Just some thoughts?

Attorney in FL

Don't even think for an instant that you need to defend yourself. Sounds like you were the angel your son needed, and you have done a wonderful thing for yourself and for him. It takes very little effort and no brain at all to get pregnant or get someone pregnant. But it does take a lot of stamina, perseverance and desire to make it through the adoption process. No one knows until they have been there. The people who keep popping out kids and who are lousy parents and providers are the ones who deserve everyone's scorn, not adoptive parents. There are many neglected and abandoned kids in this world who owe everything to parents they are not related to by blood, but who opened their homes and hearts and arms to a stranger's child.

Justice

I appreciate your unique situation and support you being there for your adopted son.

There are some phrases that are very triggering for many of us. That a child grows in your heart is one of them. I'm sure you mean well and mean to be some sort of poetic. But it doesn't work. The child grows first in it's mother's uterus and then on the earth, hopefully surrounded and protected by your growing love.

The disagreement stems from the pain and suffering experienced by many adoptees and first parents. Please always remember that God blessed YOU with the child in your care. It often has been turned the other way round, ie "Who would have taken him if my husband and I did not?"

As for the OBC being closed, that was not the doing of the first parents at all! I suspect if you looked into it, you would find it is to the advantage of the adoption industry and adoptive parents.

Gershom

I understand why you would have conflicting feelings twords people possibly like myself who do not support the adoption industry.

You, imo have done an admirable thing by taking in a child who needs a secure, structured home to live in and be loved in. And I wish, more than anything in this world, that THAT is how adoption always was. That THAT is what adoption was.

But standing from my view, looking through my eyes, that IS NOT what adoption is. That is what I'm fighting for it to be. Your situation is unique in comparisson to the amount of infant and unecessary adoptions that happen.

So I can see, how when I say that I don't believe in adoption, that would translate to you, possibly that I don't support the safety, love and security that you have given your son who sounds like he really needed it.

My aparents are really great people. What they gave me, isn't adoption. Their love for me, isn't adoption. That is THEM. Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the natural mother or father.

I don't agree with how my state does this, what legally happened to me during the process, and the rights denied to me now! ( in a pinch those are my beliefs )

Now that I think about it I don't believe in anything that involves w/ secrecy around adoption. Nor do i believe in the methods used to "lure" pregnant girls into surrendering their children. And I don't really think that anyone in their right mind WOULD support this IF they knew about it. If they did, they'd be a pretty shady person like the people who created the industry are.

It boils down to family preservation first,and if that can't happen give them homes that respect childrens rights as well.

The infant adoption industry takes away from homes that otherwise could be available for children like your son, children who REALLY do need a home.

Far to many unecessary surrenders are happening and thats not okay. Sealed records, profiting off of babies, alot IS corrupt in adoption. That is what I see people angry about. That really has nothing to do with you other than the records part, and still, that isn't YOUR doing.

So in other words turn that frown upside down, and fight the fight for a better ethical system in adoption so that children like your son will be given top priority in placement to safe, structured homes to grow in.

Adoptionissadnsick

The next time I go through 9 months of morning sickness, swolen feet, a special diet, I'll count myself LUCKY that at least it's not a bunch of paperwork...cause someone who is probably incapable of pregnancy said it's nothing to grow a baby.

FWIW - it doesn't matter if your son never hears you say "if it wasn't us who took him who would" On some level he knows you have that special sorta savior mentality

good job on your rescue.

dory

I agree with Heather H - after trying for eight years to have a child, experiencing four miscarriages, and having a c-section I'd have to say it takes a whole heck of a lot for some of us to have children.

And I probably had it easy - I think of women who have to be bedridden, who have incompetent cervix, who have placenta previa, who have preclampsia, or hyperemesis, or have a premature birth at 28 weeks.

In light of those situations - filling out paperwork and parenting classes is a breeze.

Possum

As an adoptee - please - I just ask - don't ever say this -

"Who would have taken him if my husband and I did not?"

- to you adopted child/adult.

It implies that said adoptee should be grateful.
(think - how would you feel if this statement were said to you??)

Please - just don't say it.

You obviously love you child dearly - and that is great.

Mostly - the cries of disappointment in adoption that have been stated on Yahoo - are to do with INFANT adoptions - and the obvious trolling for expectant mothers.

So many misconceptions with 'adoption' as a whole are sprouted by those that just want a baby - at any cost. (both emotionally and financially)

Family preservation should be supported first - but when that can't happen - other possibilities must be found.

Most mother's who relinquish also love their babies from the minute they set eyes on them - the same as you.

And saying that "it takes nothing to have a child" - really isn't a helpful or truthful statement.

Relinquishing a child - I would bet - is by far a more heartbreaking process than the adoption hoops you had to 'jump' through.

For an adoption to happen - the child is separated from their mother/father. If it doesn't really NEED to happen - why would any compassionate person WANT to put an infant through that??

If it's such a wonderful thing - why aren't all mothers giving up their children for adoption?????

It's a complex issue.

But stating that adoption in all cases is WONDERFUL - is really just false.

