My husband wants to adopt my daughter. How do it know if its the right choice?

The Nikki

I think the other question is, is your daughters father going to legally give up his right? That's the only way your husband can legally adopt her. I'd suggest going to couples counseling to see if anything arises.

rba01701

You are one smart cookie.
If he is all that you say he is then wait. Dont have a child with him unless he changes.

Stimpson J. Cat

The doubts you expressed give the answer clearly. This guy is not mature enough to be a father to an existing child, much less create one of his own. It doesn't sound like he's taken a real interest in your 3-year old nor is he mature enough to be a father to his biological child.

getusedtoit

Only because of what I've been through will I say this to you: I wouldn't do it. I just wouldn't go through with an adoption. Go back and reread your post. It sounds as if you are really unsure. Is your daughter's last name worth this much worry?

Rae Rae

Dont Do It Unless You Know And Feel Completly Comfortable With The Situation..This Is Not Something That You Can Afford To Make A Mistake On...Is Your Daughter Comfortable With Him??

ameribicgirl

#1. If he is a drinker, and selfish...and sometimes you wonder if he knows she is even there, then DONT!

#2. Dont have another child , especially with someone who YOU yourself question if he knows she is there.

#3. Tell him that he needs to show that this is what he wants....and MEAN it. If he cant spend time with her, treat her as his own, and spend time as a family, why would you want him AS your family!

Good luck to you, really I mean that, what a terrible situation to face. Think Of your daughter first, and how this might affect her!!

claudiacake

You would let a man adopt your daughter when you are afraid to have his child for fear of raising it (and your daughter) by yourself? Lady, where has your good sense flown? Even if this guy was a saint, walking, his wish to adopt your daughter would be harder than he could imagine. He can not adopt her without your ex relinquishing his parental rights and agreeing to allow adoption. If you can't locate him, I would assume (although I don't know this) that you would have to, through an attorney and the courts, have him declared dead after seven years and then, maybe, your present husband could adopt her. By then, you two may be history. My opinion if allowing him to adopt her is the right choice? Mistake. Big mistake. Big. Huge.

Possum

My opinion - if you're questioning so many parts of the implications of this decision - don't do it.
Or - at the very least - wait.
Men can come and go in your life.
Your daughter will always be your daughter.
You need to look after her best interests here.
Good luck!

This is a big step for your entire family. And unless you are completly sure you are making the right choice, and don't have any second thoughts or questions about it, I don't think you should let him, not yet at least.

Wait until you are 100% sure and don't have "hes's a great daddy but..."

When it's time, your mother instinct will come into play and you will know that now is the time.

If you are worried that you will someday be rasing two children by yourself, maybe theres an issue of trust. You need to trust that hes going to be there (if not you shouldnt really be married), and trust that he wont leave you and know that he is a great father (if he is at least).

BettyBoop

First ask yourself this question....
If something should happen to me, I would want _____ to raise my daughter. If that blank is not filled with your husband's name then I think you have the answer to your question.

It is perfectly fair for you to ask him why he wishes to adopt her. If he seems taken aback by the question, point out that while time has passed the disappearance your daughter's father really was not all that long ago.

One thing, you sound so very unsure of this man - I think you have bigger issues than the adoption one. Perhaps it is time for the two of you to sit down and have a heart to heart talk about where your relationship is headed.

mel_rose777

Be very cautious ok? DO NOT let him adopt your daughter.... not now anyway.....she is 3, and he has only known her and you 1 1/2 yrs? Doesnt that sound weird that a grown man, with NO kids, would generously want to adopt a 3 yr old baby girl that isnt his? Making him obligated for life? But you have to remember that also gives HIM rights to her if something happens between you two! He sounds like his personal party life and extra curricular ARE the important parts of his life, NOT a family man..... wait a long time before you have kids with him, and if you ever see where he deserves to adopt your daughter? Make it in a LONG time!!! Beware grown men who arent family men, wanting to ADOPT 3 yr old babies when he doesnt even ACT like the doting daddy??? Please pay attention to this!!

Marion W

IF YOU ARE IN DOUBT DON'T!!!! Best advice I have ever heard, "follow your heart"By the sound of it you have your doubts of him as a husband, so why would you put your daughter in that situation. If your gut tells you that you will probably be stuck raising two kids by yourself, then listen to yourself.
Here is a question for you, Why do you feel the need to ask this question? Asking it obviously should be the answer you seek.
I am a single mother of 4. Don't put yourself and your daughter in a situation you are scared of.

lizincali

it sounds to me as if your not sure the marriage will even last but your thinking of letting him adopt your daughter???? i would say maybe to ait a few more years. my sister was married for four years before her husband adopted my nephew.

adam_nicole_russell

i dont think you should let him adopt her for the soul fact if any thing happened he could take her from you if you all split up and if he drinks, i wouldnt have my daughter in that invironment. he could be a good dad but let him show you that he loves her and he is ready for that kind of responsibility. let him know what kind of responsibility it is. it is not a weekend thing it is a EVERY DAY thing. it is not saying he has to be there every day but he needs to know what is best for his family. goodluck i hope this helps

wife2denizmoi

I think if you are questioning the decision, then you need to wait. Tell him you want her to make the decision on her own when she is older. You are right. Its too new and he does sound selfish. The entertaining, the drinking, need to slow way down. Good luck. Baby first. Hubby second.

