My parent had a son before I was born and they gave him up for adoption...?

I have a brother that i have never met that was adopted before i was born. I did not find out unti i was 13 and have been aggitated since. (aggitated because i know so little)

I have posted some info on adoption board websites but have received no responses. I just wanted my info out there in case he decided he wanted some more info as well.

Here is my dilemma, I do not know how far i should get into searching because i do not know how he (my adopted brother) or my family (his biological family) feel about the situation. It is never talked about (though i know my parents think of him often).

Can anyone give me some insight?

p.s.
(my parents signed privacy rights when he was born so i do not believe they are legally allowed to search for him)
Additional Details
i believe he would be 28 so im afraid that he does not want to know (i feel at this point he would have attempted to contact us already)

snowwillow20

There are no privacy rights to be signed. That is simply not true. They may believe that is what they signed but that was told to birthparents and it's not true. There is no law that says they can't search.

How old is he? If he's over 18 then he can search, you can search your parents can search.

Hopefully is aparents told him he was adopted, that could be a problem.

I understand how you feel. When my son was 23, I told him that he had a full blooded sister 6 years older than him. He was mad that we hadn't told him. I probably never would have confessed if I hadn't decided to search.
When I found her, I had to tell everyone, my dad, my co-workers and most of my friends. It was interesting to see the reactions. I had always felt that people would think I was a filthy piece os scum for giving my child up and people were shocked but thrilled for me.

It's time to talk to your parents, it's going to very difficult for them since they have been living a lie for so long, they probably have a lot of guilt. I had counseling and I recommend it. Oh, I still have guilt, but I'm better now. I can tell you that reuniting with my bdaughter has had a very cleansing affect on my life and I am a far happier person.

My reunion has been pretty darn good. When I decided to search, I decided that I must be prepared for the reunion to go either way. I was lucky that she decided to include us in her life.

Just remember, reunions are very fragile and we must cherish what we have.

Lori A

It took my daughter until she was 28 to find me. I too was told that I could not search, but she could. Simply not true.

If you are 18 you have every right to know your brother no matter what anyone else feels about the situation. You were not subject to the adoption agreement. You have freedom of association.

Use the web site Mama Kate gave you and get registered. Then start looking locally for registries. Jsut keep trying. If you're not comfortable, of legal age, and do not wish to share your plan with anyone you are not legally obligated to do so.

If they think of him often my guess is they would love to hear from him if he is willing.

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

MamaKate

I seriously doubt your parents signed a "privacy rights" statement.

You have the right to free association with your brother as long as he agrees to associate with you.

If you are serious about wanting to know your brother, you should talk to your parents and get as much information as you can.

You should register with ISRR: http://www.isrr.net/

I wish you the best of luck in finding your brother and hope that he is receptive.

PhilM

The adoption may have been closed, but they can search, and so can you.

Many male adoptees do not search until later in life (for a variety of reasons). Indeed, I was 36 before I started my search, so just because he hasn't searched yet, doesn't mean he isn't interested. It's also possible he may have searched but isn't having any luck finding you.

All you can do is try. Search and try to find him. Be prepared for anything. I would have been happy if my family had searched for me, but they were told not to.

If you want to find him, you should do so. But, as I said, be prepared for anything. He may not be interested. But he may be. You have no way of knowing until you do it.

Good luck to you. I hope you find him. And I wish you both a happy reunion.

It's me

I think if you wanna know your brother then you should try to find him. It's better then always wondering what could have been if you don't even try. Try to talk to your parents let them know you wanna meet him and go from there. Good Luck!

Michelle

If you really do want to find him, you might have to start searching with a private investigator. Sometimes it's bad to bring up adoption, though, because you never know what the boy wants and maybe he's not finding you guys on purpose. Unless he doesn't know about his adoption, I'd say it might be better to leave it.

â™¥Loving himâ™¥

they are not but u can but thats only if hes over 18 now..... i wouldent care what they think about it ur curius and want to find him i would send an e-mail to The Locator or Maury and search like that but idk what you want to do because of your parents

sheryl

anyone searching for an adopted person needs the adoptees permission before they can be told where they are.
i feel sorry for you never getting to meet your brother but worse still annoyed that your parents didn't tell you sooner, i have 2 children both adopted and am pregnant with my third which will live with me but i will be sure he grows up knowing he has a brother and sister and i will always be open and honest with him about things
i wish you luck in finding your brother

Captain Hook

If there are privacy rights, then you won't be able to find him. I was adopted and before (if) my birthmother ever came looking for me they would need my permission first.

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