Letter from daughter to birthmother?

part of an english project, not real life
please no more people telling me I shouldnt have chosen the topic, I'm not going to change my mind
answers from the point of view of an english teacher would be especially useful:

Dear Birthmother,
I have had a great life and am incredibly close to my ‘family’ and adoptive parents, who I have always called mum and dad. My mother told me I was adopted as soon as I was old enough to understand what that meant, when I was about 5 years old. I cannot remember a time before I knew I was adopted but I feel just as close to my parents and siblings and am not treated any differently than if I was biologically related. Whatever science may say, they are my family now and always will be.
That is not to say that I do not want you in my life. I am the first to admit that the prospect of meeting a new ‘mum’ scares me, but I know it is definitely something I want to do, if you are willing. In a way I can’t explain, I love you. However little time we spent together, you are still my mother and always will be. I desperately want to know more about you, and hopefully learn more about myself along the way. I suppose not knowing much about my heritage has had an affect on me, and it has definitely been hard at times. As much as I feel part of my family, there are obviously differences. Family traits that I don’t share, for example, certain characteristics of mine that are the total opposite of theirs, and I wonder whether these came from your family, whether you share them.
I am 18 now, my name is Jessica. (I’ve always wondered why you didn’t give me a name when I was born, did you have one in your head or did you not think about it at all?) I have two older siblings, Matt, who is 23 and Rebecca, 21. I have lots of friends and lead a very happy life. However, there will always be something missing, I feel, until I meet my mother, meet you. I don’t think so much about my father, for some reason. I suppose it’s because I know even less about him than I do about you. Does he even know he has a daughter? Did you tell him about me?
I think about you often, when I’m upset I talk to you in my head, when I need comforting it’s always you that’s there. It’s strange thinking so much about someone I cannot remember. In the picture I have of you, you look young, about thirteen. You are on the beach with the wind in you hair, a big smile spread across your face and an ice cream in your hand; not a care in the world. Sometimes I dream about that girl at the sea side; I race down to the beach to see her but when I get there she is already gone. It’s always the same, I can never find her. I do not bear any resentment to you for having me adopted; I can’t imagine my life being any different to how it is now and have no reason for wanting it to be different. I still wonder why you did it though. Why did you put me up for adoption? Did you feel relief or regret when you gave me away?

This one is unfinished and I am still not happy with it, ways to improve would be great
Please be honest but not rude, thanks
Additional Details
Please also comment on the other half of the project:
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081023044646AAzAB6M&r=w

L Î± Ï… Ñ Î±Î± .x *

i thnk you have done a great job of writing this letter, and i hope you do really well in your project.

i don't know why people are giving you such a hard time about this, after all it's just a project, you are asked to do all kinds of things throughout school, such as pretend you have been in the war etc.
which people don't get a hard time for, so i honestly don't see what peoples problems are.

i think the use of lanuguage you have used is very good, and there is alot of detail in the letter.
to be honest i think you will get a good grade for this letter, as you have used alot of things an english teacher/assesor would be looking for.

maybe you should talk a bit more about yourself in the letter and what you like to do, so your birthmother feels she knows you a bit better her self?

good luck! ;D
xxxxxxxxx

Sofiakat

Here is what I would do:
Stop and imagine what it would have been like to never have a memory of the mother you have. Imagine all those memories are gone. Now imagine that she possibly willing did this for whatever reason...how would you feel? Imagine spending the past 13 years with a secret longing for someone who may or may not have wanted you. Imagine longing for someone you cannot have. Try to use empathy to feel what a child might feel. Hmmm...was there something wrong with me? Why couldn't she make it work so that we could have been together? I am happy with my family, so why am feeling such longing?
Is this not confusing to an 18 year old? Isn't it all very dualistic? Isn't that partly what the dream is saying?
You are right, there is something that just isnt ringing true: I wonder if it is the clear split between the fantasy of having a great life and then all of the questioning. There is a distinct difference between leading a great life, being as happy as she says and still wondering and longing.
I think you are unhappy about this draft, because it feels one dimensional.
There needs to be a connection between the two.
Your writing is good, but your missing something in the content.

Heather Leigh

I find it very interesting that the "positive" answers are from people that most likely have no connection to adoption. Well, unless you count having a friend who's second cousin is adopted... The people that actually have a connection with adoption are trying to tell you how inappropriate it is. And who is going to know besides them? If you really want the opinion of an English teacher you really should post this in another section.

I actually think you have done some research before starting this and it is a well written letter. That being said, I don't think anyone can tell you what a first mother or adotee is feeling unless they have lived it.

Mei-Ling

Better. Considerably better.

Still has a bit of a black & white feel to it. Not quite "phony", as another user put it... but still a bit "flat" in certain areas. Like when you try to describe the original mother. I'm sorry, I don't know how to phrase this concrit better, but it sounds like you're writing that part from a story that you want to publish for adolescents online *rather* than a personal letter. I think the problem is that in your letter, it sounds as though you are assuming the mother was too young and then you proceed to make the rest of the paragraph on that perceived basis.

Like I said, this letter was considerably better written than the last one, but still sounds so awkward in places.

furfur

I agree with Heather Leigh. If you were trying to make the point of both mother and daughter writing their letters simultaneously, you can put a date and a time at the top so that is communicated.

