Nearly 6 months pregnant, facing the thought that it might be best to put her up for adoption?

lady

I gave my child up in an open adoption to "friends". After the adoption finally went through, I was told I could no longer have any contact. I was devasted. I would never had gone through with it if I had known. I also was surrounded by a bunch of brainwashing baby stealers. Do I sound angry? You bet I am. For all those who think adoption is so great, I say give one of your babies away and then tell me all about it. Baby stalkers sit on this sight waiting for someone like you to post something like this and then they want to be your new best friend and will email and talk to you. Some say they've given they're baby away, just to lure you in... they're like pediphiles.

It's a hell you will never know. I have since had another child, but it's hell everyday. That nasty post you got, that is exactly what people will say to you. If it hurt you now, think of how it will feel then. Before I gave my child up for adoption, I was surrounded by people telling me how strong and wonderful I was. As soon as the papers were signed.... they were gone. Then when I made the mistake of telling people what I had done.... oh my gosh.... the negativity was so overwhelming.

You can embrace your daughter and provide. She will be the driving force in your life. You will not regret it. You know who makes good parents? The ones who have the greatest doubts.

Amanda

Bravo to you. Honestly, either way you go, I think it's wonderful that you're do it for what's in the best interest for your baby! There's a great site: http://www.adoptionquotes.org/

This is an OPEN adoption site, which not only lets you choose the adoptive family, but allows you to know (or not know, it's up to you) what's going on in your child's life (sending pictures, etc).

Mister Bald

It has to be your decision. You are the only one who knows what's best for you. Most hospitals can help you with adoption options. Stay away from any Internet adoption sites.

juneangel26

My natural mother chose to put my younger brother and I up for adoption when we were toddlers (we are only a year a part). We were adopted together by a family who had two children of their own and were looking to help out. It was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. I am now a strong, successful adult with a family that would go to the ends of the earth for me. I know you already love the child growing inside of you. I have a son and understand that bond. But if you really love something, you would do anything to make their life better. The choice is truly yours, and a very hard one, just consider your future, her future, and the future of the family that would potentially adopt her.

razi_woman

www.adoption.org is a huge database that has adoption information.

From the sounds of it you would make a great mother, but placing her up for adoption may be a great idea too. I was adopted, and I wouldn't ask for anything else. My adopted mom and I have a super relationship... we are like best friends and phone each other everyday. It wasn't an open adoption, but I certainly don't resent my birth mom or hate her or anything like that that people fear, so I think open adoption is a safe option.

Mom to Foster Children

Bless you for thinking about the baby, and not just yourself! You can call local adoption agencies...pick out a family and have an open adoption...where you can be part of the little girls life! Just make sure you have a contract and you feel comfortable with the people you choose!

magic pointe shoes

I know this pdf file is long, but it has some great information about considering adoption and safe guarding your rights.

Just know that you cannot make the adoption decision until after your child is born. Until then, you are the child's mother. Embrace that knowledge and don't let anyone feed you the adoption koolaid about this choice. Go in with your eyes wide open.

Just Me

God bless you for wanting so badly to do what's right for your baby. There are losts of adoption forums online. Try your local Department of Human/Social Services, too. They could provide you with information. There are so many options available to you. Not trying to steer you in the other way, but I got pregnant at 25 with my son. I haven't spoken to my parents in years so I had no family support and the father chose to not be a part of the baby's life. I am fortunate to have a good job, but it still didn't make it a cake walk. I honestly thought of adoption too. I had my son, went thru a crappy pregnancy, labored and delivered all by myself. Brought him home and had NO idea how to take care of a baby. ( I had lived a pretty selfish, carefree life and didn't even want kids ) He is 4 years old now and we have had some big mountains we have climbed together, let me tell you. He is the reason I have managed to live and breathe these past 4 yrs, tho ! I married in Nov to a wonderful man and we are expecting an unplanned baby in July. I honestly never thought I had it in me to be a single mom, but I did it. It's not always easy, but it has many rewards, too. But, I also think adoption is such an amazing thing. I have a friend & her husabnd who adopted a baby about 8 yrs ago. They did an open adoption, the child's mom still maintains contact with them today. She picked them out of lots of potential people, so it was such a blessing for them. It literally changed their lives in so many ways I couldn't even tell you. They have given him a wonderful life and he has brought them so much joy after years of them thinking they'd never have kids. I will say a prayer for you because I know this is such a difficult choice for you.Good luck to you and the little baby !

