My friend wants to get an abortion. i want to direct her toward giving the child up for adoption.?

PhilM

Adoption can cause serious emotional trauma. It's your friend's decision. Instead of directing her to do something she doesn't want to do, and that may be very painful for her, perhaps you could try to BE A FRIEND and support her through this difficult time.

Namaste

I think your friend has the right to make this decision for herself.

Skye

I'm sure your friend is quite aware of adoption. This is not your decision to make.

Independ"ant"

Give her a ride to the clinic and keep your trap shut.

She needs a friend not a judgmental preacher.

ladybmw1218

The breast cancer/abortion link has been debunked, and studies show very few women have serious emotional issues after abortion, unless they did so against their own moral values (yes, ardent pro-lifers have been known to seek abortion when it's THEM that is pregnant)

The couple of women I have known/hear about who have had both an abortion, and relinquished for adoption all said adoption is more traumatizing.

Anyway, it's your friends choice. I would suggest simply supporting her.

aloha.girl59

Your friend wants an abortion because she does not want to carry a baby to term. She wants to end her pregnancy, not give birth and then give away a child. That's her right and it's none of your business what she does. If you are truly her friend, you will be there to support her in whatever decision she makes and you will not judge her. If you want to place a child for adoption, get pregnant and then give away your kid. I am reasonably sure that -- though not fun at all -- abortion is a lot less painful for EVERYONE involved.

tish

um. be a friend and stay out of her uterus. reproductive health decisions are personal; and not something open to negotiation from an unaffected entity. including, a best friend.

btw, if your friend wants to terminate, it's CLEAR she's not at all interested in going through a pregnancy.

Lillie

I was my mother's first pregnancy, and she gave me up for adoption.

After me, she had many abortions. She couldn't go through with another adoption again. It was too painful for her to give up a child.

Let your friend make her own decision, and just support her. It is her life and her cross to bear.

Anha S

Her life. Her body. Her legal right to choose. The fact that you think you should have a say in her reproductive rights baffles me. Straight up, imho, you are sitting there quite prepared to coerce your friend because abortion makes you uncomfortable. Be a friend. Be a shoulder. If she ASKS you what her options might be, maybe then actually open your mouth. Until then, keep your unsolicited adoption stuff to yourself. Just think of how much she might "thank" you should she give her child up and end up with a lifetime of misery. Some friend.

Laurel J

With all due respect, this is none of your business. The decision your friend makes now may affect her for the rest of her life, and nobody can make it for her.

The best thing you can do is let her know you'll be there for her no matter what she decides.

Heather B

You don't. That's her decision entirely.

And certainly not by insisting that she 'owes' a baby to people waiting in line who can't have one as some have suggested here - puke.

Felicita1

Okay, so you want to impose your moral position onto her, to persuade her to follow YOUR morals and not hers. Whatever.

What you don't seem to realize is that adoption and abortion are NOT alternatives to each other. HOW on earth can you possibly predict how she will feel about that baby once that baby is in her arms -- do you have a crystal ball or something?!?

It is far far too soon for her to be making any sort of "decision" about adoption. At this stage in her pregnancy, her choices are to abort or become a mother. After the birth, her choice is to keep her baby or surrender her baby. She can be a mother first-hand or a mother in eternal exile, likely from a baby she never wanted to lose but whom she fell totally in love with during her pregnancy and the birth. Birth changes a woman, emotionally and physically. She becomes a mother. Losing your baby to adoption is a pain far far worse that abortion, and in fact is as bad as losing a baby to death, as there is no closure and thus no resolution to the grief and pain.

So, why not provide her with support for being a mother and being a parent, and let her know that she can always "choose" adoption after her baby is born, and in fact should postpone the decision until at least 6 wks post-birth so she can recover first?

Abortion, or not, is her decision, not yours.

Linny G

Your friend needs a better friend.

sunny

Your friend is right. Leave her alone.

DevonChaos

Let your friend make the right decision. She is the one who is going to have to deal with the consequences. The best thing you can do as a friend is support her decision, no matter what your personal opinion is, and take care of her. Be there to support her. Any decision she makes isn't going to be an easy one. Don't add angering her friends to the list of reasons to choose one thing over another.

Carol c

You need to respect your friend's right to a choice in this issue. Quite frankly, it is much more devastating long term to get over the loss of a child lost to adoption than to abortion. Whether one is pro-choice or not, with death you can at least mourn and reach a point of closure. With adoption - especially closed adoption- there is no way to know if your child is alive and well. It's been compared to a psychological amputation - a part of both the mother and child are always missing. That is often emotionally crippling for both the rest of their lives.

