My older sister contacted our birth mother?

Lori A

It is your decision, but if you aren't ready I would say don't do it. Reunion is very emotional. Leave the door opened for later on, you may change your mine. If you slam the door shut on your mother now, which I understand why you would, you may be cutting off any contact with your other siblings. They may be far more important to you down the road than the mother is. Remember they didn't have anything to do with your situation either, and they seem to be receptive.

If you had a good life with your Afamily maybe Michael did you a favor, he obviously couldn't have accepted you as one of his own.

LaurieDB

You don't have to meet her if you don't want to do so. You know, we didn't have a choice about being relinquished and being adopted. But, we surely have choices now, including what family members (adoptive or natural) with whom we wish to associate.

You've got siblings, and maybe you'll want to meet them at some point. But, if you just don't want to meet your first mother, that is your choice. Maybe someday you'll feel differently, and maybe not. The point is, you get to decide.

Mei-Ling

You do not have to meet your birth mother if you do not want to.

It's your choice.

Zeena

No, you do not have to meet her if you don't want to.

Penny A (Vanessa)

If you don't want to meet your natural mother, then don't - just say 'no thanks'. At the same time, don't give your sister a hard time over it, let her do what she wants.

nickistar23

I don't think that you should meet her unless you want to. Now that your sister has her contact information it will be possible for you to set something up if you choose to do so later in life. If you go when you are not ready it won't do you any good because you will just resent her the whole time anyways.
I know that this is different, but I have a 2 half brothers and 3 half sisters who I barely knew when I was little. They were my father's kids and he died when I was 7 but was never really around anyways. I never had much to do with them, but as I got older I started getting really curious about them. They are much older than me (I am the youngest) and I always felt that if they really cared about me they would have taken the initiative to contact me, and I pretty much hated them for that. It wasn't like they couldn't find me. So, I have had a different experience, but in some ways it is kind of similar. Only one of my brothers has really cared enough to keep in touch once in awhile and I am very grateful for that. My recommendation is don't go until YOU are absolutely ready (even if that means never at all), and second... you might consider trying to find a way to talk to your other siblings. They are still your blood whether you really knew them or not and they may want to know you later on, and they shouldn't be punished for their parent's mistakes. Good luck to you and only do what YOU feel is right!

minmin

wow! i am not sure i can say anything to help but i totally agree that you are entitled to your feelings. she chose a man over you and you have every right to be angry about that!

and i can NOT see how your sister could forgive her for giving her up at AGE 3. what kind of person could raise a child for 3 years and then give them away? i think your mother must have some psychological issues because that just isn't normal.

i am so sorry for you both and i hope that time will help to heal you!

kisseemeebuty

I have two adopted girls (all grown up now). One is interested in finding their biological mother because she want to find out why she didn't want her. The other one is angry at their mother and says she don't want to meet her because she will tell her mother off. I leave it up to them.

Kimmerz

No, you do not have to meet her. That is your choice to make, just like it was her choice to give you up for adoption.
I am sorry this has happened to you and I know how you fell. I just don't understand how mother's who are able to take care of their own children choose a man over them.

4 everwright

You do not have to. Tell your sister you will see how things go. Tell her your feeling are hurt. If your real mom was young maybe I can a slight understand. But she still should not have done it!! men can have women do things. If you do meet her watch and let time tell. Is she selfish and does not think of really saying how and how hard it was, How sorry, but really shows it by the reactions and caring!!!

littleJaina

No, you don't have to meet her. No one can make you every meet her, but you absolutely don't have to until you are ready. One day, you may feel differently. Heck, one day you may want to just so you can give her a good piece of your mind (and maybe a few well chosen curse words). However, if you don't feel ready, then you're not ready, and that's all.

There are a few things to keep in mind though. Firstly, you younger siblings are not you biological mother. You may want to know them even if you don't want to know her. Again, however, this is totally up to you.

Secondly, remember that your older sister had a different experience from you. Your bio-mom gave her up when she was 3! That means she likely has some memories of living with her, even if they are blurry. She had already bonded with her. Even though, in some ways, this may give her more reasons to hate her, it may also give her more reasons to want to forgive her. She may just desperately need bio-mom to love her so that she doesn't feel as "rejected". In your case, you know your bio-mom chose a husband over you - but when she adopted you out you were only an infant she likely hadn't even named yet. With your sister it was different. She already knew your sister. You sister had already run to her with scratches and nightmares, getting comfort and kisses. Thus, the rejection with your sister is more personal. She didn't give away "a baby" then... she gave away a very specific person. You sister is likely looking for validation that there wasn't something wrong with her.

I feel bad for you. I'm glad you have had adoptive parents that loved you. Your biological mother certainly didn't have her priorities strait, but luckily it sounds like your parents do! Good luck!

2/20/2009

You should meet her, and then after a few meetings, have a sit down and ask her why and tell her what you are feeling towards the subject. After that I think if you still feel the same way then you should just move on and forget, but at least give it a chance.

I don't know how you can leave a child. Especially in your case, where she did have money. She basically chose that guy over you. I think that is horrible. These are the things that you can bring up to her when you speak with her. OR you could write her a letter, before even deciding to meet with her telling her your feelings.

mary z

She is a heartless person..Thank God you were not raised by her.I would not have anything to do with her either..why open up that can of worms..kiss your adoptive mother next time you see her and count yourself lucky.

mmmckinn

Wow, this woman had the sorry self-esteem to dump a baby by her dead husband so that she could marry another man, just to have a man in her bed? She didn't need him for money, just for comfort? And there you were, a sweet little innocent angel in her belly.

Please post an answer to a question that I have. You say this Michael wants to meet you. Is he the guy your mother adopted you out for? If so, I sure as hades would not meet her. And she can keep him.

Corn is not dog food! No wheat!

You are entitled to your feelings, and let me tell you, if it was me, I'd be pissed and screaming.

Screaming swear words! At all of them.

I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this.

This is gonna sound weird, but hang in there...

I think you should take a step back. Right now it's "in your face" and not letting you rest. If you decide to put it all on hold for now and do other things, this issue will resolve itself in it's own good time.

When people pester you to meet them, tell them you need to wait.
Just that. No details.
Make it perfectly clear that you're waiting, and if they "surprise" you, they aren't gonna like what happens to them.

Good luck to you.
If you can't get any peace, make them take you to therapy.
It does help.

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