Need some advice/opinions with adoption?

twinsmama06

1. I don't think that it matters if your children look like you. There are bio kids that don't look like their mom or dad or either. Before I knew more about adoption - I thought it might be easier for the adoptee if they looked like their parents and it wasn't obvious that they were adopted. That way they can tell who they want. Now that I have adopted and know so many families that have adopted. I really don't think it matters. That is just a personal opinion.

2. The cost is different depending on their choices. Private, Traditional (white, infant) adoption in the US can be anywhere from $15000 - $45000. Can be more if there are medical or legal issues, but that is not the norm. Nontraditional adoption can be much cheaper.

3. My opinion (and that is all it is) is that the best place to adopt is the US. My husband and I wanted to have a semi-open adoption, have some kind of contact with the birth parents and be able to tell our children where they were and why they made the choices they did. (We ended up with a completely open adoption and know the whole family. We were there for all the prenatal doctor's visits, birth and were the ones to first hold the babies. Then we stayed in the hospital with the birth mother and helped care for her. She was in a lot of pain and at the time had no family with her). In the US you also have a better chance of getting medical history from the birth parents and most importantly you know that the baby/ies was not stolen - because the actual birth parents sign off in front of witnesses.

Tell her to call an agency or go online and get educated - domestic vs international, traditional vs non traditional, open - semi-open or closed. Decide what she wants and then get all the dvd's/info from any adoption agency that she feels may be able to do her adoption (price is important and how they take care of their birth mothers, what they do after a disruption - they should put you to the top of the list, if they have a network through out the US to match birth mother's with the couples they are looking for).

Then she just needs to pick an agency, get a home study done, do a profile (to show the birth mother's what your family is about) and then wait. The less specific you are about what you want the longer it will take.

she can email me if she wants.

Rainia W

Questions:
1. Should they look into getting a child of a race that looks like them? (preferably of course) or not? They definately plan on letting the child/children know they are adopted, however, for strangers,etc. It may be easier to look similar-ish?

The look thing is really based on personal preference. I am the same race as my adoptive parents, but I look NOTHING like them. I did look like one of my adopted sisters though. I actually found it easier not to look like my adopted family because then people were less shocked when I did tell them I was adopted, versus when I told them I wasn't blood-related to the one sister I did look like. This would depend on the family though, and how they felt about it.

2. How much does adoption usually end up costing?
Depends on the type of adoption. Private and International adoption is usually in excess of $10 000 dollars. Adoption through foster care or social services is either very minimal (as in lawyer fees and home visit fee) to free to even where the government pays you a monthly stipend for the child until they are 18. This monthly amount is tiny, usually only a few hundred dollars, and usually only for hard to place children.

3. Where is the best country to adopt from? Or anything like that? They are hoping for babies, and maybe a sibset, twins, or toddler, baby. something like that. Are there any risky countries? Anything they should be aware of?

Countries in Central and South America have been known to have some baby brokerage things going on. Other than that all countries are essentially "risky" not because of the adoption process, but because adoption can be risky. Children don't always find it easy to bond, and there are often medical problems involved. I would say over 90% of adopted children (even adopted newborns) experience abandonment issues. All of these things CAN be worked through, but as with challenges that occur with biological children, these difficulties can be heartbreaking, time consuming, expensive and may seem impossible to work through.

Janice B

when i honestly say with race that for my self my child doesn't have to look for me so we told our agency that we would take a child of any race, but along with that they have expectations of you being willing to help your child learn at least a little about their cultural background. again for us that wasn't a problem but if they don't feel good about it or that they want to its OK to ask for a child of the races that they are... they should do what they feel comfortable with

my husband and i are adopting in the us and you can request a child's age we also wanted a younger child for our first and so we said we would accept a child between 0 - 2.

we have finished our payments for our adoption and our total cost is about $1600, we called many agency's and found this one and heard god things about it and that it was less than 2 thousand to adopt and they take it in payments as you go through the process and that was really nice.

i think my advice would be first call around and ask how much adoption is each agency is different then go in and talk to someone there and see how you feel they usually have a free info meeting i attended one and it answered a lot of questions!

hoopy

I was told that I could never become pregnant. So I have looked into the cost. Ranges between 1,500 to 10,000. I do not think anything else matters. I do have a happy 9 month old, like miracle pregnancy, and again pregnant again. Still wondering how 4 different doctors could be SO wrong. But any way. I would try to adopt in the us, it is less costly for the most part. Out of county you have no clue at all really to the child's health. I myself was planning on adopting. I would not have cared what the race was, but of course would have made sure that we made it a part of his or her life. But again I would really try to stay inside of the us for younger children. I have looked up a lot of things, and I am not going to say what I have read and seen about it, but just best to stay here for the younger children. Best wishes for your friend. :)

datdamndude

to be honest it would be better if they were the same race because what child wants to white for instance with black dad and mom they will start to question that

ckm

I've heard it said that matching race helps - but in our circle of friends that have adopted, I haven't seen any indication this is true. It doesn't seem to make much difference from what I can tell. In fact, race differences sometimes help - because they make a silent announcement to other adoptive parents you have also adopted and new friendships are formed. Love for the child by the adoptive parents and family/friends is overwhelmingly color blind.

It's most common these days to tell the child they are adopted from a young age. Of course, if the parents wish to try and keep it a secret, matching race is a must. We opted to tell our adopted daughter and I highly recommend telling.

Our adoption about 7 years ago was about $10K. We adopted locally in the US.

I'm not too knowledgeable about adoption from overseas. I do know that it generally costs much more ($15K-$30K) and you really have to watch for health issues (aids, STD's, TB, etc). I'm not saying you don't want a child with a health problem - you just need to go in knowing what you're signing up for.

Sibling groups are difficult to get. When you do find them they are often classified as "Special Needs" because they are often from really dysfunctional homes. I understand it's easier to get sibling groups from overseas.

My recommendation is to spend a lot of time finding a good adoption agency. This will make all the difference in the world. Ask around the community, church, neighbors. Visit with several agencies and find one that "fits" you. A good agency is even more important when working overseas. Some agencies specialize in overseas adoptions. Again, you can't spend too much time finding a good agency.

A common myth about adopting is that it's the "easy way" to get a child. Not so. Adoption is very emotionally and financially difficult. The end result is of course worth it but it is NOT the easy way.

Ow, my spirit..

tell them to adopt and american baby

Ryan

The fact that they are open to the idea of even adopting outside of their race speaks highly of their character. I am sure they will know the right child when they find it, regardless of the child's skin color. I would tell them not to focus on race. Instead, just choose a child they make a connection with. They will know when it is right.

Boss W

i nwas adopted and can tell you that it is selfless and deep be prepared fpr emotion and anger...truly

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