Be a real friend and let her choose and then support whatever that choice is. She is still going to need someones shoulder to cry on.

Flying Monkey #073177

Her body, her choice! Not yours. Be supportive of her decision or butt the eff out.

Cura chick

I find it very nice of you to be so concerned with your friends faith, still it is her faith and decision to make. Having a baby and putting it up for adoption is also very difficult for a person. Is she young and not against abortion, than i believe that is a better decision for a person to make.
Sorry but just read some comments made, abortion if done right in a good clinic is in no way harmful, and in europe were it is legal the facts state that woman do not feel regrets as just stated above.

Possum

Make sure she reads this -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

Children don't want to be given away by their mothers.
It hurts to know that you were conceived and born at an inconvenient time - so your mother put you into the care of strangers.

Adoption is far more complicated than you have possibly ever imagined.
This is her body - her life - let her make the decisions that are right for her.

Lala O

It really isn't your place to impose your opinions and morals on your friend. Do you even know why she is considering an abortion? I'm pretty sure she though of adoption, but whatever her choice is, she needs a friend to support her, not someone to judge her and tell her what to do.She's a big girl, if she wants an abortion, just accept it. She's pregnant, not you.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

save her and a baby a life of turmoil and anguish.

support her decision to abort.

missgariff

Don't try to impose your solution to this situation on this girl. Let her make the decision and respect if even if you disagree with it.

Now if she is willing to listen to you make an argument for adoption then perhaps you can do so but only if you can present facts not propaganda and not try to impose your views on her but allow her to reach her own conclusions and if those are different from yours respect her right to self determination

Miwa

I think you can tell her your opinion but don't try to 'steer' her to any decision. This is most likely the toughest choice she will ever make and she need to do what is right for her.

As a man I don't think you can understand what it is like to be face with an unplanned pregnancy.

Please support her decision, whatever it is, but don't try to convince her of any one option. She need to make up her own mind.

GothicLady

i think you need to be a real friend and support her in her choice. you may not agree with her choice, but it's not your choice to make. if you're a true friend, you will support her.

The "GG"

First, you need to understand her reasons for wanting to do this. There may be some variable that you haven't thought of, and you don't want to undermine or disrespect her opinions.

You should be able to go online and find out about how the adoption system works. I believe Planned Pregnancy also has some information available on the subject.

The most important part is to make sure that you support her no matter what she chooses. Even though you don't agree with her ideas she needs someone to support her before and after she goes through this process. Remember that she is the one dealing with it, not you. This decision is most likely the hardest one she has made, so she needs someone to be with her through it.

I can't believe that there are so many people out there ( judging by the answers) that think that being a good friend means standing by and watching you friend make a mistake.

You know her. She is obviously going through a very tough time and you dont' want her to regret her decision. That makes you a good friend. Giving her options to make up her own mind. that also make you a good friend. Ignore that all these other idiots are saying.

There is no reason that justifies scraping your baby from your womb, none. If she can't keep then child, then she can make sure that she finds a good home for her baby.

I know that it's hard, but being a good parents isn't easy. This might be the hardest thing that she ever going to do and she is going to need all your support. Good Luck

jaysqueen

This makes me upset! My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for four years with no luck, we love and adore kids and have just said that it doesn't matter if the child is biologically ours or adopted, they will still be our child.

Tell your friend that it is her choice as a woman but tell her that they have couples that yearn for a child to love and she could change the lives of others with a non- selfish act.

Beth K

I think you have a good heart and a great idea, but it is not your life or body that will be impacted by this pregnancy. Fortunately all our rights as women regarding abortion have not been removed (yet) so she has the option to do what she feels is best for her.

What you can do is support her no matter what decision she makes. Both options carry tough emotional scars, and right now she really needs her friend to be strong for her.

Good luck (and if she is interested in looking at the adoption route there are many resources, including finding a good family without going through the state).

Sophie

"Adoption can cause serious emotional trauma." So can an abortion- just knowing that you murdered your baby will haunt you the rest of your life.

She has to make this decesion herself- just stand by her and help her with whatver she decides. If you coerce her either way she may blame you.

She could also parent her child, too. Remind her of that option. r let the father keep the baby.

"Your friend wants an abortion because she does not want to carry a baby to term." Funny how it's alright to say what people are thinking without even talking to them. What's funnier if people think it's on their side of the fence they are all for it... and agree.

unplugged-Pro-Peace

tell her to try baby sitting...then she'll see how fun babies can be.

personally, i find myself lucky enough to experience having a baby...brother. it was awesome. having a baby brother was one of the best things that ever happened to me. he was so adorable, and so fun to be around! too bad he grew up...he's 7, but he's still a great friend.

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