My sister is thinking about giving her baby up for adoption and im against it.. what do you think about this?

Lisa

It's interesting, and sickening how all these people are pushing "open" adoptions and some even sound like they are trolling for babies.

Open adoptions are the proverbial carrot that adoption professionals dangle in front of vulnerable parents. Open adoption agreements are not enforceable. So, if you are counting on getting "pictures and letters, even visitation" to EASE the pain of adoption.......think again. Chances are that will never happen, and when it doesn't, you have absolutely NO leg to stand on in a court of law. And believe me, pictures will not ease the pain. Nothing will. This is a flesh and blood child that will be in your heart forever.

Adoptive parents, agencies will make open adoption promises to get you to sign over your kid.....they are empty promises that leave you with empty arms.

Your sister needs to talk to women and children that have been separated by adoption, and get a REAL understanding of what her and her child will have to survive.

burgertime

Offer her your support you're not pregnant, she is. It is her decision.

Josephine

You're being very selfish. You're only thinking about how this will effect you. Think about the baby!

Mom of two

I think that this is going to be hard on her either way. Tell her that you will support any decision she makes...but mean it!

Satchel S

If at all possible I believe that the best thing for a child is to be with its biological family. Maybe she is just a little stressed and by the time that she has her baby she will feel differently. Also perhaps it will be the motivation that she needs to grow up a bit more and be more responsible in other aspects of her life. I don't think that she will be able to put it up for adoption if the biological father wants it anyway. You are not being selfish. You just care a great deal about your family and it is a sad situation for you. I hope all goes well for everyone involved.

Mrs. Herrera

I think it is her personal decision and I am sure she would like her sister there as an emotional support no matter what she chooses.

cmc

A couple of things come to mind....
It is really your sister's decision, but she will need the father's permission too. He may not follow through with his desire to parent, but if she terminates her rights, and not his, he can have sole custody, so she needs to work this out with him before she goes very far with the adoption.
Also if she does place for adoption depending on the family she chooses and agreed amount of contact you could still see your niece grow up. It wouldn't be the same, but she might not be 100% out of your life.
Your sister needs a lot of support right now to make the best decision for herself and her child. If you can think of that first that would help her a lot. If she keeps the baby you'll have a niece/nephew, but she will need to parent the child for a lifetime, which is a huge commitment and she needs to decide if she can do that. If she places the baby for adoption, that will be very hard for her too, and she'll need emotional support.

Kimberly C

It's better than abortion, but she's an idiot for smoking weed.

writer writer on the wall

though it is her decision, I think you should try your best to talk her out of it. She should at least get to know the child first.
Don't be to quick to judge, try to put yourself in her position. When the child is born, be there to help her.

snowwillow20

If the father wants full custody, why give the baby up for adoption? Let him have the child.
Please tell her it is not ok to to smoke weed while pregnant.

SuperUberBob

It's her kid. Let her give the kid up for adoption if she wants.

Better than an abortion. Or having the child live an awful childhood.

timeout

Gosh............your sister is not ready for a child she smokes pot. She should put the child up for adoption. Better than live with a mom, who needs to grow up, also there would be no stress for this child when social services takes him/her away.

Tilden J.

First of all, if the the father wants the child, and can give it a loving home, he has every right to fight for it. Your sister can't give the baby away, without his consent. Your feelings are normal, but they are your feelings. You are not a part of this decision. Your job is, to support you sister, and love her through this. She is going to need,all of the love and support she can get. If she chooses adoption, open adoptions are wonderful. I have a grandson who will be two tomorrow. I see him twice a year, because we live in different States. But I know everything about him, and he has a wonderful life.

Monica

I believe personally that the choice should be hers however an adoption CANT occur without the consent of the biological father.

dontknow86

The father will get it then for sure she cant do it with out his signature anyway.

~Native Bear~

I think that is ridicoulus, if i were you tell her that if you had the free time you would take care of her/him and that tell her don't do the adoption cuse your right later on she is going 2 regret it and she will wish that she wish she didn't do that.

Timothy B

I am an adoptee. Adoption is a wonderfull choice. But in this case it really does not matter. The mother can not place the child into adoption without the fathers consent, also in most states the child is given a drug test at birth. Here in Texas it is a felony to conceive a child and that child test positive for drugs/you would go to prison.

If the child does test + the father will have no problem obtaining full custody and not give any rights to the mother.

If she is smoking weed right now what kinda mother do you think she would be. That child needs to be as far away from her as possible. Drug addicts do no make good parents.

blondie...ttc 4yrs and counting.

First of all the she needs to understand that a pot smoking father is not going to get custody unless she is a very unfit mother and does not have a support system. She sounds like she is just confused and needs some support. If she does chose to give the baby up for adoption you have to remember to support her either way. Ultimately it is her choice.

durdenslabs

She doesn't need to raise a child at all!!!

She smokes weed WHILE PREGNANT! This is endangering the child before it's even born.

She lives at home.

She doesn't have a job.

She's 19, no previous experience with children, and obviously can't take care of herself much less a child.

If the father is stable and wants the baby maybe your sister should let him have him/her.

Just because your sister doesn't like the father doesn't mean she has the right to give the baby up for adoption. The father has to sign over paternity rights in order for her to give the baby up in the first place.

