Looking to adopt and needing help in the situation?

Siver C

NO OFFENSE intended. I would never place my child with someone NOT willing to be scrutinized by an agency unless it was a close friend or family member.
Maybe an adult can manage better than a teen but it's THEIR choice and I know of plenty of adults who have lost custody because abuse and neglect so age ain't everything.
And what's with the **** off? If you can't handle people's opinions this is NOT the forum to ask for them in JEEEEEEEZ

grapesgum

I suggest that you try foster care if you are concerned about the cost. The odds are against your finding a teen or young couple willing to part with their precious baby. Most do not want to be "helped" by someone taking their baby away. They want to be helped to keep their baby.

The reason that I say that the odds are against you is that less than 1% of children born to unmarried women result in adoption. Increased social acceptance of single parenthood has led more unmarried women to keep their children. Also, now a higher proportion of unmarried mothers are in their 20s rather than their teens, so they have less personal and financial stresses to give their babies up. Teens who keep their children usually do not have to manage on their own. They have loving and supportive families who provide mentoring and coaching while they mature and finish school, including college.

There are thousands of children is foster care who need homes. If you truly want to help someone, foster care can be very rewarding. Some people do adopt babies through foster care.

Open adoption is still adoption for the "birth" family with all of the inherent loss and grief of losing a child.

BPD Wife

I understand your concerns or your fears. However, since adoption is a legal process, it will still cost some money if you choose private adoption. Take it from someone who knows.

Our son's adoption was "similar" to what you are referring to. Our son's bio-family found us and asked us to be his parents. We thought it would be less money because we would not be using an agency, etc. However, during the process, we realized that for us and for our son's situation, it was better to use an agency to do what is called an "identified adoption".

Regardless of what type of adoption you choose, you will still be required to go through many of the things that an agency requires - such as a home study, placement visits, fingerprints, etc. All of which do cost additional "fees". These are meant to protect the child. Without these things in place, you will not be able to finalize an adoption.

Another option for you, if money is a concern, is to consider foster/adopt situations. The state will assist with the fees because these children are already in the "system" and in need of homes. However, be careful with the state also because they sometimes have their own agenda and you don't want to get caught up in that.

Keep your chin up and don't let what others say here get you down. Feel free to email me thru my profile if I can help with any questions you have as I've been down the road you are traveling. : )

Good luck.

cmc

You still need to go through the legal process of adoption, which includes a homestudy to ensure you'll be good parents (at least as far as this can be checked ahead of time).

You can adopt for very little cost from the foster care system. This is generally older kids. We were interested in a young child or baby, and were discouraged from going this route by our county agency.

Most newborns are adopted through private adoptions. If this is what you want, you can search for a parent on your own, but it is tricky. Some states allow newspaper ads, others don't, some allow only agencies to advertise. It is expensive, but agencies and adoption lawyers have a network of people who refer potential adoption cases to them. We advertised on a website, but even that website required you already have an approved home study. We also used our agency for adoption outreach, but ended up finding our daughter through a website. I don't have any good suggestions on how to find a child. I would suggest you check out the people you are working with to ensure they are ethical. Some people on this site think there is no such thing, but I feel that the people we worked with were very ethical. There can be a lot of coercion put on pregnant women to go through with an adoption, and you want to make sure you are not part of that.

Also be aware that there are scammers trying to make money off adoption. So if someone contacts you saying they are pregnant... it could be real or could be someone scamming. If you do decide to search on your own, you'll have to be careful of this.

celtic.piskie

I don't 'mind' open adoption....

Stop it right now.

Firstly, you need to finish high school, because your grammar and spelling is appalling.
You cannot afford an agency, so who says you can afford another child?

Stop fishing for other women's children, and love the children you already have.

You should not adopt.

Mom of two

We have adopted twice, once was through an agency to match us with a birth mother and the second time was not (we adopted again from the same birth parents). Most states require that an agency be involved, so we used an agency both times. The difference in terms of cost was about $8,500. You can also expect to wait much longer if you are seeking a birth mom on your own. If cost is a factor for you, foster to adopt may be the way to go.

Heather B

Hunting down a pregnant lady in order to twist her arm and guilt her into going through with a pregnancy just to satisfy your own wants and needs is beyond dispicible

I feel sick

edustellamak

Do not be affected by the negative comments by some people here. Stay true to your desire and you will find your baby. I adopted a pair of twins last year and we went through an agency so I know what you mean by the huge cost involved! Try going through some organisations such as church friends as someone might be introduced to you. Get your home study done first and continue to look in the meantime. I think you can also get grants or loans or work extra to earn some money to cover the adoption cost (we did that but we're still in debt. however, it's all worthwhile when we look at our darlings). Do not give up and you will find your baby.

Julie L

I am in the same boat as you; however, I am infertile and do not have any children yet. I am going through the process with the provincial gov't (PRIDE training course for adoptive parents & homestudy). I had a neighbour introduce me to a couple wanting to give up their child for adoption. I was so excited when they told me they believed I was a perfect "mother figure" for their already 10 month old daughter. I was not only going to adopt a baby but I was also gaining some new friends and extended family as I feel open adoption is best for the child's well being. The more people that love her...the better. The day before the baby was to be place, the couple came over to visit and told me they had decided to keep the baby. I was devastated!!! I have never been hurt so deeply in my life. I am not upset with the birth family because they love their daughter very much and we are all still friends and I am the baby's "auntie". Please if anyone out there is looking for another option to abortion...please consider adoption!! I know my baby is out there and even if he/she isn't born in my belly, he/she will be born in my heart. If you would like to know more about me or just chat please reply to this. Thanks for choosing life!

Randy B

I know you are going to get some snotty answers so I'll warn you now to be prepared for them.

As far as the costs are concerned, look at your local options to adopt through your State/Provincial foster care programs. There may be a very small charge for such adoptions however in most areas it's free.

It doesn't mean you have to be a foster parent, it just means you are adopting a child already in foster care and who is waiting for a home. Our last adoption, through such a program, was of an infant who came to us at 4 days old. We had been open to older children but we were matched with our little bundle of light and it's been wonderful.

Either way though, it's a personal choice everyone has to make but give it a look and see what the system holds in your area.

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