Tina

I am the mother of 8 kids (7 at home). I have given birth and adopted. My sister-in-law has placed a child up for adoption (not to us). So, I have a lot of experience with this one on both sides (and I am a lawyer myself). I know that a law firm by the name of Kirsh and Kirsh in Indiana is a very reputable firm. Steve and Joel Kirsh are really nice people and easy to talk to. They are not pushy and will give you the facts straight up. They understand adoption law, because that is all they practice. We are actually in the process of adopting again after a miscarriage and we have looked at a lot of the agencies and facilitators. After meeting with Steve Kirsh, there was no question in our mind who we wanted to go with. He really seemed to care about doing what is right for everyone: birthmother, baby, and adoptive parents. He really impressed me, which as a lawyer myself, that is something not always too easy to do. I don't think they would steer you wrong or push you into anything you did not feel comfortable with. I wish you luck.

CHERYL

COURTNEYS,
DON'T LET THIS PEOPLE GET YOU DONE.
I WAS ADPOTED MYSELF.I KNOW FROM EXPECTS,NOT FROM GETTING UP A CHILD,BUT FROM WHAT PEOPLE FROM TOLD ME ABOUT MY MOTHER AND FATHER.EVERYBODY TOLD ME IT WAS THE BIGGEST DECISION THEY HAD TO MAKE. DON'T GET ME WRONG,SOME PEOPLE SAID IT WAS A GOOD DECISION.I END UP THE A VERY GOOD MOTHER.MY PARNETS WERE 16 AND 19.MY FATHER WAS IN THE ARMY,AND THEY BOTH THOUGHT THAT IT WAS A GOOD THING BECAUSE SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN BY HER SELF.I'M 40 YEARS OLD, SO THING WERE DIFFENT BACK THEN.BUT YOU ARE THE ONE THAT HAS TO MAKE THAT DECISION WITH YOUR HUSBAN OR BOYFRIEND.JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER AND THIER FAMILY IS NOT SUPPORTED TO YOU.YOU CAN STEEL KEEP YOUR LITTLE GIRL WITH OUT YOUR PARTNER SUPPORT.JUST TAKE HIS TO COURT AND HE WILL HAVE TO BE SUPPORTED IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.LOVE YOUR LITTLE GIRL.AND IF YOU AFTER HER BIRTH OF YOUR LITTLE GIRLS BIRTH.DECISIONED TO GIVE HER UP,BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO,OR YOU FEEL LIKE SHE NEED A BETTER LIFE,THEN YOU MAKE THAT DECISION,NOT SOMEBODY ELSE.....BY WHAT I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE A GGOD MOTHER. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU REALLY CARE FOR YOUR LITTLE GIRL.I THINK YOU WILL DO WHAT RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR LITTLE GIRL. KEEP YOU HEAD YOU.I FEEL YOU WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE IT WITH YOUR LITTLE GIRL IN YOUR LIVE...ALOTS OF LOVE AND GOOD LUCK.

fallout_girl05

the message you recieved made me cry (and i DON'T cry (:=). as a birthmother, i totally understand what you're going through. you are already vulnerable, confused, and unsure of what to do AND on top of that you have idiots making judgements about your decisions. it is difficult, but be glad that if you do chose adoption, the parents you choose won't be ignorant people like that. my recommendation is to go to the phone book and find a list of adoption agencies you feel comfortable with (some may be faith based, which you may or may not like). agencies can help financialy and emotionally. most times you will have complete control over which families you want. remember, you don't have to "put you daughter up for adoption" or "give your child up." you can choose to remain a part of her life and find a family that supports that. you're your daughter's mother right now and whatever decision you choose, you did out of your love for her....so don't let scumbags make you feel worthless.

shelleygail76

I came across a really good site just the other day that seems ideal, but I cannot remember for the life of me the name of the site (my husband and I have 2 daughters, and are thinking of adopting-have been thinking about it for quite some time).

