My husband is trying to adopt my daughter.?
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My husband is trying to adopt my daughter.?
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Her bio dad who is not listed on the birth certificate and has seen her one time in 5 1/2 years will be served papers at his parents house to give up his rights. This is the last known address known for him since it was on our divorce papers. which was final in Oct. 2003. I had my child Feb. 2005. We had got back together tried to make things work and I got pregnant with her and at 3 months along finally got rid of him for good.(thankfully) My problem is, his parents who have hardly no contact with him, have always been good to my daughter. They payed half of daycare while I was single and usually buy her some clothes each season. They see her maybe once every 3 months so even though they financially help me with her at times, they really are not close to her hence only wanting to see her every few months or so. I don't think my ex will object at all since he has never been in her life and has denied her to his parents even though he is the dad. This is why they really don't have much to do with him. He is not of great character in all aspects of his life. Should I speak with the grandparents and let them know about what is coming. They are financially capable of giving the son money to contest this, even though my lawyer has said this is impossible since he has basically abandoned my daughter. I just feel like I am in the calm before the storm. How should I handle this situation?
Additional Details
Devon, this is basically being done, so if in the event that I die, my ex would not be able to get her. Its all good one day if he gets his stuff toghether but in the meantime, if I die tomorrow, I don't want my child to be in his chaos. My husband is a wonderful person, and she would be well taken care of in the event. He is her "father" and we just want to make sure she will be taken care of just in case. My ex is a grown up and we are not waiting around for him to straighten up and be a man. He is nearly 30 years and has ample amount of time to accomplish this = )
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Baby Boy # 3 due 8/11/2010
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i was in a similar situation. my ex and i had a child a little over 5 years ago and he has never been a part of his life but is ordered to pay child support and he doesn't. my husband wanted to adopt my son and although my ex has no rights to my child and has never been a part of his life and completely abandoned him in all aspects, since he wont sign the papers to allow it my husband cant adopt my son. i honestly find it unfair because my husband has been taken care of him since hes been born and its the only daddy hes ever known. if anything were to ever happen to me i would be upset to learn that after all these years they would let him have my son. my advice to you they aren't grandparents that are there every weekend and participating in your child's everyday life then just go ahead and do it and not care what they think. Its not your fault their son is a deadbeat and your planning for your child's future insuring that someone will always be there for her. good luck! |
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Rosie
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Put your husband in your will to be the guardian of your daughter in the event of your death. She has two fathers.
Your daughter will need to get to know her dad when she is older. You may not be thrilled about this, nor would I to tell the truth, if he is immature, but still, it's important enough for you to stay close and friendly with his parents so your daughter can keep that family connection. When you badmouth him, you are badmouthing a part of her.
Foster the relationship with the grandparents. It's good for you to have that support too. |
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Cotton Mouth Cancer
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i think you should let the grandparents see your baby and still take the rights away from dad. they know he isnt in her life so i think they'd understand |
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DevonChaos
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Perhaps just drop the whole thing and let your daughter have a wonderful step-father, and still have ties to her family who really seem to care for her. The father may one day be in a better state of mind to be there for your daughter. Your husband can still be a father to her without the adoption. |
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Dorian
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Personally I would call the grandparents and let them know what you are doing. They might not have been very involved but they have shown you some support and from what you describe they are decent people. As grandparents, they cannot contest the adoption - only the bio dad can - but you should show them the courtesy of not blindsiding them with this information. Also, talk with them about the role (if any) you want them to continue to play in your child's life. It is possible to have your husband adopt and the grandparents still involved and playing a role in the child's life. |
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