My parents-in-law, their really close friend had a baby and his wife is skisafrenic....?

APV

ADOPT EMILY - no question

THEN....Wait 6-9months and start the infertility process...

It's not fair to put an infant with 50-60 years olds..It's not in her best interest....

Mom to Foster Children

"so my parents-in-law are going to court today to adobt the baby"

If they are adopting the baby today what are you going to do - protest it? I don't quite understand your question, but adoption should be about the children not about fulfilling one of your needs. I understand that you want a baby and that adoption might be an option for you - but please do it for the right reasons and not just because you want a baby and especially if you want it to look just like you. The adopted child has a past / has a history and already has a family. If you are a family that must step in because the first family can not then yeah - go for adoption...but if you feel that you need to have a baby of your own then I suggest trying to get pregnant on your own.

The Wife

It's schizophrenic... and adopt.

I think you should try on your own. Your parents in law are adopting this child, not you.

wynn

Even if Emily has dark hair like you and eyes like your husband's that doesn't mean she's going to have a personality like either of you. Her looks might be similar, but what makes her herself came from her parents. Can you see someone like them as being part of your family?

I don't get the whole "should we go ahead and adopt her" thing. Are your in-laws completely indifferent to whether they raise this baby or you do? Have you spoken to them about it? You mention what you and your husband are thinking, but not what they have said.

I think the baby should be with people who really want to be her parents and who will accept her for who she will grow up to be. Poor Emily shouldn't be an unwanted burden on your in-laws that they'd just as soon pass off to someone else. She shouldn't be the back up plan in case your medication doesn't work.

Possibly you were posting this question in a rush and it didn't come out worded the way it should have?

Just a Mom

Oh, lord.

How exactly are you going to do this? Decide to go to a lawyer and dissolve their adoption, or what? You have no rights to that child at all. If they do die, then maybe, but people are living longer and longer and having a little one might bring back their youth.

I think you need to go ahead and get pregnant. Leave them and their adoption alone.

Sofiakat

If what you are saying is that you would not want Emily if you got pregnant...than no, you should not adopt her.
Have you even discussed this with your parents?

Indian-vision

I think you should try and get pregnant and leave Emily alone and let Social services decide if those parents are fit parents or not. Give the family support and offer to baby sit Emily if the parents ever get overwhelmed. But don't try and fight them for their child they would like to raise.

dreamer83

I don't see how you could think of this as an option right now. Emily clearly is about to get parents who will love her, why would you want to take her away from that? Try your fertility treatments first and then see where you stand, but don't get involved in this now, I don't think you're emotionally ready. It's an admirable thing you're trying to do, but I think you need to reassess what you really want. You and your husband seem like really good people, just don't rush into this.

Heather B

No don't adopt Emily. What kid wants to feel second best to your natural child or worse still, the natural child that never was.

p.s. It's impossible for Emily to have your hair and your husband's eyes - she's from an entirely different gene pool!

B. White

Have the parental rights been terminated? The process of terminating parental rights can be very long so, unless it is completely uncontested, I doubt that it could occur in only three weeks. My parents adopted a baby girl from foster care whose parents were unable to care for her because they both suffered with severe schizophrenia. My parents had my sister at only three days old but her adoption was not finalized until she was three years old.

Have you discussed this with your in-laws or Emily's parents? If Emily's parents are voluntarily relinquishing their rights then they may have chosen your in-laws because of their close connection. It's quite possible that the parents want to stay in Emily's life and feel more comfortable placing her with close friends.

You are just starting fertility treatments and seem to long for a biological child. If you really want a biological child instead of an adoptive child then it is best not to adopt.

In response to some of the other answers, my sister is perfectly healthy and does not have schizophrenia even though there was a higher chance of her having the disease because both of her biological parents had it. That being said, with a family history, whoever cares for Emily should educate themselves on the signs and symptoms of schizophrenia to ensure early treatment (although treatment for this disease may or may not work) should the disease arise.

Heather Leigh

I think you ned to continue with your fertility treatment. You stated ta you want a baby of your own. So, this is the route you should go.

If later on you find out that you are unable to have children, then start researching adoption. once you have comes to terms with your infertility, then you can look into adopting. Right now, it sounds like Emily would just be a consolation prize.

Best of luck to you on your fertility treatments.

DevonChaos

You are in no way mature enough to take on this child. I can tell from your question and your responses that you are unprepared for taking on this kind of responsibility. This is a human child, one with a past that you cannot take away. She doesn't have your hair or your husbands eyes. She has her own parents features. Have your own baby in a few years when you are ready. This poor child will have enough issues in life without having to deal with yours also.

Santa's Lil' Helper

I am finding this very difficult to read.

You say they have NO CHOICE....no child she be adopted out of pity.

Nurse Answer Mama

If the only real reason you would adopt this child is because your in-laws are older, that is ageist.
So, if Emily gets older, you don't WANT to adopt her?
You don't know what the future holds. YOU could die before your in-laws.
I think you should leave that child alone.

RPMR

Doubt means no! Adoption is about a child's well being not about whether u can have a baby or not! I do see some concern about Emily's well being but I see a lot more of u being afraid of ending up childless. If that's ur problem u should seek counseling and make peace with the fact that u can't have babies. Do not make this child ur second choice! She'll have to live with that! Make her ur first! If u can't do that now then u are not ready for adoption! I hope you take this for what it is: constructive criticism. May God bless u, ur husband, ur in-laws, and specially Emily.

myst1998

What a sad situation for Emily and her family... that a mental health disorder has to sever the tie between them. It is truly a tragedy.

Why are they adopting her? Why not just foster her long term so she can always know her parents? Regardless of what the mother is suffering from, she doesn't deserve to lose her child outright like this, that is just sad. She didn't ask for this disorder, it may have been genetic and right now, due to the hormones being all over the place, it might be worse but she may not always be like this. There is usually help for someone in her situation or maybe someone (i.e. relative) could become Emily's custodian without the guillotine approach of adoption.

She sounds adorable... and she may have some features that are like yours and your husband's (technically it is impossible for her to have your husband's eyes as they are not related) but imagine how similar to her parents she is.

If you care about Emily, approach this differently and try for something like Permanent care or guardianship so she can always know her mother and father and have supervised visits with them if she wants.

disco ball

I think you should adopt her..the only thing is that u know she might suffer from schizophrenia when she grows up. I think she has about a 50% chance since her mother has it (that is not a reason NOT to adopt her). There are medicines that control schizoprenia nowadays, can't her mother take some pills?
Hope all turns out great-you can have your own baby later on. It will be great for her to have young parents!

Why are people so blind?

You should do what you feel you should do, no one can make that choice for you.

love is a choice, whether its to love your own child, or someone elses. Adopting a baby means they are just the same as one that was born out of you.

Theres nothing to keep you from having more as time goes on, if you should decide to adopt her.

dude

i would stay away from the baby of a SCHIZOPHRENIC woman.

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