Meeting Foster Parents...questions..?

Hi everyone. We are meeting our child's foster parents soon. Our child will be placed with us after 3 meetings. We are very grateful to the foster parents, and would like to send letters, cards, and pictures periodically, but we don't want them to expect that we will visit monthly or have frequent phone conversations, etc. We will need to gather tons of information from them as well. Do you have any suggestions for 'starter' conversations....any questions or comments you would have liked to hear/ask. We want to come across as competent, but not as arrogant or better able to parent our child than they are. We know the basics, but this will be our first child. Our child is our priority, but we feel for their heartache. Ultimately, we just want it to be as smooth a transition as possible and that they come away from this feeling some small comfort that we will be good parents to this child. Is that possible....or is there anything we can do/say to make it likely? Thanks for all advice!!
Additional Details
FYI: Just wanted to clarify: We are adoptive parents. While the foster parents did want to adopt our child, in the end, CPS felt that we would make the best placement of all available families. Neither family is told why...but we have been told that they have been excellent caregivers. They have had our child in their care since birth, and the child is 1 currently....so, this decision will obviously be painful and difficult for them.

Freckle Face

Hi Sweet Jane,

Congrats on your child!

You know i would get a blank "Thank card" and write inside telling they how much you appreciate the great love and care they have given to "name".

I would also give a gift of a photo book. Tell them you're sure you'll be busy with a new young child but when you have the time you send them new photos.

As foster parents i'm sure they are aware that this could happen. So don't feel bad. There was a reason cps thought you would be the best parents for your child. Enjoy your child. Congrats:)

Santa's Lil' Helper

First let me say I am so happy your adopting a child from the foster care system. As an adoptive parent myself please let me give you a little piece of advice always think about the needs of your child first vs. the needs of your own to be a parent. Please search the archive in this forum pay attention to the post that many adult adoptes have made about how they felt growing up. Many of them have suggested several great books to read.

As far as the foster parents go I would just come out and tell them how you feel. Stress that you want to know as much as you can about your child. Remember they have loved and cared for this child and I would hope they would work with you to make this transition as smooth as possible.

Ask the foster parents if they have any information of the natural parents, including photos this will be so important to the child as they grow up!

AngelHelper

Wow! after reading your 2nd paragraph I'm surprised that they wouldn't place with the family that has raised the child since birth. I'm happy that you will be blessed..... what I don't understand is why the agency would put YOU through this.

It's going to be very hard for the first foster family to let go.
I know - been there. I'm a foster mom of 10 years. We are in pre-adopt mode of child we've had for 2 years. As far as we know we are the only placement considered.

Another person said that you should listen. I agree. After the transition of the child to your home - make a lunch date with the previous mom. Listen to her advice etc. Reassure her that child will be just fine. Talk about your family life. Ask her if you can call her. Listen and reassure.

Best of luck to you and your family

shawty

i would think that since the child is so young that you should probley know -bed time
-bath time
-favorite movie
-favorite stuffed animal
-if they like to be rocked to sleep at night or just laid in there bed
-what time they take a nap
-what is their favorite food
-what is their favorite drink
-if the go to the sitters and it is possible to keep them in the same sitters i think that would be good just so they have something that is consistent.
-and i think that it is wonderful that you have agreed to sent pictures and i think that it is great that you are going to see the other parents at least at first so the child can make that transaction smoother because you have to remember that is all that this new baby knows is the other parents. and it can give them the since of abandonment and that is not fair to the child. but always remember that kids will adjust and the fact that (s)he is so young that will play in your favor. GOOD LUCK and i think that people like you do wonderful things

b_fab115

Congrats on adopting! You are a hero!!

I have included some links that have some fact sheets and some information you will need to ask. As far as keeping in touch make sure to tell them that the important stuff will be told to them and when you get a chance. They should understand that. Being a foster parent is hard but in the end they all have to send the child to someone else.

opedial

Bring flowers, and listen to all they have to say. It may at times go on a bit, but they may need to talk aobut what they think is best, as part of them saying goodbye.

It's Me!!!

Wow, I wish all parents were like you. As a foster parent you are always prepared for the worst and expect that the birth parents are going to be furious with you and not want anything to do with you now or ever. The best conversation starter in my opinion would be a simple "thank you for taking such good care of my child". If you really mean it that will mean the world to the foster mom and she will feel better about sending the child home. Good luck and congratulations.

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