Okay me and my husband just did are adoption profile but were wondering what are birthmoms looking for when

Heather B

Adoption is about finding a home for a child who needs one and there are plenty of those out there already needing a very stable good country lovin home.

So, I was just wondering why you feel there is a need to market yourself to expectant mothers

ETA: psst! they are not 'birthmothers' - they are expectant mothers until they have actually given birth.

aloha.girl59

What pregnant women who choose to relinquish their children (not "birth mothers" -- they haven't given birth yet!) are looking for is HONESTY. Fill out your forms HONESTLY. If you aren't rich, don't say that you have a summer home in France and a pool and a stable full of ponies.

jaime

you sound like what i was looking foe when i gave my son up. i wanted a middle call family, not rich, i wanted a stay at home mom and i wanted more than anything to see the love they had for him. i waited 9 months before i made it official so that i could see he was happy. not all moms could handle that but i had to be sure. i met alot of foster moms who were looking to adopt but when i met this lady i had a perfect feeling. i wanted him to be involved in sports , not spoiled and happy. 11 years later i hear tidbits and he is doing well, perfect really. i never could have done that at 16 i was such a screw up. ive never regreted it. ive never seen him although they let my mom and dad see him as "family friends". dont worry about being rich. just treat the mother well. to me you sound perfect, it may be faster and cheaper to foster and then adopt, though. good luck

tish

although i'm not a huge fan of "pre-birth matching" nor newborn adoption, i think if more potential aparents were simply "honest" and demonstrated "integrity" we wouldn't have so many young women regretting adoption decisions.

when i was considering placing my son (a few years before open adoption and meeting paps was common) i would have liked to not hear so much about this woman's infertility, and desire to be a mom. i felt like what i needed was support and counseling...not to feel as if it was my "duty" to bred for her.

i think most pregnant women considering adoption (they are not birthmothers until relinquishment) want honesty and integrity. most want to make sure that if an open adoption is agreed upon, that the aparents will not cut her out. many young woman placing their kids are scared and uncertain and don't want to feel the least bit of pressure to place. in other words, let her know that you realize the child is HERS and that if she wants to place with you, it's because the placements meets HER needs first, not your.

in my experience, far too many potential adoptive parents (paps) say and do anything to get the kid...and then switch up once the papers are signed.

just be honest. don't refer to her as a "birthmother"; and make the decision to adopt about the "baby" not about your issues that brought you to adoption.

ps. most aparents aren't the "richest" people.

chelsea s

I believe every woman and girl are going to have different standards. I'm sure you will meet someone's. But, just in case it helps out in some way, here are what my two biggest deciding factors were:

I wanted to know that my son's future adoptive parents would have the same ideals, the same perspectives on parenting, and the same amount of love that I would instill in my own child. I didn't care about their house or their wealth, I cared about how they planned to parent, and whether they were in agreement about it.

Another big factor in my decision was how much they cared about me. The adoptive parents I chose cared very much about how I felt, and did everything in their power to show it. They still do, and my son is almost 15 months. You have to put yourself in this woman's shoes, and be understanding and open with her.

ETA--I like Tish's answer.

Ghost Writer Rides Again

First off, a woman looking into an adoption plan is not a birthmother, she is an EXPECTANT mother. And she will always be the mother to her child. You would simply be the mommy.

Are you open to the consideration of face to face visits between the child and their mother, or pics and letters? Could you keep a promise you made to the child's mother? What about the child's father? If he stepped forward and wanted the child back, would you step back and allow him to raise his child?

If you cannot answer "Yes" to any of these questions: DO NOT ADOPT.

Independ"ant"

I agree with Tish.

Most a-parents are far from rich, many live pay check to pay check and have little savings. Many even have to get loans to be able to adopt. When I refer to an Pap adopting internationally and say they are rich its because they are able to make more than $3 a day to support their family. It just makes them richer than the woman they are taking the child from.

Punk Bunny

You need to be yourself. Im not going to tell you what my sons APs told me because I dont want you saying something you dont mean. I am just going to say PLEASE dont say all the right things then blow off the birth mom after you get her baby. It is the most horrible feeling in the world.

The Sh*t

I think most mothers who care enough about their babies to try and find them better homes than they can provide are looking for love. They want to know that the adoptive parents are going to love their child as if it were their own biological baby.

Every potential birth mother is looking for something different and they may not even know what that is until they see it. You have to be very honest and just portray yourselves as you are. You want to make the best match possible so you have to be real.

Angela B

It a scary time because you want to be perfect and say and do the right thing. My husband and I just put ourselves out there and were totally honest with the birthparnets. Both mother and father highly involved in choosing and still involved now. We were honest even though we thought they might not like the answer. Like can we name the child. I said we would think of it but we had chose the perfect name said what it was and they loved it too and felt like it was a great name for him also. We were truthful in the amount of contact we would feel comfortable with and they agreed and we have know become more comfortable and more open. Just be yourselves and you will be choosen. Good luck I know the waiting is a hard time.

AdoreHim

When my husband and I adopted our 2 children, 19 and 16 years ago, their birth moms would not have selected us, if they wanted a family that was rich, because we were far from it. Both birth moms said that they selected us because they saw that we loved each other, and that we had a stable home. Also our son's birth mom selected us specifically because we were Christians. Money is not necessarily the thing that attracts a birth mom to a couple.

Elizabeth Sunset

"our"

Athalia

Don't worry about not having a lot of money, or about being perfect. Just try to portray who you really are. Women who place their children who adoption are all very different, just as adoptive couples are. She may have grown up on a farm and wants that for her child. One birthmother I know of made the final choice an the adoptive couple because she was drawn by the adoptive mom's smile. Another birthmom chose the couple (not solely but) because they had a picture of them playing with Playdoh in their profile and she thought they looked like fun loving people. A friend of mine who placed her baby chose the first couple she heard about, because they were the religious denomination she wanted her child to be raised in and she liked what they wrote in their letter. Another birthmom may want no religious affiliation. There is no "right" person to be, everyone is different on both sides of the child's life. Good luck!

mommy2squee

The pregnant woman looking at your profile is NOT a birthmother. She is a mother considering adoption for her child. She won't BE a birthmother, unless she chooses, after her child is born, to place him for adoption.

When my son's mother was looking at families, the first thing she looked for was education. She wanted a family that was capable of writing a profile using good English, and spelling and punctuation counted. She was looking for a family with values similar to hers, and for a family with interests that coincided with hers.

She was hoping for a family who would allow her to remain a part of her son's life, and one that shared her religion (or at least was not incompatible with it). She rejected a number of families based on employment (2 surgeons = raised by a nanny), religion, refusal to release identifying information. She rejected all the "cutsie" profiles out of hand. She had many meetings where upon meeting them, her gut feeling was that they "just weren't right" for her son. Oh.. and she wanted a family with pets... specifically a dog and one or more cats.

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