In my honest opinion.

mlassi65

It takes nothing to have a child??? If that were the case, infertility clinics would be out of business.

Heather B

Sorry, I only got as far as "it takes nothing to have a child . . "
Excuse me? have you actually carried a child and given birth?!!!! How utterly disrespectful to mothers can you be?

Lillie

I'd like you to do something for me.

Go out into the street and choose some random stranger. Anyone, just as long as it's someone you have never met or even seen before.

Now.

Walk up to that total stranger, put your arms around his/her neck, and firmly press the tip of your nose against his/her nose, and hold it there for 30 seconds.

Imagine what that would feel like.

Would you be very comfortable?

Would you be very comfortable if a total stranger did that to you?

Now, can you imagine how an infant feels, that cute little infant that "grew in your heart" but has never known you, when you decide to adopt him/her?

See, adoptees are not "gifts" from God, they are human beings. We were not "meant" to fulfill anyone's dreams, hopes, etc. To place that expectation on anyone, ESPECIALLY a child, is extremely unfair.

MY problem with adoption is, as Possum stated above, infant adoptions...you know, the ones where PAP's are out there on MySpace, begging for children, writing "Dear Birthmother" letters, trying to convince some young, scared, unsure pregnant woman to give them her baby.

Being young and single is NOT a reason to give up your child.

And these women who DO place, simply because they have no SUPPORT to keep their babies, are not having a particularly easy time of it, either.

I am appalled at the lack of empathy towards the pain that separation causes both mother and child, really I am.

I am all for giving a foster child a loving home, don't get me wrong.

But these people who want a "healthy baby" and nothing less are the reason that the adoption industry is the sick, twisted machine that it is today. It is the reason there is no support for women to keep their babies, and the reason why agencies do everything in their power to convince them to reliquish.

Just think about that.

Think about it every time you see an ad for adoption...and ask yourself, how many times you see anything that suggests keeping families together.

You just don't.

And don't even get me started on sealed records, changing the adoptees' names, denying the adoptees' access to their heritage, their medical info, their genealogy, etc.....

grapesgum

It takes nothing to have a child? What a utter insult to every mother in the world who has given birth. I could not even walk without excruciating pain for the last 2 months of my first pregnancy. I was not laying in bed either - dragged myself out of bed every day to go to work.

I suspect that you are yet another adoptive parent who is looking for sainthood and do so by putting down women who can become mothers without "going through the hoops".

Sorry, but the great parts of your thoughts are lost on the crap that you are parroting that you have heard from people who have never given birth or have never been adopted.

CrazyTrain

Bravo! Good for you! After just reading that post from that Paula person.......It's good to see that there are great people like you out there...and like you stated" adoptive children don't grow in our bodys but, they grow in our hearts" :)

gummy bear

Adoption is wonderful. A sad part of adoption is the older kids who are overlooked because of age. My state has a meet and greet time when all parent candidates are put in a room with kids to be adopted, the older kids look so sad because they have been there before and know once again they won't be picked. I think it's a really cruel way to screen kids for adoption. I'm also saddened by all the good parents that don't adopt because they don't have the 50,000 or so dollars to "buy" a child from the adoption agency. Many churches preach pro life and adoption, but the attorney's always get their big bucks. There are NO reasonable adoption fees.

flowersandhearts

Thank God for good people. Don't let people like Paula bring you down. She must have had a bad experience. I am all for adoption. How many kids wouldbe lost and unloved without it.

kja63

I've never met anyone who hated a person who adopted a child. Where do you live that you encounter such horrible people?

I was adopted when I was a baby. I always knew I was adopted and never had any doubts whatsoever as to who my parents are. They are the loving couple who wanted me more than anything in the world. My parents raised me, cared for me, nurtured me, and loved me unconditionally.

as i

it is all how mind thinks. Biological factors of our own boy
we will have emotional and sensational feelings with biological
factors. whereas adopted son we will not have these. We may
keep good thoughts and feelings about him but we can not
understand whether that will have similar feeling which we can not weigh. We can have we help a person such solace we can
have we can not have affection as we have with our own kith and kin which we should know.

Please don't take the hate speech on this site as indicative of the general population. There are, unfortunately, people that make statements against abortion based on absolutely no facts, all for the purpose of getting a rise out of the good people.

Me... :)

Well said.

I think adoption is a good thing. Some times the adoptee may not end up with great parents but then that happens to kids with their natural parents as well.

Snickette

Hey sweetie, this is about the worst place you can go to if you want to talk or read about adoption.
A lot of the people you are talking about make some great points, but no matter how much you can see their point of view, they WILL NOT see yours!
It's only a few people on here-they usually sprout the most ridiculously overblown answers-but they will take every opportunity to convince you that they are right, always.

I'm an adoptee, I'm a foster parent, an adoptive parent, and I have bio kids. Believe me when I say I've experienced it ALL! Do what's right for you and your son, help him on his journey through life, take care of all his unique needs-relative to adoption or not-and don't let others tell you something that you don't need to hear if it's not relevent to your situation.
There are just some people around who are anti everything adoption, regardless of what they say.

Good luck, I wish you and your family all the best xxx

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