Oh crap, I told someone I was a foster kid at work today? What do you think are the ramifications?

Heather Leigh

Just pull her aside tomorrow and explain that you are not comfortable sharing your personal info with people and you would appreciate it if she didn't tell others that you were in foster care.

I would think that she will not be blabbing to everyone though. People that have a connection to foster care generally are sensitive to privacy.

They can't fire you because of something that you had no control over. Nd I don't think people will make fun of you. Hopefully at this stage in life, people are not as cruel as kids can be.

kidmindi

If they fire you because of your past you have one heck of a law suit, so I don't think that will happen.

If it was just a casual thing, I doubt the woman will think anything of it, but just pull her aside tomorrow and tell her that you would rather she not mention your past since you aren't comfortable with everyone knowing about it.

DevonChaos

I feel your pain. I worked in a small Catholic school, and I was the unwed tattooed parent. Word spread around about me QUICK even though I was rather mum about my situation. I find its easier to think along the lines of "those who mind won't matter, and those who matter won't mind". People aren't allowed to discriminate on things like this, and for 99% of people, thats enough to silence an otherwise smart mouth.
Good luck, and perhaps you just found a very supportive friend at work!

Lori A

There is an employee at our school that when I told her about my daughter in a conversation she in turn told me she was an adoptee. different than foster care I know, but our relationship actually got better after that. We have more respect and tolerance for one another since that conversation.

cruzgirlz3

Honestly, I would think 'wow. what a remarkable person' and be on my way. I would be really touched and impressed that you are taking your experiences and putting them to use helping other kids. If I said anything to anyone else, it would only be positive, nice things. I can't imagine anyone would fire you, I think they'd be proud to have such a wonderful person as part of their staff.

Nancy B

The woman you told it to obviously does not see any stigma attached. Nor should you. Be proud that you overcame some difficult odds and turned out fine.

She probably wont' tell anyone. But if she does, who cares? If people make fun of you, just shake your head and say something like, "You seem smart about most things, but you are acting pretty stupid about this." Make it their problem, not yours.

Freckle Face

Hi Looney Tunes,

Since she is an adoptive mother hopefully she will understand the whole "stigma" thing and be compassionate enough to not say anything. Its hard but have faith in people until they personally give you reason to doubt them:)

Only pond scum would make fun of or discriminate against someone because they were in foster care as a child!

Keep your head up. Don't reveal it bothers you or has a stigma. People can only make you feel inferior if you let them. Don't let them. You rock and you know it. <------that should be your attitude.

((((((((((((((((LT))))))))))))))))))))...

BLW_KAM

I'm betting people probably will talk about it. I'd like to say they won't, but they probably will.

Now about the stigma, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Given that you're doing something admirable, you probably have a good reputation at work, and you're a responsible grown up, I think this could be great for a subject you're passionate about. It could really help change attitudes about foster children.

"Hey, did you know Looney was a foster kid? No, really? Wow, I thought all foster kids were troubled, but look at her, she's doing great."

The brain

1) School Nurse.....You are out of touch. MOST adults who were foster kids never admit to being in care.....In fact there is a movement among foster alumni to stand up and not be ashamed.

You have alot to learn about kids if you are really a school nurse. It is called SHAME and GUILT which are parts of developmental stages of childhood. Kids in care are overwhelmed with these especially if they were kids in care because of abuse.

Imagine having someone ask you every holiday "Where is your family?" or "Do you have any special family traditions?"....NORMAL conversation that can still hurt an adult who was a foster child.

Sheesh.....Some people are so ignorant.

2) LT
I think that this person probably is sensitive to your situation. Afterall, her daughter came "from the system."
If you are not used to talking about your life, it can be scary, but chances are in this case, you are pretty safe. Espeically if she kept talking about helping with the Toy Drive.

Not everyone is mean and spiteful. And MOST people do not blame you for being in care. MOST people are aware that the parent's are to blame. You may not feel that, but hopeufully someday you will.