fromthecabbagepatch

No offense...but why did you marry this man when you weren't sure what kind of Daddy he would be? Seems to me that you guys are a package deal. He gets you and the kid. If he doesn't take the kid he doesn't get you...right? If you love this man and he loves you...then he has to love your kids too because they are a part of you...meaning he doesn't trully love you if he doesn't love them. You shouldn't have married him if you weren't willing to let him adopt your children.

kiwichickie

When in doubt - do nothing. Its gonna be difficult though if he keeps asking to adopt her and you say no. Tell him you dont think he is ready.

â™¥áƒ¦â™¥ Finally Got My Miracle â™¥áƒ¦â™¥

Dont ask him. Your the childs mother make sure its right for you. If he "sometimes" ingores her then no I dont think its the right decision. Your main priority is your daughter, you have to do whats in the best interest for her and if your second guessing yourself than you know its not the best thing right now. Good luck! =]

mushroom

I think you already know the answer, reading your discription of him. wait a while longer to see if he is a good dad, the only thing I see if you let him adopt her now is she is his responciblity legally to provide for and she would have legal rights to inherentacne,from him. ther maybe be lagal draw backs if you get divorced or seperated. chose carefully please good luck god bless you

mom of many

if you are uncertain then don't do it. Wait awhile. But,when a child gets legally adopted, their bio fathers rights are terminated and they are NOT entitled to inheritance from him. Its like he doesn't exist. Unless the will is specified "for his daughter who was adopted by someone else"

good girl

I really dont think you should let him adopt her now. Let her start school first. That will give you about 3 years to know if that is for the long run. My "dad" never adopt me . Not because he didnt want. He did. Was because we didnt need the docs to tell us what our heart already knew.
I call my stepfather- " dad" for over 28 years. My mom met him when I was 2. He never had other baby with my mom. He was fine in having me and my sister as his. Almost the same situation as yours.
Good luck to you.

Todd C

father's like mothers are not perfect if you found a wonderful guy that wants to adopt your child let him.
oh no he drink oh no he isn't the best father, but you married him leave him or let him adopt

Daniel T

Pros:
You all can have the same last name
If he leaves you can get child support
You can get a tax credit the year you do the adoption
You never have to worry about the bio. father showing back up

Cons:
You can't get child support from the biological father
Your daughter won't inherit anything from the biological father

Result: Get a free consultation with a family lawyer (go by yourself) and talk it out.

PS - Although the biological father has nothing to leave her right now, he might have something one day, or he might hit the lottery - you never know!

Granny 1

If you have doubts no its not a good idea.

sunny

I think you should move back in with mom. Do not let him adopt. If you decide to leave him, he will have partial custody.

It sounds like he likes the IDEA of kids, but really wants to be a single guy.

If possible, get some therapy to find out why you pick selfish, immature guys. Get some books from the library to learn about raising your self-esteem.

You deserve better, and so does your daughter.

Alex S

This decision is a huge one for you! I think you should focus on how well you really know him. Keep a little diary on him, record his behavior when he is with her and away from her. The drinking is only an issue if after alcohol he gets violent and could pose a threat to you and your baby. Talking is always a great help, Talk to him about all of your hopes and fears on the situation, also friends and family, ask what they feel they would do if placed into your shoes. Some men change alot after children you could see a whole new side to your husband! I really hope that i may have helped and i wish you, your Husband and your little girl the very best for the future

WooGirl Can Blush Sometimes

Well first of all you need to address the fact that, it sounds like you are not very comfortable with the idea. If he is not around much, but he is a good dad most of the time when he is there. I am not sure that is a good enough case to let him adopt her. Well if he has not had much experience with children that could be the reason he treats her differently sometimes. When I became a step mother I was completely lost. You need to confront him on the things that you are concerned with. Mainly his drinking and the change in attitude towards your daughter. Just be nice about it and also ask him if he is sure that is what he wants to do. Good luck!

just duky

you married him. If you are apprehensive I would say you should wait to make these choices....marriage is a long term idea you are not supposed to just give up on a whim be sure you know what you are doing

*Emmi*

Wow, you sure are a trooper, if he is really ready, but he probably doesn't know what he is getting into, just make sure he really does.

beaut

My husband just adopted my son and its something you have to figure out for yourself,you know this man you know whats best for your child, if he treats her like his own and treats her well thats all you want right?? You can be very protective because you know the child is not really his i know i was and your looking at every little thing that he does and making it much bigger then it would be,ive done it,we have a son together and im not like that with him,but if he ignored my other son i would be pissed off, stupid i know!!
If you do have a shread of doubt hold off on it for a while, i had my doubts but they out weighed the pros of the situation, now that the adoption has gone through were are one big happy family,they are both stable my husband knows that hes his son and thats that nothing will change it,im so glad we done it for us but especially for our son xx

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