Ive found out who my birth father is. He is a career criminal. What should I do?

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

who cares what he's done. if you want to find your mother, and he is the only way, then just do it.

Looney Tunes

Hm.

This is difficult. Is he dangerous to YOU? Will you get hurt by contacting him? Do you fear him?

If you answer "Yes" to those questions, I would not contact him.

However, if you are personally NOT afraid and you want to find your mother, I would contact him by phone. (Do not give him your address) If he wants to meet, bring a friend or two.

In my case, my bio-father went to prison for many years for abuse. He is now a registered offender, which means whereever he moves he has to tell the police that he is there. He is on the internet in the national offender list...so I know where he is. I don't know where my bio-mother is. But, because my bio-father was so dangerous to me and my siblings, I would never contact him.
I am too afraid for me....

I don't know what your father's rap sheet is for....obviously things that hurt people are more dangerous to you. But if you want to find your mother, and YOU are not afraid, go for it.

=======
Daisymay: I wholeheartedly DISAGREE with you. If a birth-parents has been abusive and hurtful to a child, there is NO reason a child should stay in contact with those parents. Parents that continuously hurt their children do not deserve the right to be called parents.

Matthew C

contact him if you want to find your mother

BOTZ

This question made two men instantly spring to my mind. One is my father. The other is the father of my niece (not in her life).

My natural father has a record, too. I have contact with him and it's never been a problem. I am a 36 year old woman and I've known him for about 3 years. He was not forthcoming at first about his life, but my mother (who I found first) and his best friend had done a pretty good job of filling in all the details before he started to really open up. Although Ms. Beaverhausen "has me beat", so to speak, when it comes to WHAT is on our respective fathers' rap sheets (if indeed her father's killing someone what a crime rather than something else), my Dad has his own list "a mile long in several states" like yours.

If you don't know for sure it's him, I'd suggest you at least find out THAT MUCH if it's at all possible.

Please consider that fathers are not USUALLY inclined to hurt their own children and the laundry list of NON-violent and NON-threatening, but nonetheless illegal, behaviors is significantly longer than those crimes which might seriously pose a threat to you. On the other hand...SOME fathers are inclined to hurt their own children...which brings me to man #2: my niece's father.

My niece's father just got out of prison earlier in 2008. He's a "career criminal" whose crime of choice is molesting and raping little girls -- I mean LITTLE girls. At least one of his known victims is a family member of his -- known, in this case, meaning the rapes/abuses he has been convicted of. He's been accused (but not convicted) of abusing other little girls in his family the same way. He's also a "person of interest" in an unsolved rape/murder of a little girl (age 7) from many years ago.

THAT type of "career criminal" I would avoid like the plague. Even if you are an adult. Especially if you have any little girls in your life (knowing of this man's...um...proclivity...and personality and tricks). Given what my niece's father has on his rap sheet, my niece will be told who he is ONLY when she is an adult and ONLY when she can fully understand the nature of his, uh, nature. Scary as it may be, she does have a right to know who he is (as an adult) and decide how to proceed from there.

(We have documentation of his actual convictions as well as his arrests for same, lest she think her mother is making it up. She will have the FACTS to deal with.)

I'm telling you all this because you don't specify what crimes (or types of crimes) he has committed or how much time has passed (if any) since his criminal 'activity', or last conviction.

Lastly, bear in mind that I am a social worker while/if you consider my answer. I am the type that believes people can change, that people are basically (or at least born) good and that all people have some good in their natures -- even people who've committed crimes.

I am also an adoptee and I couldn't bear not knowing -- for myself. Two of the strong reasons for that are that I never fit in or measured up where I grew up and that I had no genetic mirroring around me. And, also, someone else decided I wasn't allowed to know who my natural family members are. Nothing motivates me to do something like a person (or government) telling me I'm "not allowed" to do it! Heh! Maybe I got that from my Dad?

And, if you happen to get an answer from someone who has an avatar called "Randy B", bear in mind that he's a cop. At least he's said here (more than a few times) that he is. I'm not trying to rip on him. I don't know (have never heard) his position on "career criminals" but I have known a lot of cops. It does 'color' their opinions of everything -- in MY opinion. They are the protectors. They 'see' threats that the rest of us don't.

Just my $.02

Take care!

leila

have a third party contact him so you can't be manipulated by him.

justathought

I contacted my birth father when I was 18. You have to be prepared for whatever response you get from him if you do decide to contact him... you can't go in with expectations because regardless of what your expectations are... he won't meet them; good or bad.

His criminal past is not relevant to you wanting you meet your biological father. His activities are not your concern. Your motive for contacting him is to meet him and get possible information on your biological mother. I would suggest you call him directly, explain who you are and ask him if he'd be willing to help you. No sense tippy toeing around the issue. This is about you... not him.

â™¥ Black Adder

Personally, I would not contact him. If he is a career criminal, the fact that you are his son is not going to stop him from trying to rip you off, as well. It is too likely that he will try and gain your trust and then start playing on the old heart strings about how you need to help him out financially.....that he needs a place to stay.....he needs to borrow your car......you catch the drift.

Try to find another way to locate your birth mother. You probably already know that there is a national data base that you can register that you are looking for your birth mom. Will your adoptive parents give you a hand finding her?

Good luck. I hope you find your birth mom.

Daisymay

I think every child should stay connected with their birth parents. Obviously, if he is a career criminal you won't go shopping at the mall with him on weekends. But maybe a letter once a year or something. Remember, he isn't a BAD person, he just makes bad choices.
If it were me, I would contact him. But I would also not want him to know where I lived or worked.

Good luck.

~~~rach~~~

contact him, do a paternity test and if he is your father you should defo have contact, just because he is a criminal doesn't mean he can't be a good father.... you'll never no until you try..... GOOD LUCK XXXXXXX

IRIS

Stay away from him.

Indian-vision

commiting crime is not an addiction, meaning its not something that was not in his hands.Those were his actions in sane mind. He could never clean his act even for his family.
On the other hand you don't know his side of the story. If you go ahead and contact him be very cautious and protect your I.D. (home address, S.S No,bank account no: etc).
I hope you find peace in whatever you do.

christina c

when i was sixteen i had a chance to talk with my biological father. it did not go well at all. i had just found out that i had a sister and other brothers that had been looking for me ever since the police walked into my grandmother's house and took us away. i was the second youngest of 6. a brother 2 years older than me was adopted along with me to the same family. my sister told our father to call on such and such a day at a certain time because she had a surprise for him. i was th

naye77041

i think you should contact him anyway, just take precautions, write him a letter first and always have someone with you if you want to meet with him.

Beeeoootch

He might be cool and just have a drinking or drug problem as long as he is not a rapist I would talk to him or when it is to late you might wish you did when you had the chance

vw2kbug

Call Maury.

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