Sites I have found that look reputable:
http://www.adoptionquotes.org/
http://www.rainbowkids.com/
http://www.adoption100.com/

If I remember that other site, I will try to come back on and post it.

southern_pirate84

I am 23 years old and starting my 7th month of pregnancy. I am doing adoption for my little girl. I also had a child when i was 19 and chose to do adoption then. I believe it was the best thing and have not had any regrets about the decisions i made. i was able to pick the family and that made me feel much better about what i was doing. anyways, feel free to email me, i am a completely open book and have no problem answering ANY questions (no matter how awkward or personal they may seem).
-Angela
southern_pirate84@yahoo.com

BPD Wife

Kudos to you for thinking about the baby and wanting what is best for her. I would highly suggest calling a reputable adoption agency in your area to discuss the different options available. They will best be able to tell you how things are handled, and give you the most information that you need (as well as support) through this process. Most reputable agencies offer no-obligation meetings with birthparents as well as do not charge the birthparents any fees. I would try contacting someone locally.

Good luck to you and your family.

Patty

i gave up my first child when i was 14. for the same reasons that you are considering this option. simply because i loved him. and i picked out the parents and they tell my son about me. there ARE good things to come from this side of adoption however there is nothing in the world that can prepare you for the pain. and although it lets up after a while, as the years go by you begin to more fully understand what you gave up. the sound of him, the touch of him, his first smile, first steps. and when you are lonely you look around and you realize that there would be a child there. i dont regret my decesion but it has been harder then anything. goodluck. when the time comes you as a mother will know. and no one will ever love her, your child as you

marriedandamom

No parent(s) ever feel they are providing the BEST for their child. The "best" for a child is to be loved. It isn't money or both parents being together even that the child remembers looking back on life.... it is how much they were loved and the good experiences. I agree with the open adoption idea/over the closed adoption (if you choose adoption) - there are many couples out there that agree to allow the birth parent to be a part of the child's life and that way you don't have to completely give up the baby... Pray about it and make the decision that you honestly feel is best for you and the baby. Blessings to you all.

karateJenn

you can go to an adoption website. your making a loving, difficult choice by giving the baby up instead of an abortion. you can also just get the word out that you are looking for an adoptive family, tell your friends and family, they will in turn tell other people who maybe are trying desperatly to adopt. either way good luck, it may be hard.

sydney h

This isnt really an answer to your question, but i was adopted when i was born. I've never met either of my biological parents, but everyday i wonder where i came from, and what my life would have been like if i had stayed with them. Its something that your child will think about, and wonder about, and this may not be for the better. But if you really think that this would be best for your child, then do it.

Lare S

I am so sorry you had to receive that horrible post...some people are just dead set against adoption. Personally, I could never have given up any of my girls but that's me. You have to weigh your situation thoroughly. You mentioned your partner and his family, but what about YOUR family? Do you have any support there? If there's one thing I DO know...You don't have to have a man in your life to raise your child. It's a very tiring but very rewarding journey. There are pleanty of great single parents out there. On the other hand, if you feel you are going to be an unfit mother in some way, or you are a danger to the child...it DOES happen...then absolutely adoption would be in the childs best interest. You seem like a very considerate girl and you seem to be putting alot of thought into this decision and that is great. Just make sure you are making your decision for the right reasons and don't ever let fear of the unknown stop you or change how you feel.

ariana f

don't do that!!!

Andie

From a BrithMother....

