Just wondering?

magic pointe shoes

Picking out potential adoptive parents before the birth has the potential of being coercive. Just so you know that while you can make an adoption plan prior to birth, you cannot actual decide on adoption until after your children are born.

By all means give parenting a shot. Try to get your hands on the book "Mothershock" so that you can have a realistic idea of what you are stepping in to. Just so you know, if you were to place your children for adoption, the loss would be the same regardless if you gave it a shot to parent vs. placing at birth.

Would you like suggestions on message boards where there are people who be real with suggestions instead of feeding you the adoption koolaid?

Angela R

Although it would be best to make your final decision before birth, if you're still not sure then it would be better to wait to place them rather then allowing them to join a family, and then change your mind.

Many families with 2 parents make less then $50,000 a year, so I think as long as you are careful with your money then you should be fine. If you decide to parent the children you should look into support groups for both single parent s and parents of twins, I'm sure they would be of great help.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

momma2

I think you should try to take care of them yourself, you should be able to pay for daycare if need with that salary, and if you have family that can help then that is great.

eve

you have a really major decision to make and i think you should give yourself as much time as you can and get as much support as you can. i really advise you to get counseling becasue you can't possibly think this through on your own (no one could). it's way too big a deal to just think about and then decide. i have 2 children who were adopted (and I gave birth to one) so my experience is from that viewpoint. but i do know enough to know that this is probably the biggest decision you'll make in your life. keeping and raising those children is not about how much space you have. it is about whether you think you can handle being a mother and especially handle having twins as a single parent. i have a feeling that you will be incredibly overwhelmed if you raise twins by yourself but, you may also be incredibly joyful and fulfilled and content to know that you are so in love with your babies. If you do keep them, you will fall in love with them. You may be incredibly exhausted all the time and not have more then 20 seconds to yourself during the entire first six months of their lives but you may also not even realize it. HOw are you at dealing with stress? how are you at dealing with life when you are really tired? what kind of emotional support do you have -- parents? close family? are they supportive of you giving the babies up or would they be supporting you in having a family? you will need the help of those who love you in order to create a life for yourself that won't plow you under.
I can't advise you about when you need to make the decision but i think it should be based more on your state of mind than on worrying about how the babies will fair if you decide to put them up for adoption after a few weeks instead of immediately after birth. Adoption agencies will take healthy newborn babies and very happily place them with families who want them very badly, without any advance notice. You can choose parents to raise the babies when and if you decide you can't raise them yourself. you don't need to do it sooner than you want to. adoptive parents will be available and very happy to have your babies. you will still get to choose. you can talk to an agency (or agencies so you can decide on the best one for you) about your situation. if the agency is not sensitive to your situation and is not willing and helpful, then find another agency.
do what is best for you. I don't k know this from personal experience but, it seems to me that you do not want to end up regretting it if you give the babies up. you need to be sure it is what is best for you and for them. take your time.

Bella

This is a hard one. I think you have to make this decision on your own. A new born baby on anyone is stressfull and very very expensive, and if your'e having two of them....then it's double the price.
Maybe you should find out about the government grants that you may be eligable for, look into this now, and try to work out a budget...dont forget you would have to take some time off work, for maternity leave...and then there would be child care etc.... Hopefully you would have some people out there to help you, family/friends.
Should you try raising them yourself first? I dont know....
Should you jump into adoption? I dont know. All i can say is that it's your decision, and you should do your research first. But i am adopted and have had a fantastic life which is better than the one my bio mum could have given me.
good luck

miranda -

i think it is very possible to raise a family of 3 on $50k a yr. you wont have the best of everything but you should still be able to save. what is it your concerned about? if its $$$ like i said shouldn't be a problem. if you are worried about the single mother aspect, you will need to put them in childcare as to keep your job. not something most mothers like but it is done every day and w/ a little research you will be able to find an adequate daycare provider. there are plenty of other things to be concerned w/ i don't think i have the space to speculate, so for a better answerer...what are your exact concerns?

well all of that comes with time, before you know it you have it down. of course you will be stressed at first but by the time you head back to work you should be on a pretty good routine. ppd effects some women dramatically so if you ever feel the slightest bit depressed speak to your dr (the sooner the better). aside from ppd it's nothing a mother can't Handel. if you have family around it's always a good idea to involve them, their support could be all you need to commit to raising these babies. basically my opinion is that it's not ridiculously hard, i'm not against adoption i just think you can do it

good luck

chris a

Honey, in my personal opinion God doesn't give us the opportunity of a lifetime, meaning to have children and then when times get hard throw it all away. I'm adopted and til this day despise my parents for it. What you guys fail to realize is that when you give a child and or children up for adoption, you are wrecking their whole future. Adoption ruins a child just as much as divorce and children that are innocent parties have to live with that forever. Yes, I'd choose adoption over abortion any day. Yes, those parents that give their children up for adoption are making someone else's dreams come true. What about the children? How do you think this process will affect them? I live in a two bedroom myself and yes, three people in a two bedroom is plenty of space. Yes, with twins it will be hard and trying times, especially in first few months and my husband and I have tried for two and a half yrs for another baby and for some reason are having trouble, so i'd consider twins a huge blessing cause I've always wanted twins. Please keep the babies, don't punish them for they are God's children. If you really feel like you will snap and lose it then by all means give them up for adoption or write me at alforde1029@bellsouth.net and I'll gladly raise them myself.

NatalieLaine412

I think you should try to raise them yourself! You all would be just fine! And I think after you start life with them that you won't ever want to let them go. Most twins are used to sharing a room during their early years. Sometimes even older. There will be room for upgrades as they get older. I think you can do it!!! Once you give them up for adoption, that's it. Until they're 18, you will have little or no involvement in their lives. Once you have your babies at home with you, it will be hard to imagine life without them. Good luck!

naughty lady

That you are questioning, concerns me.
Raising any child alone is stressful...twins obviously even more so.
If you are not ready for this, you need to think of your babies first.
The system that will help you find parents for your children works best before babies are born.
The system that will "help you" after the babies are born and you are struggling, is not the best. People and agencies will be in your life, in ways you never dreamed possible.
Try to do what's best for your children. Adoptive homes can be every bit as wonderful as biological homes, I know because I have both kinds of children. :)
God bless you sweetie.

ladybmw1218

You can also get child support from their father and that could help with daycare costs. There is no reason you shouldn't try it yourself first. Many families live comfortably on less than your salary...you won't live luxuriously, but quite adequately. Do you have medical insurance with your job?

I shop for my son's clothes at second hand stores and clearance racks, use cloth diapers, and use baby washcloths rather than disposable wipes. I save a ton of money this way. Also, you can breastfeed rather than have to buy expensive formula! With one baby or two you are going to have some sleepless nights, it's a part of motherhood and millions of women get through it intact. Do you have any family that can help out?

Don't let people tell you this decision has to be made ahead of time. It's simply not true.

Look, worst case scenario you struggle, you can get temporary help through your state, like temp foster care. Some states are even offering co-parenting foster care, where the foster parents sorta help you out like grandparents would. Exhaust all possible solutions before resorting to the permanency of adoption or splitting your twins up.

Mom of 5

As a foster parent, I recommend you to find a parenting support group now. I do feel as a parent you have the right to try to raise your children yourself. If it becomes to much at least you would have the support group as a guide. All new parents need support from someone or somewhere so don't be hesitant. Good Luck!

Jessica Rabbit

I think you should try and look after them yourself but talk to your Doctor/Midwife and tell them you are concerned you might finf it difficult. Its best to talk about it dont be ashamed, its going to be a difficult job to look after twins but it will be so rewarding too. If you feel it is too much for you then you must tell your Doctor so you can get help. Dont struggle on your own. Do you have friends and family at hand to help you? What about your childrens father?

Your appartment should be no problem. Your babies can share a room. You may want to move to a bigger home when they are bigger and if they are a boy and a girl they will eventually need their own rooms.

Good Luck!

Deloris

FRANKLY???? I think you are already their mommy. You are so concerned about their well-being that you are considering adoption because you think you , what? Don't make enough money?
Look, children aren't infectious diseases. They are little people. They aren't really that bad, I promise!
Yes, you can do it, of course you can. And what is your 'condition'? Just look at it through their little eyes. All they are gonna see is YOU. Their mommy. That's all they are gonna care about.
I'm not bashing adoption AT ALL. But I think you already love these little ones in a way that would crush you if you adopted them out just because of finances.
My 2 cents.
D

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