Nicole

As horrible as this will sound, its not your choice. She is clearly mature enough to think things through and realize having a child so young, while unemployed and living with her parents (not to mention a deadbeat father) is not the best for the child. You should commend her for being so responsible in this situation and trying to figure out the best thing for the baby.
I can understand you'd be upset about not seeing the child, but again, it is her child and she needs to decide what is best. If you guilt her into keeping the child, not only will she suffer and possibly be a poor mother, but the baby will suffer the most.
You can talk to her about an open adoption. That would allow your family and her to keep in contact with the adoptive parents, receive pictures, updates, etc.

One Lov3

i now getting pregnant at 19 is hard nd not working is too but her smoking weed is not good 4 the kid... what the hell is she thinking but i think adoption is a better choice for what is best for the baby i think ppl who cant have or love kids will love it and if she does a open adoption you will get updates on whats going on with it

â™¥due 12.31.09â™¥

Well, if I were YOU I would adopt the child, and LET the child know as it GROWS you are his/hers AUNT... MOMMY will realize within two years what the blessing is...

Good Luck

myst1998

Here are some links to give her to read:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/257390/the_case_against_adoption_research.html?cat=49
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/adoptees_and_truth.html
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_damage_to_children.html
http://mystere1998.blogspot.com/2009/01/lets-starrt-at-very-beginning.html
http://mystere1998.blogspot.com/2009/01/found-it.html

Also get her to read the Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier and the books by Betty Jean Lifton. Let her know that if she truly wants the best for her child then she would read and research. The adoption process will appear glossy at first while she has something an agency or couple covet: her baby but once those papers are signed, she will be tosed to the wind and any so called 'open' arrangements could be broken as so sadly happens.

Maybe you could help her raise the baby? Get her to move where you are? She needs help... her depression can affect her unborn baby.

Good luck and all the best.

heather w

Well it all depends on the father. If he isn't immature or is responsible then why not let him have custody. You all could reason with him to let you all see the baby, I mean she will have visitations but he will have custody. Just because she does pot doesn't mean she won't get to see the baby if he has custody. She is obviously having issues but eventually she will see what her child will mean to her in the future and most likely if she keeps her head on straight she will be in the childs life full time. She needs to have someone in her life to help her out and help her do that.

Crucio

You are entitled to your feelings however itâ€™s not your decision. Only the babys biological parents get too decided on adoption or not. Though if the father wants full custody legally she really cant place the baby for adoption.

I am not sure if you are trying to say the father smokes weed or your sister smokes weed. If you sister smokes weed I must say I donâ€™t blame the father for wanting full custody. I would also request that your sister be the one to pay for any special care or needs that this child may need due to her abuse while it is in utero. If itâ€™s the father who is smoking weed then I can understand that your sister would not want him to end up with the baby. However he would have to be proven unfit and have his rights terminated. Any courts would likely give him time to get his drug issues in check. So during that time if your sister wasnâ€™t caring for the baby the baby would have to be in temporary foster care.

Though you donâ€™t agree with her decision you should be there to support her. It probably was not an easy decision to make. Plus she canâ€™t give up her rights until the child is born she could change her mind once she sees her baby.

Possum

Thankyou for sticking up for your neice/nephew.
This child needs a voice from his/her family.
Try and get your sister to read this -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf
Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem.
She needs to leave the idiott - and stand tall for her child.
He can look after himself - this child can not.
It's hard to grow in a family of genetic strangers - I've been doing it for 39 yrs.
I wish you family - and this baby - well.

elkdevel

She cannot give the child up to anyone if the father wants it. If I was the father she would be thinking twice about the drugs. And if she is stupid enough to smoke weed while pregnant, she shouldn't be allowed to have children. The only thing you should be depressed about is allowing the drug use. Get a life.

Camerons mommy [10weeks with #2]

I think if thats what she wants to so let her.

me and my husband are wanting to adopt. And we would do an open adoption....

Bernie mac

Clearly adoption is better for the baby.

The mother is unemployed how is she going to raise the baby? govements money?
Plus, the baby's daddy is a pothead, does she honestly expect him to pay child support? He's going to spend the money on drugs and does she really want her baby around drugs?

The decision is hers NOT yours.

Proud mommy <3

This is a hard situation. Your sister really shouldn't be concerned about what the baby's father is doing or going to do. If she is smoking weed while pregnant, you should be telling her that is really bad! She will cause permenant problems. I know someone who smoke weed while pregnant and her daughter has permenant kidney problems. So that is a big concern. As far as her choosing adoption, it's ultimately up to her. She is the one that is going to be caring for the child. It sounds like she has a lot of immature drama going on and maybe she wont be fit to care for a child. I can tell you though that I was 19 when I had my son and it was really hard. It still is. Being a mother comes naturally. My whole life changed when I saw my son. I became a completely different person. I am your typical mom that has no social life. lol. Maybe your mother could offer her help and take legal custody of the baby until your sister is ready to be a mother. Try and keep the baby in the family. Remember though that if she chooses adoption that it is her choice and you really can't be mad at her for that. The baby will be placed with a family that is going to take care of him/her very well. You have to do whats in the baby's best interest, and if that means adoption, then so be it. I would also tell your sister that there are tons of young mothers out there that do it and life does get better. Mothers are real life super heroes. So just be there to support her in whatever she choses to do. I think even if she did chose adoption that the court will try and place the baby with the father, especially if he wants custody.

Amber fg

Wow! She just needs to remember that adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You need to be supportive of her no matter what decsion she makes. Do not make her feel bad about wanting to have an adoption plan for her child. Also, speak up and let her know that you will support her and help with the baby if she decides to raise it.

I am an adoptive mother, and if my daughter became pregnant unexpectedly I would do everything I could to support her to keep her child (if she choose)

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