My experience with meeting with a adoption worker?

was back when i was scared and 16. i was with my babys father but he did drugs, and he was 27 years old. I got ahold of the adoption agency over the phone that my mom would freak out if she knew I was pregnant and kick me out.

so we set up an appointment for her to meet me at a local restaurant. I met her and we talked about my prenatal care, she asked me if i got medicaid and if the father wouldnt sign off, if we could have him unnamed. she told me that medicaid could pay for the birth and that after I had the baby, it would stay with different people til everything was signed for about a week. and said she'd want me to go to a group counseling every week. she told me to hide my pregnancy from my mother as long as I could.

that i could choose who the adoptive parents were. she also asked me if my babys fathers children lookd like they were white. (he is black and white) and im white. and asked if they could pass as being white. i said yes.

thats all I remember about it really. Is this how normal adoption agencys work with teenagers in the u.s?
Additional Details
may i also add that yes, i was neglected by both of my parents, this was 10 years ago, and the reason she told me not to tell my mom was because my mom would make me have an abortion. which ended up happening.

tish_part deux

sounds very similar to my experience...minus the hiding part. my child's father was a non-issue to them, i was told to get on welfare to pay for the pregnancy and was offered to stay with "house mothers" if things became contentious. all they wanted was a drug-free baby for their affluent black couple who paid for a kid. my concerns...not important.

btw...you were most likely told to hide the pregnancy not to avoid the "abortion", but to ensure that you stayed pregnant so that they could make moola off of your baby.

it's a sick and sad industry.

Independ"ant"

"Is this how normal adoption agency's work with teenagers in the u.s?"

It depends on the state. Some laws are in the gray and they will exploit them as well as the girl as much as they can.

Go to some of the websites......they reek of coercion and fallacies.

Some will blatantly coach you on how to get around having the pesky baby's daddy sign away his rights as well as push the misleading idea of open adoption (which isn't legally enforceable) if a girl is not sure she can go through with relinquishment.

Sorry to hear your parents forced you to get an abortion.....they had no right. I support the option of abortion but only when the person having one makes the decision. In a perfect world your parents should have supported you and helped you raise the baby.

HappyMomAnna

With many crimes of child abuse an adult can sue their parents, and anyone else involved for the past abuses.

Have you thought about dealing with the crimes of your parents abuse and coercion by an adoption agency legally?

Flying Monkey #073177

This is exactly how adoption agencies work, not only in America but in Canada as well.

gypsywinter

""Is this how normal adoption agencys work with teenagers in the u.s?""

So sorry this happened to you...but Absolutely Yes! adoption agencies workers main goal is to garner babies for adoption and meet their targeted quota goals. How else are they going to bankroll the payroll for their 'staff' and their upper management? Their number one priority is to get that baby....whatever it takes...'in the best interest of the child'..doncha' know!

Mudd

Absolutely not! Number 1, you were underage. By them telling you to not tell your mother was violating the laws put in place to protect you.

I don't know how old you are now, or how long ago this happened, but I would seek out counseling.

I don't know why at 16 you were involved with a 27 YO or why your mother/father weren't active participants in your life... but it seems to me that you are now feeling guilt of some sort, and are also feeling a bit taken advantage of by the system - you were.

You were not dealing with a normal or legitimate adoption agency, not by a long shot. You were scammed and taken advantage of.

Nahira

No. A lot of that was not only against all kinds of regulations, but plain old illegal.

Now, if you were an adult, or had the legal rights of an adult, that would be different. State agencies cant shut out the dad like that - you have a choice of naming or not naming the father. Medicaid would pay for the birth, and the baby would stay with a foster family if the dad was named and wanted the baby. A home study would be done on him to see if he's fit and able to care for it. If no dad was named, then the baby would go straight to an adoptive family.

It really creeps me out that you were ENCOURAGED to hide this pregnancy. Also that this child's race was going to be denied to him or her. Sick stuff to come from an adult (the worker) to a child (you).

What makes people think that state adoption agencies are "trying" to get children? Trust me, we have plenty kids that come to us from parents who chose other things over their kids. Babies, kids, teens, all ages. Personally, birth parent intakes make me sad. 90% of the time, its a young woman who could care for her own child just fine if she had the resources.

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