Natural / first / original / birth / real / tummy mothers?

Whatever you call yourself we share an intimate connection with adoption.

How do you feel when you listen to the adoptees here? Are you afraid for your child? Do you question yourself? Wonder how much you may have hurt little Sally or Johnny?

Or do you feel more confident about your choice? That what you chose was truly best for them?

And lastly is the adoption open or closed?
Additional Details
I wanted to answer my own question.

As both an adoptee and an nmom I am constantly battling myself. I can't walk in both shoes at the same time, it is just too painful.

The more I read about adoptee issues, the more I hear their stories told in their own words, the more I hate the choice I had rammed down my throat. I spend a ton of time trying to figure out how best to deal with these things for myself and my son. I have spent many years trying to come to terms with my own adoption and it has not been an easy road to travel. Now I find myself wondering how much damage I have caused my son as well. How badly have my poor choices affected him? When the time comes will I be able to help him heal or will I cause more pain? I don't like this double position bs. I don't want to be hurt inside and I don't want my son to be hurting either. I find that listening to other adoptees has helped me gain valuable insight into my son and how he may be feeling. I feel immense pain for my son.

janine k

As a natural mother and also an adoptee i know,deep inside,that giving my daughter up for adoption was the best thing that I could have done for her in the time that she was born[30 years ago] in those days in my country there were no such thing as an open adoption all records were closed and most still are even today.As to whether there is hurt there I feel that there must be on her side as she knows where I am and that I would love contact but has refused to do so and I can only hope that she changes her mind on this in the future

Lori A

Oh I just knew it was the right thing to do...Until the ink was dry and the horor stories started. I worried for 28 years whether I gave her the life I had imagined for her or whether I handed her over to the very same thing I was protecting her from.

Bottom line, closed adoption, she faired well.

It didn't stop all the stuff in my head though, not until she found me and told me what a good life she had. It was the best choice but you don't know that until the day you hear it from their lips.

snowwillow20

I can totally relate to everything you said and if I had found this site before reunion, I would have probably gone crazy or done myself harm wondering about her life, but since I know her now, I know she had a fairly decent life although like the rest of us, she has issues. She had a loving amom to help her through the rough times and for her I am grateful.

red&sassy

Thanks for the question. I feel the same way. Unfortunately for me, I do have reasons for concern. Serious reasons. Time will tell.

I think on the whole, there are many adoptees here (that are for adoption reform), who have had great Aparents.

We will never know for sure.... there's no guarantee of reunion. We can only wait and hope. That's all. I know I have read some posts that have just left me bawling. We did the best we could at the time.

candy cane

i want to tell each of you that you made the right choice at the time. and the most loving thing you caould ever do is to unselfishly give a child up to have a better life than you know you can provide. I am a adoptee who was adopted into a great family not to say we didnt have our disfuntions dont we all. but my life is great all in all. If i knew how to find my birth mother i would meet her to thank her for giving me my life. I would love to meet her just to know who she is but i dont have a burning desire to "know her" i dont feel like i am missing a piece of me or anything. but it would be cool to find out who she is.

Herbie

Some adoptees have good stories, but most of the mad ones, I stay away from.
I know my daughter will be safe and have the life Iwanted. No worries here.
I did question myself in the beginning, but now I'm so happy I did it for her.
I don't think she's messed up at all. She knows where she came from. She's a very well balanced little girl that resembles me to a tee. Even our personalities are the same. And she has some of my mannerisms.
Ours was open. i see her three or four times a year.

Victoria Sparda +Pagan Feminist+

I don't have a problem with many, the ones who decide to insult me though, I just want to ring their necks sometimes, They have never gone through knowing that they would be unable to care for the child they are carrying, they don't understand what it is like to feel a life growing inside of them only to realize that you can't give the child what they need.

The insulting ones don't seem to think of what would happen if they had not been adopted, for all they know they could have been raised in a family with little food to eat and old clothes that had holes all over.

They jump to judgment before knowing much, before understanding.

Yes, I understand that they are hurt from having been adopted, but you don't see us insulting them do you? You don't hear me calling them unwanted do you? One of them had the nerve to call me a dead-beat for giving my child up (Which the choice has been made) when they don't realize that my Post traumatic Stress Disorder and being bi-polar make it a risk to care for a child full time since you can't just walk away from a crying child and ignore them as I can with other stresses in my life. Owning my own business doesn't mean I'm flawless, thing is I handle most of my business from home meaning I don't have to deal with customers face to face very often, with a child I would end up having no way to get away from them without neglecting them.

Many of them really need to think before they blurt out insults to people they don't know.

They don't hurt my feelings any, quite the opposite really, they p!$$ me the hell off is what the insulting ones do.

I really don't see why they are so mad, My fiance is an adoptee, so are a good many of my friends, not a single on for the adoptees I know are even the least bit bitter.

Edit: When I put Veronica up for adoption it was an open adoption, have a video chat with her and her adoptive parents tomorrow afternoon

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