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Ayawi
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Talk to your child. It will be a little awkward for both of you, but it will make your child understand why they were adopted. Also, you will know what that little person that grew inside you has become. It would be good for both of you.
If after the first visit, you two decide to form some sort of relationship, it will just happen naturally.
Don't fret over this too much. No matter how much you try to prepare for this, it probably won't be even close to what you are imagining. |
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campingirl29
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If the baby comes looking for you you must be honest and tell him the truth. tell him that you love him. dont worry if he becomes angry. this is what i would expect. just be there for him when he needs you |
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Mara
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You can either agree to meet her, or choose to keep your identity and whereabouts private. There's only one of two options here. |
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Havanah_A
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you could chose an open adoption to begin with.
or just explain to the child when they find you that you did what you thought was best for them by placing them with a family that could care for them. as I've heard it the birth mother is an angel that gives a baby to a mom who can't have one on her own.
i think it takes a lot of "guts" to give a baby up for adoption. and i comend a mother who can do that! especially if they know it is best for the child. |
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Menasor
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Instead of thinking about your perspective, how about the babies?
The baby is all grown up. They decide to find you.
Put yourself in their position.
Do they want to guilt-trip you? Do they want to kill you? Do they want money?
In all likelyhood they want to know who their biological mommy was. What kind of person? Where did they get their nose from, was mom allergic to peanuts too?
I guess it could be intimidating, but as long as you have a good reason for giving up a son or daughter for adoption you should be happy to unite with them if only briefly - I would be. |
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Abz2007
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Depends how the parents feel and how you feel ...If the parents dont mind and you dont ...you could start a relationship |
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Sweetkat
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Let the child have a good home. If the child ever does come to look for you, you can say you did what you knew was best. Now, in the future, use birth control! |
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little eccy
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React accordingly, |
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emnari
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well the baby won't come to look for you ... but the adult child might ... and just tell them the truth ... no need to sugar coat this ... give the reasons why you put them up for adoption |
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C K Platypus
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You meet with them and have an open and honest talk.
Meeting with them isn't just about you it's about what your child needs as well. If the child has searched you out, you are IMO obligated to have some contact even if it is just a letter. |
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magic pointe shoes
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I don't think this is that complicated. A person has a right to know where they came from. They have a right to know their medical history. They have a right to see a biological connection to their past. You answer the questions, you answer the phone call, you reply to the communication. |
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Still Me
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I doubt this is really an adult asking this question, but for the sake of other readers, I will answer.
With adoption through an agency or attorney, the adoption is either closed or open. If you left it open then the child can contact you through the adoptive parents anytime. If the adoption was closed, then at age 18+, it is possible to have the records unsealed and contact to be made.
You can go to your adoption registry in your state and request no contact or contact at age 18.
What do you do? What you want to do. Meet, or not. But respect that this child may have questions, needs, anger, love, or just curiosity. But the child does have a right to any of these. Be mature -- honor your child and your child's parents. |
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BPD Wife
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Reuniting after adoption is a decision that both parties involved need to make for themselves. If a child looks for a biological parent, or vice versa, both parties need to remember to respect the other's wishes.
Good luck to you. |
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♥ღ.Queenie McCain .ღ♥
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FIRST OF ALL I APPLAUD YOU FOR HAVING THE CHILD,
and not having an abortion. you rock!
well if the child wanted to contact you, it probley wouldn't be for years, i'm sure that if adoptive parents even decide to tell child then it wouldn't be until the child is much older. and then it will also be your choice to agree to see/talk. and if you do, just tell the child the truth. |
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Crucio
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As said you can either decide to have some form of contact with thus birthchild or decided not too. Its more likely that nothing like this would happen in till birthchild is in his or her’ teens and maybe even older. In some places a birth child (or birthparent) cant even start a search till brith child is 18. You probably have quite a few years left to think about what you would do if birthchild decides to try and find you. |
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Penny A (Vanessa)
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Lauren needs a good slap up the side of the head.
Anyway, in answer to your question, if you want to meet your child but find it too confronting, you can allow contact via a mediator. That way, s/he can still find you but it won't be as confronting, and they won't feel rejected.
Ultimately it's your choice, though.
Best wishes, Penny xxx |
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Ghost Writer
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Ok, what is up with these people? They scream at girls for questions on abortion, and now they crucify for placing for adoption as well? Some who actually are saying you should have kept the baby since it is "your fault".....I don't get it. F$%^ing hypocrties!