I was 18 when a became pregnant...with the guy who was everything I NEVER wanted...I waited untill 6weeks before he was due to make my decision.I really really really strugled with it. I wanted him, I loved him but I knew that I could not give him the life I wanted him to have. On easter sunday I decided to place him up for adoption. I had some great friends of mine who could not have children and asked them to adopt him. Of course they said yes and he really has the most wonderful parents in the world. I gave him life and they will teach him how to live it.

As for the people who feel it necissary to judge. Walk a mile in our shoes before you tell me how to live my life. Its not that we dont love our children. I LOVE my son even though I am not raising him...I would lay down my life for him in a heart beat. Because we love our children we give them life. We love them so much that we are willing to sacrifice our happiness for theirs....How can you tell me I dont love him? I spared him from not having new shoes because I couldnt aford them, simply because I was a single mother. I would have had to work two jobs and my mother would have ended up raising my son. Isnt the whole point to be able to tuck them into bed. We do not give our children up we give them more. I would have missed his whole life and never have been able to provide for him they way I wanted too. I love my son deeply and for years I was crushed.

If you decide to place your child for adoption, thats your choice for you...no one can tell you, didnt do what was right for you. If you are are peace in your heart about your choice the screw what others say...its none of their buisness. If you decide to place your child with a family I would have an open adoption. It wonderful to be there as they grow up and answer their questions as they come, then you have the opportunity to to let them know you loved them. Its a beautiful relationship.

There are all kinds of sites online who have Parents just waiting for an angel. I would look for some one localy so that you can participate in his life. When chosing parents...Pick some one who is most like you. Its comforting.

sunny1falling

My dear, this is a rough decision that you have facing you. I know exactly where you are at in you life..... as I was there as well.... I got pregnant at 22 was unwed...no college.... not a supportive family...and no support from the father at all... I trepidated about what the best thing to do for the baby and for myself.... and to spare you all the long details... I chose to place my son up for adoption.... and when I did this I was pained beyond description... however, It was the right decision for my son and for me.... I had no education...no support.... all alone... and I knew that my son deserved a better life then I was able to provide for him at that time... And when I made this decision... I made a promise to myself that I would take EVERY OPPORTUNITY that was available to me so as to not let this happen in vain.... I am now 38, married, I am a nurse, I am in the military, AND I have a daughter that I CAN take care of...She is my everything... I still wonder about my son sometimes.... I wonder if he is happy, I wonder what he is like, I wonder everything about him.... and I do this NOT because I regret my decision...because I do not... I wonder about him and worry somethimes about his happiness becasue I am his mother...... So, when you make your decision think it all through.. know that whatever decision you make will be difficult... having a baby you may not be fully prepared for or adoption.... You have to be true to youself AND you baby when you make this decision... and know that whatever you decide is the CORRECT decision and one that only YOU can make. You have a lot in front of you... before you make your decision you should speak with the department of childrens services to see what assistance is available and if it is enough to help you bridge the gap between where you are and what you want for yourself and your daughter.... You do not say if you have any education or skill that allows you to financially support you child without any financial help... but money is not the ONLY thing that is required to raise a child... and you need to be reasonably sure that all other needs are met.... There are many a poor family out there that are happy and many a rich family out there that are miserable...So,dont let money be the deciding factor in this for you.... Check many different adoption agencies.... there is AGAPE. (a christian based agency) and as well the department of children and families can help you with information about adoption... and many many many other agencies out there religious based and non religion based agencies..... Do your homework and follow your heart! Take care!

Natasha P

From the perspective of an adopted daughter:
I myself am adopted. My mum was an Irish Catholic unmarried mother, which at the time meant to have me adopted or be ostracized by her family and go it alone.

I always know that it was the most unselfish thing she could ever choose to do, to give me up and entrust me to a family who could offer more than she felt she was able to at the time. You are not at all being selfish - you are being a fantastic mother to your daughter by thinking of her needs more than your own.

From the prospective of the mother of a daughter:
Having said that, I would really encourage you to keep your daughter if at all possible - though obviously I don't know your situation.

I think that if you are not 100% sure that this is what you want to do, you could end up regretting it and it's not reversible.

Whilst she has many needs, more than anything else she needs a mum who truly loves her - and you clearly do. You say you don't have the support of your partner and his family, but are there other people who could support you? Do you have any family yourself, or close friends? If not you could try going to a church or perhaps asking the doctor if there are support networks available for people in your situation.

I love my daughter to bits. She is by far the best thing ever to happen to me, and it would be such a shame for you to be robbed of this opportunity due to lack of support.

I really hope things work out for you - and whatever happens, don't be bullied, manipulated, guilt-tripped or isolated into doing anything other than what you feel is right.

God bless you. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy and beyond.

ladybmw1218

From your past posts, I have to wonder if you aren't caving in to pressure from your boyfriend rather than coming to your own realizations regarding this. Forget him and his family for a minute, what about you and your family? Are your parents supportive and willing to help you?

Since you are considering adoption, start a list of criteria: what exactly do you want in a parent for your baby? Include non-material things like values, attitudes on education, spirituality/religion, discipline, life philosophies, personality traits, passions and hobbies; because in the end these are more important than "things". How much of that can you provide? If the list still favors adoption, be adamant that the couple you choose meets all of the criteria. There are many hopeful adoptive parents out there, you shouldn't have to settle.

Kerri

I was put up for adoption as an infant. My father left my mother when she was 6 months pregnant. I think it was an easier decision for her to make because she had a positive experience with adoption prior to my birth - as she was adopted. But it still was probably the hardest decision she made in her life. I remember when we met years ago, she told me she had a good friend she counted on who helped her through everything.
So I recommend finding someone you can count on to be a good friend to you through out this process - and throughout your life. (30 years later my birthmom and the friend she had when I was born are still friends). And I also recommend that you seek out adopted children and birthmothers - whether they have reunited with their relatives or not doesn't matter - it will help give you perspective on the adoption experience as a whole and might help you make your decision.

Lilshorty69

I am 22 yrs' old and i am 40 weeks pregnant.The father isn't in my life.In the beginning i was going to go ahead with adoption. but as time went by i started having motherly instincts and i am really excited.All i can say is wait for the baby to be born then listen to your heart on what you want to do...........i have come to terms with not having the father there.And i will do whatever it takes to make sure my baby is well provided.

lahdh4

There are a number of agencies, not just private resources that let you look over profiles of prospective adoption parents. YOU get to choose you like and YOU get to talk to them and ask them questions just like they will have the chance to talk to you. YOU can ask and take as long as you want.
If you choose to go this route it may be a long road ahead. I won't lie to you and say that you are a wonderful person and all that.
You can look and set up the agreement and discuss everything with the paps.

Pamela A

I am not going to offer you great advice but I want to say you are a good child of God because you have not resorted to abortion like so many other young women who panic when they get pregnant and do the wrong thing, so pray for guidance from 'The Giver of life' so you may make the right decision for that wonderful baby that is growing within you.God bless you.

iwill

know that this is a decision that you will deal with for the rest of your life. i gave a daughter up for adoption at birth. i had it all planned out, i even hand picked her mommy who i got very close too. i felt a huge releif once it was set in motion. then i had to hand her over. i stayed in bed and cried for weeks. if i hadnt had a 1 1/2 year old son i would have killed myself just to make the pain stop. i still cry after all this time. i get pictures and updates but have never heard her voice which is harder than i could imagine. no one told me that it would hurt forever . they just told me how strong i was. and i hate her adoptive mom out of jelousy, because i was told i could see her when she was a teen. now its when she is 18, 19 or 21.

kitty a

i feel the same way. im 22 and 27 weeks preg and i feel like my partners family dispises me and my baby and i have even looked up adoption agencys and looking at families but i know my partner and mom would disown me i know this doesnt help i just wanted you to know that your not alone.

emnari

I think the first thing you need to do is contact an agency so that you can be matched with a family ... but if its the right agency they will give you counseling first to make sure this is your best option. I wish you luck ... if you were living near me I'd love to adopt your baby :)

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