Just curious what the pitfalls of adoption are?

Gregg

One day when you get in a huge fight, your adopted child will say "SHUT UP YOUR NOT MY REAL MOM!"

How do I know? This is what I did.

Raven

Pitfalls: For us P/APs not many. If you choose an agency or private adoption the mother can choose to take her child back, which is really what's best for the baby 99% of the time. I guess one could argue that the price people pay for a white newborn and how long you wait is "unfair" but that's only because there IS NOT a large amount of available white newborns up for adoption which I'm glad about.

The reason it takes so long for MOST couples to adopt (4-6) years in cases I've seen, is that they want one of those white newborns I've mentioned. There are NOWHERE near enough white newborn babies to meet the demands of those trying to adopt them. Meanwhile no one seeks older children (6-17) because they are damaged or have attachment/emotional issues that the couple doesn't want to handle.... It is sad really, so many GOOD AND HEALTHY children are passed over for reasons that don't even include them so year after year they wait for something that may never come.

I urge you to think about Foster Care and older children, its low cost (most times) it gives a child IN NEED a home and you a child. They're not defective or crazy... they simply need a chance at the life every child deserves for being born.

grapesgum

Number one myth - "there are so many babies in need". Not true. There are almost no babies in need. Very, very few natural parents give their babies away to strangers these days

There are older children who need foster care homes. Sometimes foster children become available for adoption.

Adoptive parents consider the rights of natural families to be "obstacles" and lobby lawmakers to reduce those rights.

minimouse68

There are NOT lots of babies available for adoption.......that's a myth. Within your own country you will find a huge number of kids aging out of foster care because PAP's all want womb wet infants....that's why there are long waiting lists, there are literally dozens of parents for every baby relinquished. If you want to help a child, adopt from foster care. If you want a newborn, have your own. Most adult adoptees have struggled their whole lives with issues relating to their adoptions, abandonment issues, fear of failure, fear of rejection.....you name it, Ive been through it, am still going through it even though I was reunited with my first family when I was 34.

Susan

babies arent in need. if you adopt in the future, adopt an older child. babies are in DEMAND, that is why it takes so long.
the pitfalls, well, you are a mother, so im sure you can empathise with the natural mother who has lost her child for whatever reason, coercian, social stigma, or indeed even by her own choice and feeling unprepared or unable to keep her baby, which does not negate her feelings.
then of course there is the fact that a child has lost his mother, father, any future siblings and usually any ties to his natural family, genealogy, sometimes culture. they grow up, often, feeling abandoned or unwanted, and different from their adoptive family.

a pitfall of adoption is not just about obstacles that stood in the way of the adopters, of course that is what usually comes into peoples minds, how it will affect THEM. look into the psychology of adoption and you may be surprised. there is more to a babies mind and understanding then previously thought.
older kids do need homes, but most people either want a shiny new baby and are willing to pay massive amounts of money for that baby, or they dont want a damaged child who may have issues.

and to let you know, the dynamics of an adoptive family is often even more complicated with a biological child in the scene. for both children, that can be very complicated.

aloha.girl59

1) The child grows up not looking like anyone in his "family."
2) The child doesn't know anyone who is biologically related to him.
3) The child, if adopted internationally, loses his language, culture, and customs.
4) The child experiences a loss, no matter how much he "gains," by losing his natural family.
5) The bio parents experience a huge loss by not raising their child themselves.
6) The bio parents often never recover from their loss and many never have any other children for fear they too will be lost.

Oh...wait. You wanted pitfalls for adoptive parents? Psssh. Other than the biological mother possibly changing her mind and keeping her child (which is what is best for the child!), nothing.

Matt

Interesting Question..... But your question is directed to the wrong group of people! You should be asking adoptees what their obstacles were they came across in their adoption! Just because ( The Adoptee) is the only one who suffers from adoption. Unless , Your like alot of the other adopted parents here ( Like Dread Head Mama) that can care less about the pain and agony adoptees go through being given away at birth and forced to grow up with strangers, All they care about is themselves and think that every adoptee should be just so happy that they were adopted!
Some people were never meant to have kids, period!
You said that you already have one biological child, Why don't you try to have another one, unless your not able to have any more kids.....
Im an adoptee, and I am not a fan of adoption at all, That being said, There are some ( And I say some) happy adoption stories out there, but for every one happy story there is, there are dozens of bad adoption stories...... Some of the blame of the bad adoption stories rests with the adopted parents! They think if they adopt a child, that they are now that child's real parents, That's what it might say on a piece of paper , but that doesn't make it so................
You will hear alot of adopted parents( Not all) say" Just because she gave birth to a child, that doesn't make her a mother, Well there is a flip side to that coin..... Just because you adopt a child, That doesn't mean you are automatically a good parent or know how to be a parent!!!!!!!!
There are "Some" really good adoptive parents out there that do a really good job raising adoptees, But there are also some real dirt bags out there that should of never been allowed to adopt or be a parent............ All Im saying is if you want to know what kind of obstacles people face with adoption, Then you should be asking the ones that have experienced it first hand, The adoptees....
Good Luck ........

Blah blah blahhh

There's no pitfalls for the adoptive parents. It's all cookies and icecream for them. Only for the adoptee and his first family are there pitfalls.

Jennifer L

You need to be aware of the possibility of corruption and lack of ethics in all areas of adoption. Whether you adopt domestically, internationally or through foster care, there are cases of children being made available for adoption through dishonest means. NO form of adoption is guaranteed to be corruption-free. You need to know how the process is -supposed- to work so that if something unexpected happens, you know enough for it to trigger a red flag. Adoption agencies, state agencies or international agencies may not be completely honest and forthcoming with information. Again, this happens with *ALL* forms of adoption. An infant adoption agency may not be truthful about the biological parents. A state agency may "sanitize" the documentation to disguise the full extent of the child's needs because they get a bonus for adopting out the "hard to place" children. An international agency may be buying or stealing babies from women. You need to be constantly alert and on-guard through the process.

msdarkness

i love children but needless to say they are a royal pain in the a-- , but that come with the territory adopted or not.

Dread Head momma 2/4

the first thing you need to do is NOT ask people on here what they think... you are going to get slamed by people who have multiple accounts and strive on hurting other members. What you need todo is contact a local adoptee support group, or whatever system they have in place... or go to a REAL adoption forum with REAL people who have REALLY experienced adoption... not here with all it's scummy folks who are only out to get reactions from people like you...

don't give up, good luck in your journey, i wish you all the best!

QTpie

Well so far no pitfalls for our family. Only lots of love & the best decision we ever made! There are all kinds of adoption, but if I were you I would check into adopting from foster care. There are waiting children who need loving parents. Normally the State you live in pays the adoption fees & the child gets medical care & 4 years of College tuition at any university in the State where the adoption took place. There is private adoption & also international adoption....Good luck & as an adoptive/biological mommy I say go for it!!

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