Stay cool. And you are doing a cool thing...Giving back when you probably had very little in your life as a kid.

Sophie

I wouldn't think twice about it unless the person told me to NOT say anything to anyone else. Then I would not. But, in the course of regular conversations, especially about your toy drive for foster children, it may slip out... not to harm, but just matter of factly. If you don't want her/him to say anything you should ask her not to.

Being a foster kid is nothing to be ashamed of. Keep that in mind and be proud of who you are.

Rowan

If it was me that you had told, i wouldn't go around spreading that sort of thing. It's nobody else's business and i would feel like i'd be betraying a trust if i told anyone.

I don't think you'll get fired for having been a foster kid, that would be discrimination. If you are worried, go to the woman, and maybe explain that it was a slip of the tongue, that while you are not ashamed of it, you'd rather it not be mentioned, to keep it between you and her.

ETA: oh dear, re read my own post and thought need to reword.i meant, if anyone told me tthey were a foster kid, i wouldnt go telling everyone.

Annabelle

I think it is going to be fine. You shouldnt feel ashamed. They cant fire you b/c of that and why would they? You are obviously a strong person who has overcome adversity. You should be proud of that!

Serenity71

LT-

Why would you be fired having been in foster care? From what you have said it sounds more like she understood why your passionate about helping kids who are going through the system and now you have a helper thats been inspired by your story. (If your really worried talk to her about it, I'm sure she'll respect your privacy.)

Its awesome how your prepared to run a toy drive every year and make difference and show the kids and the foster carers that someone cares and thinks of them.

Crucio

LT I am sure you wouldnâ€™t be fired over this if they tried you could take them to court. If I had been told this I probably wouldnâ€™t have told anyone else just because I would not feel it was my place to tell it. As far as people making fun of you I doubt that would happen but if someone did they should be the one to be fried. This is a workplace not high school lets have some maturity.

cathrl69

To be honest I don't think there are any. If someone I knew was organising fundraising for a particular group or charity (which it sounds like you were doing quite openly), I'd already assume they probably had especially close personal links with it.

If, say, I'd been the person you'd told, the only "ramification" might be that if someone else who we both knew at some point talked to me about foster care, I might suggest they talked to you as well.

She sounds like a nice lady, not at all the sort to gossip about you. If that was going to happen in your workplace, it probably would have already and over stupid little things that people had seen you doing or you'd said, which have nothing to do with being fostered.

opedial

I find this interesting because many of my friends and colleagues have told me they were in foster care and really it was just part of their identity and it didnt' change how I looked at them or elsewise.

I think what you may get is "wow you are such a strong person" but I don't see people judging you for being a child who suffered.

Perhaps it is different in Canada?

Nonetheless, I hope it goes well for you, and people demonstrate their maturity and treat you the same they did before you mentioned it.

allchildrenareangels

I am thinking since she has adopted from foster care she knows to protect your privacy. I doubt she will say anything. If I were you I would tell her tomorrow to please keep it a secret. Tell her you don't really like people knowing it and it just slipped. I am sure if you tell her that she will respect your privacy. I would tell her as soon as possible because, if you don't she might not realize you want it to be a secret.

Love,
Michelle

Neil

??? Why would you get fired?

Lilac (6 weeks to go!)

I know what it is like because I go through it at school everyday, although I know it is different because you are an adult. I should hope that other adults wouldn't make fun of you, but adults can be stupid, too. People assume that if you are a foster kid (or were, in your case) that there is something wrong with you.

I don't know if this lady will keep it quiet or not. If people do start to be stupid to you, I would say something to shoot them down, like "I thought we were adults here. Was I wrong?"

That is my suggestion, but I am just a kid, you know? Hope it helps.

Lillie

Wow school nurse, your level of compassion and caring astounds me

Really.

Matt J

Does it really matter? if she has a problem with it tell her to go **** a goat..

School Nurse

Isn't that a little melodramatic??
Why would anyone FIRE you or make fun of you for having been a foster child???

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