My friend was going to give her baby up for adoption, please help?

tish_part deux

damn, what douche bags these people are...

i wonder if they would demand money lost in a bad stock investment from their broker? probably not...and they would be laughed out of the door if they tried.

analogy: adoption, like the stock market, is a risk.

this is why i strongly disagree with prebirth matching. it's coercive, exploitative, and sets up false expectations of entitlement.

this is why it's never a good ideal to pay for ANY expenses for a pregnant women who's baby one wishes to adopt. not because pregnant women are "scammers" (i personally hate that line of thought); but most pregnant women qualify for medicaid or low cost prenatal care and the practice is coercive.

the problem with this practice is that many people do this thinking that they will "buy" a baby. and if she changes her mind, she can be guilt tripped out of money or GIVING UP THE BABY. none of this is legal.

guess what, your friend has no obligation to breed and birth a baby for anyone.

<B>THERE ARE NO LAWS THAT STATE THEY HAVE TO REPAY ANY MONEY... </B>

tell her to take her baby home, have no more discussion with these people or the adoption agency and go on with her life.

pssst. these "heartbroken" people...will most likely be matched again. you see, they want A baby...your friend wants HER baby. big difference.

adoption is a crap shoot. and the entitlement to another person's child is sicking..

myst1998

This is the problem with pre-birth matching.

The adoptive couple decided to do this knowing there was always a risk... if I was them I would make the agency pay as it is usually an agency that sets this kind of arrangement up.

I am delighted to hear your friend has decided to parent and another mother, father and baby will not be separated. Give her all the encouragement in the world.

PhilM

No, they do not have to pay back the bills. This couple did not buy a baby. They have no legal claim to the child. And they have no right to expect to be reimbursed.

kitta

Your friend and her boyfriend cannot be extorted to pay back the money. The couple cannot demand money . Your friend never owed them a baby.

If they signed a contract to return the money, they may have to set up a schedule of payments.

Note: this depends on the state where they live. In some states, they don't have to pay anything back.

I don't agree with pre-birth matching. It is immoral and unethical.

ETA: I am pleased that your friends did not sign any papers agreeing to payments. Pre-birth matching and payments by paps should be illegal.

yeahright

Legally, no they don't have to pay it back.

Possum

YAY - I'm so glad they decided to parent. This child is very lucky.

The prospective adoptive parents knew what they were getting into - and this is why in Australia we don't have pre-birth matching. It's coercive - and extremely messy.

They will get over it - they just wanted a child. They'll eventually get another child from some place.
Your friends - however - would never have gotten over losing their child to adoption.

grapesgum

Your friends don't owe these people a cent. They are pre-birth matching, coercive predators who got exactly what they deserve. Shame on them for trying to claim a pre-born baby.

Tell your friends to give them the middle digit and to get on with their lives and to enjoy their beautiful baby. They will probably try to harass the hell out of your friends. Be there for them and tell them to hang tough.

ETA - pfft - Young women do not choose pre-birth matching. They are led to believe that it is the ONLY way. They are lied to, coerced, bullied, scared into it. Making a parenting plan and meeting baby first are not mentioned and if the woman brings it up, it is discouraged.

Lisa Marie

From a legal stand point they don't owe the family any money. Anything given to your friend is considered a gift and doesn't need to be repaid.

This is one of those things that happens during private adoption. Your friend has every right to keep her baby without guilt or repayment. These people are unfeeling and probably have no children for a reason.

Best wishes to your friend and her new baby.

Not Adopted

Advise your friends to cut all contact with these people and seek legal advice (which they can get for free from their local legal aid office) if the couple continues to harass them.

cmc

She doesn't have to pay the bills. It is her decision to make. Hopefully she's been honest with everyone along the way.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

Probably legally no.

The couple lost out on this one.

However, I want to address something VERY offensive, when another poster called these people "predators" and said they got what they deserved. That is very judgmental.. Your FRIEND chose pre-birth matching.. I doubt these people just found your friend and started harassing her. MOST people I know, if they WERE to give up their child, would WANT the option of choosing where the baby went. And, while it has it's draw-backs and may be a bad practice, MOST people find it logical to do the searching "ahead of time" instead of after the baby is born. Maybe that's incorrect, but that's what most people would naturally think.

My point is.. pre-birth matching has it's drawbacks.. but expectant mothers CHOSE to do it.. thinnking it's best.. it doesn't make the Ap's predators... I strongly disagree with paying pre-birth/birth expenses for a person whom you wish to adopt from.. But most people don't realize what a bad idea it is.. it makes sense to them..

Okay.. that rant aside, Your friend had every right to decide to parent, and yay for her. She absolutely did the right thing. Unfortunately, she got herself into a bit of sticky situation by allowing these people to pay her bills instead of getting on medicaid, or whatever else help there would have been available for her prenatal/birthing care. If she can't help the couple get some kind of reimbursment, then she's not required to, and hopefully the PAPs will just understand that was a risk they took, realize what magic happens when a mother first sees her baby, realize your friend is not a scammer, and avoid making the same mistake (paying expenses) again.

Britney S

tell her to eamil me i woul like da baby smithbritney81@yahoo.com

Krista S

OMG that's terrible. I am an adopted child and my mother was devestated when she was told she couldn't have children. I couldn't imagine how she would feel if someone promised her a baby and then changed her mind at the last minute.

Telling someone, who is also vulnerable, for months that they will soon have a baby, and then taking that away from them is cruel. The fact that they paid for any bills, does not denote a contractual obligation, but should be repaid. These couples arenâ€™t necessarily rich and may have had to struggle and save for the chance to have a baby. Something non-barren women can do for free and clearly can take for granted.

If you find out youâ€™re pregnant and donâ€™t think you can afford a child, even if you can get someone to pay the medical bills, chances are you still arenâ€™t going to be able to afford it once itâ€™s born (no matter how cute it is). If you canâ€™t afford the medical bills for the birth, how could you ever afford to care for this child if he/she became seriously ill? It's not a toy for gods sake.

At the very least if you promise a couple a baby and they have paid any of your bills, the very least you should do, is give them all their money back. Keeping their money could set them back or prevent them from trying adoption again. If you don't, then I think this baby would have more problems then living with a parents that canâ€™t afford it. It would be raised by a completely immoral people! And you canâ€™t blame â€œexploitive adoptive parentsâ€ on that!

allchildrenareangels

Nope unfortunately the adoptive parents have no recourse

SCLady

No, sadly for the couple they do not have to be reimbursed.

Proud AP!

Depending on the state that they are in the AP's can go back and sue them. But that being said I've never heard of any of them actually do it. When you start adoption you know that there are risks, and money is one of them.

eightieschic

Legally NO.
Morally, YES.

Mommy to 11 month old Jacob

I would think so yes.. because this couple paid for the appointments for a child they thought would be theirs and now your friend pulled the carpet out from under them and they are out a lot of money and have no child.

Gretchen

Yeah they do. Or the couple could sue them. That's part of the agreement. They could get in a whole lot of trouble and you have it on record that someone sued you and it doesn't look good for jobs. That's what I was told when I recently sued my ex boyfriend. It follows you around.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: