Just want some opinions about my birth mother telling her family.?

MS A

I found out in my late 20's that my parents had given up a child for adoption. My siblings and I had no clue until he contacted our mother.

At first I was EXTREMELY angry. I think it's a normal reaction. The anger only lastest a few days and then I sat down and had a long talk with my Mom. Things worked out okay.

Honestly, I would have been less forgiving if I found out that she had been in contact with him for a year and didn't tell me. The longer your birth mother puts it off, the worse it will be for her daughter.

As far as a spouse, I think the reaction might be more hurt than angry. I would feel like my spouse didn't trust me enough to tell me something so personal.

I definitely don't think it would be grounds for divorce, but she needs to be ready for an initial reaction that may not be good. They will come around, though.

The English Teacher

No. I think she had a life before she met me and was free to do as she liked. What she did beforehand isn't my concern, I would just be there to support her (if I was a man, of course).

ashh18xoxo

i would be upset my husband/wife hadn't told me before, but i would ask where the situation was headed and question my spouses next move. i wouldn't divorce them for having a past, only if her past majorly effects my future in a bad way.

good luck, this kind of stuff is really hard for everyone involved. (including your birth mothers husband.)

Independ"ant"

My heart would break instantly that he couldn't share such a heart breaking experience with me and I would support and encourage him to encourage you to be part of our family. Good luck and I hope that her husband can be as sympathetic. I believe it would be the opposite of grounds for divorce. It very well could bring the family closer together. I'm sorry that your mom didn't get the support she needed when she gave birth to you. Hopefully this will change for future women facing this god awful decision.

candlemaker101751

my experience..i had twins i gave to family at birth. i saw them all their life but their doptive mom didnt want me to really have anything to do with them. she talked nasty about me all their life. when one of them was 20 she called me and we have had a wonderful relationship ever since, the other finally came around a couple years ago.

if i had a spouse that had given up a baby, i would understand that at the time it was the best thing for the child. i dont think you are interfering if your birth mom wants a relationship. just take it slow

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

a divorce!??? good lord. not a chance. if my fiance told me he had a child out there, i would be SO excited to know her....

i would NEVER divorce him.

when people love eachother, they find a way to understand.

Gaia Raain

I am not an adoptee, so I hope it's ok that I'm answering. The thing that keeps rattling around in my mind is that it's not your fault if your mother has an unstable relationship with her husband. Even if he DOES leave her, that would be her issue, not yours.

I fully understand that this affects you deeply, and in ways I can't even begin to fathom. I just hope that you are kind to yourself, no matter what happens. Your mother made the decision not to tell her current husband - that has nothing to do with you. And his reaction has nothing to do with you, either.

My heart aches for you. Please be kind to yourself. You deserve it!

smm

her husband may be very surprised, but it depends on the person. if he's the jealous sort he may hate the evidence that his wife has ever been with someone else. or he may be the type who always wanted a son (if you're a guy) or always wanted a large family or something and will be extremely happy that you're around. but hiding you really isn't the best bet, the family needs to be told so you all can deal with it. besides, never mind the marriage, you're denying someone a big brother/sister here.

Santa's Lil' Helper

I think I would be hurt that he could not share this with me.
But relinquishing a child has to be the most devastating thing a woman could ever do. I am sure he loves her very much and
will try and wrap his head around what she has to tell him.

My concern would be more with your sister she may experience feelings of hurt and rejection. I think it is very compassionate that you are considering how her family may feel. But remember your mother's family is YOUR family. You have a right to be known and not kept a secret and you should not feel guilty for that. As an adoptive mother myself I am so glad that you have found your mom and that you have a relationship. :-) Best of luck!

Teegan

I would probably be mad at first but I don't think I'd get a divorce over it. It all depends on the person though.

Crucio

Hmm well I donâ€™t think I would feel betrayed but Iâ€™d probably be upset that my spouse did not just tell me earlier. I donâ€™t think it would be something that would end the marriage. Even more when itâ€™s something that happened long before they even meet.

sizesmith

If her relationship is in good shape, it shouldn't hurt it. You haven't said how old you are. It makes a different in society to many.

I shouldn't be grounds for divorce, but it remotely could be construed as relationship based on fraud.

I was married, and found out my husband had several children (and wives) he didn't tell me about, but his purpose was fraud. If he's come to me to be clean about it, it wouldn't have been such a shock. As it was we did get an annullment.

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