Just A Few Questions About Adoption?

Hi! Um, well, okay, I just found Yahoo! Answers and this forum because I was looking for some information. My aunt and uncle adopted 2 year old twin girls from my cousin because she's a drug addict and she did a lot of terrible things so I thought I'd kind of look around and try to read about if someone had a similar thing happen in their family. But that's not what I wanted to ask.

Okay, so I've been looking threw this forum and there's some stuff I don't really understand. Maybe it's because I'm only 14 and I don't really get it but I'm hoping someone can answer so I can understand. It seems like some people don't like adoption and after I read some answers and watched some of the videos on youtube I kind of understand because sometimes adoption people can like convince you to give your baby to new parents and you can have regret about what happened and miss your baby. Like are you anti-adoption if the baby is now 3 or 4 and has no parents and someone adopts him?
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Like, there are babies in other countries and even in this country who's parents give them up and they are older so is adoption still bad then? What should people do because if there parents don't want them but someone else wants to adopt them then is that okay? Like it would be cool if everyone could keep their babies but like in China and Africa and stuff people are sometimes to poor to take care of them. So is it okay to adopt the kids then? I hope someone can explain this to me.

sizesmith

In "natural" families, where adoption has never taken place, and in adoptive families, there are always some who get abused, get parents who aren't nice, and worse. Some women have given their babies up, from being in a horrible situation, often stemming from being abused, and then, when it's too late, realize that if they'd just had a little help, they could have raised the baby that they now miss so badly.
Mental illness, including depression, is often inherited. It's often a contributing factor to why women give their children up for adoption, or why they end up addicted, or without a job, or other reason that they lose their kids to the state. Then, the adoptee (the person who'd been given up for adoption), ends up not only depressed, but with identity crisis, because they're feeling rejected, given up, and more on top of "normal" clinical depression.

Also, the shock factor of finding out you are adopted, or realizing what adoption is can be frightening. I am totally for open adoption, where a child has the right to know where they came from, to realize that the reason they were placed is not their fault, and that sometimes, life can change for the better for their first moms and then the possibility of having them back in their life can be possible. I do not believe that any woman, especially young women, should give up their child to a closed adoption, unless their past can somehow endanger the baby's life. I believe that being an adoptive parent in my life situation means that I'm another one of the people that loves my son. His first mother loved him first, but had so many problems, that even with some help, she'd have to help herself first to be able to parent. I know that for my son, I'm the best parent there is/was for him. I love his first mother for placing him with me, and she's pregnant again, and I'm hoping she wants me to raise this baby also, although I'm going to try to help her again, if she'll let me. For all of her children's sakes, her oldest, my son, and the baby on the way, I wish she'd get her life straight.

Hating adoption from the standpoint of a child who was adopted and had a horrible life is a one-sided option. There are so many different variables in these people's lives, and I pray for each one, however, there are also many great stories about adoptions, and reuniting, and living a fun, normal life, whether you are an adoptee, or just a normal kid. I'm a strong person, and I don't think adoption would have affected me in the ways it's affected many on this forum. Youtube is also many times a one-sided issue on adoption. The feelings of the individual there are real, don't get me wrong, however, many people in normal life also have issues with parents, kids, siblings, and life in general. We just don't have a legitimate reason to blame life on.

Romany

At 14, it doesn't surprise me that you believe what the general public believes - that children put up for adoption are (a) unwanted, (b) have parents who are too poor to care for them, and/or (c) have parents who are drunks or drug addicts or child abusers.

While that may be true in cases - there are also parents who thought they were putting their children into a foster care arrangement until they could be in a better position to care for them - such as when a mother is seriously ill, or widowed. They find out the children have been adopted against their wishes and they can never see them again. That sounds like a crime to me.

For the adoptees - whatever the reason they were given up in the first place - they are stripped of their heritage and, for international adoption, their homeland. Just because in Amerika - we have more money and can give these "poor" children "a better life". If that is the case - why not take them all? Clearly, Amerikans have more money than most people in any third world country.

For domestic adoptees, who are in their 30s or even 70s - our birth certificates and adoption records are sealed in 44 states. I cannot know my mother's name without getting a court order. And if you don't have a life-or-death issue, don't even bother trying.

Many adoptive parents understand that their children may want to find out and even meet their birth family. Others feel that if adopted "children" want to search, they are ungrateful and don't love their real parents, the ones who took them in, changed their diapers, took them to school, etc.

All I know is, as a healthy white infant in the 1950s - I don't need to be grateful that someone "took me in" when I was "unwanted". I wasn't a throwaway, I was a high demand item. Why else would someone pay thousands of dollars just for the privilege of raising me? But, that doesn't get me any closer to knowing my mother's name.

Tsunami

I was adopted. I was adopted by my Great Aunt and Uncle. Yes in my case it was good. My real parents were drunks and into drugs at thet ime. My mom left right after i was born iin 1949. THe two young sisters i had also we'rent adopted out and their lives were not good. they had to put up with alot even thought our real grandma helped raise them Is adotpiion good yes its good. People that helpchildren and move on with them are at least glad cause they have children and the real bio parents can't take care of them or wont' there are many that are older and not adopted its sad but its happens. if you had a child the best thing to do rather then abortion (murder in my opinion) is to adopt them otu and let them go and grow. there are so many out there wanting kids and they do take good care of them once in awhile you get a bad person but not too often. take care i hope you understand now. its great to have a second chance and sometimes you get to see biol parents or mom or dad which ever and its ok but the feeling parents are gone fromt hem but its nice to see them

April W

Adoption is definitely not bad. I've seen people that SHOULD have given up their children up for adoption--it's better to give your child to a loving home than to be resentful about being a parent before you were ready and ignore the poor kid half its life or keep the child even though there's not enough money to take care of it properly. (My mom-in-law once knew a teen mom that was homeless and STILL kept the baby.) Unfortunately, the child that was kept ends up paying the price in the end and would have probably done just fine in an adopted home. I also know some people that would be perfect parents except that they can't because of medical reasons.

Daniel K

Adoption is always a good thing when it is in the child's best interest.

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