My husband and I our adopting his aunts baby, What all do we need to do?

We have hired a lawyer and put a petition for adoption into the courts and are starting our home study, but I am not certain what all i need to be doing for the birth mom? I have bought maternity clothing and private medical care. She is due on July 14th and this will be her 13th birth, she is 36 and has only one child living with her and her husband. the rest of the children have been taken from by the state. She does not ask for anything, but I feel like I should be doing something..?
Additional Details
treat her ethically?? How am i not treating her ethically. In oklahoma the birthmother has to go to counseling. to make sure she is in the correct state of mind to sign over her rights.
And in an adoption that is what you call the mother that has signed over her rights to someone eles the birth mother is the correct term thank you very much, not that i had asked your opinoin on what to call her anyway?
This women, my aunt, has decided to get pregnant so that we can adopt the baby for that purpose, yes she will be getting her tubes tied as well, her choice not mine, but i am offering to pay for her.

Sofiakat

one of the most important things you can do for the mom is to NEVER back out of the open part of the adoption. Sit down with her and discuss how she wants to be involved in her childs life, even write it down, and then honor the agreement that you are making.
To many APs back out of the open part of open adoptions. I cannot imagine how much that must hurt the mother.

barracuda

First of all , does his aunt want to give up this child , yes she has had 12 kids prior but how does she feel about and how does the husband feel. I am surprised that if they did not want kids they could keep why she never had her tubes done, I know where I live it is covered to have your tubes done.
Another factor is how does she feel and how are you going to feel when there is family get together's and the aunt and child meet. Is she going to have maternal instincts over the child and how is the child going to feel when he or she finds out that his mother is just around the corner and wanted nothing to do with raising him/her but also has one child with them and 11 more out there .
Only reason i am asking is i gave a child up 20yrs ago and i had my brother offer , friends offer to raise him cause i was in no state to raise him or give his a good life. And i did not want to cause i know that i would still see him and i would want him and it would of been to confusing as i know i probably would of stepped in when i should not have. But i did make sure when i gave him up at (7 mths) i went through a friend who knew of a couple so when it came time i would be able to find him After his 19th bday , we were reunited as i found him as my promise i gave him in the last letter i wrote him when i gave him up.
All i can say is it is a tough decision and i am glad to hear you are taking part in something you want , but being a family member i would really check into it , you may have to set boundaries and stipulate other things that could mess up family outings but just the thought that you want to be there for that child and raise it on your own , I give you a high five for making a big decision like that. I have one question thou , how come you are wanting to adopt this one and what about the other 11 children?

magic pointe shoes

I think you should not be calling her a birthmother. She is still an expectant mother until the baby is born and fully relinquished legally for adoption.

I also think that you also should make sure you are protecting her rights and well being. Regardless of her history of how many births or relinquishments she has had in the past, you have an obligation to treat her ethically.

Safeguarding the rights and well-being of birthparents
http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/publications/2006BirthparentStudyrevised07.pdf

Edit to add: Would you read the pdf report before jumping on me for pointing this out? The United States is failing expectant parents in the adoption process for being ethical or concerned about their well being both before birth and afterwards. Nowhere in that study did it say all states but Oklahoma are doing a poor job. Just take a few minutes of your day to read the file.

And no, she is not a birthmother. A birthmother (if you are going to use that offensive term) is someone who has already birthed and relinquished the child for adoption. Unfortunately, the word also was created as a way to dehumanize expectant mothers and is now being used mainly by the adoption industry and not nearly as frequently by actual mothers who relinquished.

Also, if she was doing such a noble honorable act by getting pregnant on purpose for you to raise the child, why on Earth would you need to ask on a public internet forum with such disregard for her previous history of having children that she wasn't able to keep?!? That really isn't very respectful or kind at all.

Linny G

I just answered your other question regarding this. You left out THESE details. It seems awfully opportunistic of you, now that I read this. Predatory, almost. THIRTEEN??? Yeah, umm disregard my answer to your other question.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmVLk.Xyy.BKnQYKtPzWhMxq.Bd.;_ylv=3?qid=20081210084027AAJFS8q

DevonChaos

I seriously suggest you do what you can to help her to get things in order to keep this baby. The loss of this child could be something that will push her over the edge. She needs to keep her family intact. You have hope elsewhere, whereas, she may not. Find resources to help her. Taking her child isn't going to help.

Santa's Lil' Helper

You should certainly encourage her to have her tubes tied and offer to pay for it! She can not keep having children just to have them taken or given away.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

you can start by learning acceptable terms for natural mothers.

she's not just a vessel. she's a human being. show a little respect.

"brithmother".....PFFFFFFFFFFT.

alwaystrewthe@yahoo.com

Just wanted to say that i think you and your husband are awesome for doing this, wish more people would be like you guys, also i think you putting forth the effort and wanting to help the birth mom will keep a nice relationship down the road should you need her for anything i.e medical history etc. again you guys are so cool and i wish you the best!

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