I was a language arts teacher, but without a rubric or an account of what the assignment is supposed to be, it is hard to judge what it is exactly that your teacher is looking for. To me, this appears to be very well written and it appears that you have done some research at least on one kind of adoptee point of view.

As someone who is not adopted, it would be very arrogant to assume what exactly an adoptee feels. As an adoptive parent, I have spent much time researching the adoptee experience and the sentiments expressed in your letter echo some of the things I have read on this board from adoptees who are willing to share their insight to their experiences. This doesn't sum up how ALL adoptees feel, it is just one point of view.

I wish you the best of luck on this assignment!

Independ"ant"

Start by trying to reword the sentences that begin with "i".

Get rid of a lot of the i's. Its like using because because because in every sentence.

This is little better than your last one....you're beginning to get away from trivializing the feelings of the natural mother and the adoptee.

randomdreamer

i think the age of 5 is fine, i know people who told their kid they were adopted around that age. i get why she's curious, who wouldn't be, but would she not also feel angry and rejected? i get the mother's situation and i would understand that if i was her, but sometimes, understanding doesn't change the feelings...

does this come before the mother's letter?

Mom to Foster Children

How many times are you going to ask this. I would say you need to interview people who have been adopted before you can even try to comprehend what they feel. While your letter is ok and yeah, they are just words on a piece of paper - they no way interpret the feelings that children go through knowing nothing. You should maybe write it in third person after interviewing many many adopted children!

BOTZ

Okay, I'll tell you what I did. What I did TODAY, that is.

It's clear now that you are not going to change your mind (even though that's what I still think you should do, since you don't 'get' adoption -- at all) so I'm gonna try to help you.

Earlier today, after I read this question with the re-write, I wrote an email to my mother -- my natural mother.

When I was a kid I wrote letters to her all the time. Of course, being in a closed adoption, at that time I had no real hope that she would ever read them...so I was just saying what I felt and what I WANTED to tell her (or ask her) at the time and then sealing the letters in envelopes, writing the date across the 'seal' of the envelope (so that later I'd know when it was written) and hiding them so my a-parents wouldn't find them. Yeah, that's what I really did.

In my email today, I asked my mom to scan and send me some of those letters -- from when I was a teenager. I thought I'd give you some of the REAL and HONEST emotions and sentiments of a REAL DAUGHTER who was adopted and writing to her MOM (*NOT* "birthmom" -- just MOM).

I haven't heard back from her yet, as she is just now getting home from work (ish...it's about the time that she would be) and I'll come back and let you know what my letters said -- at least bits and pieces.

Honestly, I don't remember exactly what I said. It's been more than 20 years since I wrote some of them (I am 36 years old now) and I never opened them -- I just gave them to her the first time we met in person.

One that vividly stands out in my mind, though, was from when I was 15. It was very raw...I was having a terrible day...and she was the ONE PERSON I wanted. The ONE PERSON I wanted to tell about my horrible day, how lonely I was, how sad I was. She was the ONE PERSON I wanted to come and comfort me -- and that was OVER 15 YEARS after I had been taken from her (just moments after I was taken from her body). The one section I can remember from that one letter is this: "Mom, where are you? I need you. I need you right now."

Yeah, it was the 'drama' of a teenager speaking there, but it was REAL and it was TRUE and it was EXACTLY what I was feeling at the time I wrote it. (And, I was a teenager after all...) I don't remember why I felt that way, or why my day was so bad, but I do remember how I felt.

I'll come back and add an 'ETA' to this post with whatever I get back. Or, maybe I'll send it to you through email if you allow...I haven't checked.

If you're going to do this, I'll 'jump in' and try to help you do it right...or at least more REAL. I know that not every girl who was adopted feels the way I did as a teenager (the POV of your letter) but I know a lot of female adoptees -- knew many of them as teenagers, too -- and I don't know ANY who felt of would say most of the things in your letter.

Take care!

mona lisa

to be honest this is really great i personally don't think it needs changing.

blue dolphin

Very good. I don't agree that you should change the age as the sooner a child knows they are adopted, the easier it is to cope with it by the time they can fully understand, rather than believe they are a biological part of the family then find out years later thy aren't, which happened to a friend of mine. I can't see anything i would change.

Raindrop

Well Done again.

sunny

Sounds phony.

Oh yeah, it is.

I Love A Child With Autism!!!

I know you don't like it, but this is wrong. You have no idea what an adoptee goes through. These are just words to you, it's a reality to them. How dare you disrespect them by trying to imitate something so personal to them for a good grade. I hope you fail your project the same as you fail at being a compassionate and respectful person!

very proud mummy :)

why would the adoptive parents tell a little 5yr old that there adopted i would change that bit to about age 15 to 18 yrs why spoil the child's life till there old enough to think it through properly

estheruwaye

i'm an drama student do you know how much times i had to portray a character who was raped or abused, I had to put myself in their shoes and i know that when i perform that there are victims out there but i try my best to tell their story i try my best to make my character strong because the women who went thru that are, they are unbelieving strong, and i bet this girl is trying to make you strong, it may sound fake so help her, share your experiences and help the girl who is in her class who may be in the same shoes as you, you may have a hard life but your not the only one and it helps when people try and relate when they empathese with you.

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