My aunt's friend was gonna go with adoption, HELP?

cantstopLinnyG

They cannot sue her- Not the people who were planning on adopting her baby, and not the adoption broker/agency.

The couples KNOW this risk before they enter into this. Tell your friend to have NO contact whatsoever with the agency, or the people who wanted to keep HER baby.

Tell your friend to threaten both the agency AND the people with a restraining order. There is NOTHING these people can do. It would be best to have a family law attorney send them a "cease and decist" letter, that way they will back off, and it will be in writing that she wanted them to go away.

Paying a prospective first mother's expenses is one of the oldest forms of coercion in adoption, and it is morally wrong.

Send these links to her. The first is an example of many tactics pap's & agencies use to get a baby. The second & third are links that may give her additional resources to fight these baby vultures.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html

http://www.cubirthparents.org

http://www.keepyourbaby.com

****eta****
Have her contact her local legal aid department. Most attorneys would hcarge around $100.00 to write a letter, it may be substantially less through legal aid.

Or, she could write her own and send it registered mail to both the agency & parents.

Here's a template for a harassment letter. She can change it to agency & pap's instead of spouse. Send it REGISTERED & Signature only mail, then threaten to call the police.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/1041870/Cease-and-Desist-Letter-Sent-by-Spouse

kitta

Many states allow paps to pay medical expenses.

Did B sign a contract with the couple that said she would pay them back if she changed her mind?

She has an absolute right to change her mind.They cannot , I repeat, they cannot require her to give them her baby. No matter what.

The baby is HER BABY.

In some states, however, if they signed a "peformance contract" regarding the expenses, they can require the expenses to be paid back according to a schedule of payments. But a lawyer would have to explain that to B.

It still doesn't mean that they can take the baby.Not at all..never.And they cannot threaten B.THat is illegal. Harrassment.

she should talk to a lawyer i am pretty sure she has the right to change her mind whenever she wants! it is her baby...

gypsywinter

I totally concur with 'cantstop'. Please give your aunt's friend 'cantstop' most excellent advice. PAPs and adoption agencies CANNOT sue a mother for anything. This mother owes the PAPs and the adoption agency, nothing at all....certainly not her own child. Maybe PAPs should think twice before plunking down thousands of dollars for a child who has not been legally surrendered. Even moreso...an unborn child. Your aunt's friend is still the ONE AND ONLY LEGAL MOTHER of her child! Please tell 'B' to not be afraid...these PAPs and the adoption agency are threatening and harassing her...there are laws against this.

Just because people plunk down $$$$$ for a 'maybe' baby does not mean they 'own' that baby. This is exactly why...PAPs should not be involved with the pregnant mother and/or a newly delivered mother. Giving $$$$$$ while a mother is pregnant...is nothing but coercion/pressure to obtain a baby. Pregnant women contemplating adoption....should absolutely nix any offers of $$$$$$, no matter how supposedly 'generous-hearted' it is offered. I am soooooooooo against this! And you have to know that the adoption agency is sweating bullets right now because they will not be getting that big fat price they contracted with the PAPs for. Please let 'B' know there are women out here who believe in her mother/human rights to keep, parent and love her own child. If this isn't legalized child trafficking, I don't know what is! And in America of all places!

Erin L

They cannot sue her. They are trying to intimidate her into giving up her baby. Tell her to tell the adoption agency and the prospective adoptive parents to never ever contact her again or she will file for a restraining order.

grapesgum

They can't sue her. They are just trying to scare her into giving her baby to them. It is a very common tactic used by adoptive parents and adoption agencies to try to bully the mother into a corner.

She owes them nothing (least of all her baby) - it is a risk that the couple knowingly took.

She may need someone in her family to get nasty with them to get them to go away and stop bothering her. There was one mom here on Y!A who changed her mind and kept her baby, and the adoption agency harassed her at her home.

ETA - If they are harassing her via email, she can just add their address to her spam filter. That way their emails can get flushed down the cyber crapper with all of the other trash, and she will not even have to look at them.