I just placed my baby 9 days ago. Her parents plan to tell her she is adopted and have a photo of me and her older sister. If you want to meet with your child, tell them the truth why you placed him/her. If my baby came looking for me or her parents called to ask if I wanted to meet her in the years to come, I would tell her the truth. I was going through some rough times and I loved her enough give her to a wonderful couple who could not have children of their own who I knew would love her and give her all that I could not. |
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i,m here if you need to talk.
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i was adoped i,m looking for my birth mother but i feel she dosn,t what to see me you go to the adpotion agance and request not to be contacked if that,s your wish. all i would like to do is see her have a pichure and know the medical back grown if ways the family died in the family tree, so i can becare full i don,t want to bother her jest to meet her once and have a pichure i under stand it will bring back bad stuff and painfull i have my file at the adopion place so if she whats to see me she can if not at less you have the chance to see him or her. but it,s up to you most of all. |
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saylasmommy
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You can choose to keep yourself private when giving a child up for adoption or you can have an open adoption where they know who you are. Its all up to you. if the child came looking for you and found you then you need to act as an adult. It is YOUR Child...But at the same time they will have there own parents as well you will need to respect. |
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Important
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I am adopted myself and I have never had interest in finding my birth mother, 30 years ago she wanted me, but how would she feel now. I have a mom, a dad, a sister, a brother-in-law and a nephew that love me and care about me.
If your child comes looking for you, you need to make the decision as to whether or not you want a relationship with them. Since the child will probably start with the lawyer or agency that you went through you could always contact them and let them know that you do not want to be found. Make sure that you also update them and let them know about any medical history in your family because that could be the main reason as to why the child is looking.
There is always different situations that could cause someone to look for their birth parents. Do you have an open adoption with the adoptive parents? |
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ladybmw1218
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A baby can't go looking for anyone, you will be dealing with either a teen or adult...a person with a name and experiences and thoughts and feelings. "The baby" is somewhat disturbing terminology to use.
Have you placed already? How old is your child? Is this a very distant future hypothetical or what exactly? |
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browneyedgirl623
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If your child comes to look for you, please remember that this child has ,in all likelihood, built up a fantasy about how wonderful you are.
If you don't want a relationship with the child, please be kind. Finding you is likely a dream that he/she has had for a long time, and to have a door slammed in her face would be devastating.
Be prepared for this to possibly happen, and if it does, try to be open and honest. If you decide to let a relationship develop, try to keep it light - you can never be her Mom, but you can be a wonderful friend.
Good luck to you. |
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Angie
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Many might have their opinions on adoption but being a mother i know maternal instinct and the love for your child is a feeling you cannot pretend doesnt exist, that in mind I know giving up a child will never be done without consequences, without the mother breaking their heart and thinking every passing day of that child. So people are wrong to judge you and do not feel put out by some of these comments i have read from other users. I know my partner was adopted and trully grateful that he was, he has had a good life, never wanted for anything and does not blame or hate his birth parent sin anyway.
The child may look for you but wont be allowed to until its 18th birthday. When it does, invite them in with open arms, explain why you felt the child would have a better life and be honest. Part of bringing a child into the world comes with a responsibility. You have chosen it is in the childs best interests to be adopted, but it is also in the childs best interests that you are there and able to explain all the reasons why.
Good luck to you. |
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olliesiv3
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I am adopted and i never want to find my biological parents. I think it is up too you. If you feel you have moved on,want nothing to do with them tell them that. Besides you have what 18 YRS before you really have to find out.. |
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LisaP
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Please have a heart and meet with her. I gave a child up 26 years ago and have just found her after many years of searching she doesn't want anything to do with me and I have had to live with my decision for 26 years. She needs to know you care enough to answer her Questions and she might even show you the love you have always needed. You might even be a gradparent what a great thing that is. Take the chance to at lease meet with her and let it go from there. God bless |
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gnr_tj
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thats a ridiculous question to ask if ur child comes looking for u and finds u. god willing he/she does get family and friends together and party |
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kat
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i also have a daughter,she is 20y/o now. i expect to hear form her soon.i dont know exactley when,i just have a feeling its going to be soon. i,too,freak out about it..i think you know what i mean..do you want to meet your child? e-me if you want. love&light |
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scorpio_queen_2003
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do you want the baby to look for you? if you don't you can put the request in your papers. |
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hot_tamale962
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what the hell are you trying to say? |
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wasian ♥ ♥ ♥
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be an adult ?? ♥ |
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