Go get your child before they make it complicated. They don't care about what you want but only what they want.

Sweet Spirit

keep the baby..i mean if u dont keep the baby will feel guilty. just tell the couple u want the baby. i guess theyll understand

Dani

Kira, it's really up to you, but I'd keep that baby!

I'm 17 and when I first discovered I was pregnant I immeaditly told myself: I'm not going to put my baby up for adoption, I want her to learn from me.

BPD Wife

The decision is yours - regardless if the adoptive parents have the child already or not. Only you can make the decision for your child. You need to do what is best for you and the child. Where ever that answer leads you, is what you need to do.

Good luck to you. Don't feel guilty. You need to feel comfortable with the decision you make - no matter what that decision is.

Erin L

It is absolutely not wrong. Do not make the decision about what is best for you and your baby based on other people's feelings. That risk is part of what they signed up for. Yes, they will be hurt. But that is nothing compared to the tragedy of a mother and baby being separated who don't have to be.

Sophie

If it is before the legal cut-off date, you had better make your feelings known ASAP. Like, now. She is still legally your child and they know that. Get someone to help you because if you go alone, you could back down since you do care about the couple, too.

There is alot of help out there. You CAN be a Mom if you WANT to.

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