ETA - A poster says that if she is in Idaho, she needs to pay back the money. Does not apply in this case. The statute states - "If a birth parent withdraws or revokes a consent to adoption and the court orders that the custody of the child be returned to the birth parent, whether or not the order of adoption has been entered, the court shall order the birth parent to reimburse the adoptive or prospective adoptive parents for all adoption expenses including, but not limited to, all medical fees and costs, all legal fees and costs, and all other reasonable costs and expenses including, but not limited to, expenses for food and clothing incurred by the adoptive or prospective adoptive parents in connection with the care and maintenance of the child while the child was living with the adoptive or prospective adoptive parents."

Since she never consented to an adoption, there is nothing to revoke so the statute would not apply to this case. I am quite sure that this was the intention with the knowledge that it is one thing to plan to give an unborn child away, yet quite another to give a baby away after seeing, smelling, and feeling him/her.

cmc

they cannot sue her even if she "promised" them the baby. She has the right to change her mind, and doesn't owe this money. They may be trying to pressure her to go through with the adoption. I am an adoptive mom, and was clearly told that any pre-birth money give to the mom was a gift. I hope this couple was told the same - because that is what it is.

snowwillow20

Do not let them bully her into giving her baby up. They can't sue her or make her pay them back.
They are trying to scare her. She has every right to keep her baby.

Carol c

You've got some great advice here for B. I can't offer anything additional other than my support. Tell her to hang in there - PAP's and especially adoption agencies should know the law which allows a mother to change her mind if she chooses not to give up her child.

LORI

She should contact legal aid, they usually have free lawyers and legal advice.
I do not think these people have any right to sue her at all. The only way potential adoptive parents can sue for this type of thing is if there was fraud involved, like the woman was never pregnant and scammed them out of money, or if she had never considered placing and just used them to pay her bills, etc. These people should have known that what they were doing was risky and they would lose the money if the mother changed her mind. She has an absolute right to change her mind and keep her baby no matter how much they have spent.

The agency and the couple are just trying to scare her I think and in their minds maybe they think they can make her change her mind with the threats. They cannot sue her in any state really, and she would be able to show that she had planned on placing the baby anyway so they'd lose (your family, her family, etc could be witnesses and all that).

The lawyer can probably give her advice on how to get them to stop contacting her like legal letter or restraining order. I'm not sure if they'd get in trouble for calling, etc if she had never told them to stop unless they called a large number of times or made harassing statements. But she can always call the police and at least ask what to do if they continue to contact her.

For now maybe she would prefer to have a very supportive person like pre-read the emails and listen to the messages from these people, so she doesn't get too upset if they say something cruel/scary.

sizesmith

There is nothing the adopting couple can do to her, and what they are trying is horrible, and gives good adopting parents a bad name.

Tell "B" to say to them, "I'm stopping all contact, because you're harming the health of me and my baby at this point, and what you're threatening me with is illegal, and I will prosecute you with the law for what you're doing, and I will be reporting the adoption agency to the law for not informing the adoptive parents of the laws. I have changed my mind, I am keeping my baby, and I do not want harrassment from any of you." Legal aid should help her with any of the defense fees. The prosecuting attorney would probably write them a letter to explain the laws, so that way, they wouldn't have to be criminally prosecuted.

BLW_KAM

If you happen to live in Idaho, B is legally required to reimburse the PAPs/agency. Idaho is the only one of the 50 states with this requirement.

To check each state's laws (if you're in the US), click here: http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/expensesall.pdf

keke TPK

no matter what B said to them in the begining she went throught the agincies she picked out a family and she had that family paying for her bills expecting a child in return dang right not to be rude but they can sue away she lied to them she set something up and did not go through with it once you pick out a family it is a for sure things there would be no going back on it she should not of used them that was verry wrong of her to do but then again it is her baby it is her choice if she did not sighn any contracts saying that she could not change her mind or that if she did that she would owe them the money that they paid then they really can not do anything legaly they are just trying to scare her into giving up the baby and that is also not right it is harasment and she can get a restraining order on them i would sugest getting a verry good lawer and going to court it is the birth mothers right to keep her baby after all it is hers

Find an adoption attorney for "B". Usually you can have a free consultation and don't pay for services until you need them.

The chosen parents do have some rights too, to the financial aspect. After all, they thought they were getting a child, and now they are not. Keep in mind that they are probably heart broken, and that may affect the way they are acting.

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