Open adoption or closed?

Heather B

If it's about the best interests of the adopted child then closed adoption would never be an option

Ellie N

I was adopted in a closed adoption.....and would suggest that if anyone were to put their child up for adoption they should do it openly.
not only is it better for the child ...but it is also better for the birth mother.
also if you put ur child up for a closed adoption it is more likely to have a lot of emotional problems....i know from experience!
it is so not cool for people to be this evil to children.....they need to know who there mom is and were they came from and that they weren't a mistake!
im 19 now and cant seem to find anything related to my biological parents .....and it hurts me so much .....because i know i will never know my history....it feels like there is a huge part of me missing and i will never gain it back.

hope this helps you.

Emma's Momma

My sister placed a child in an open adoption. She is 32, has a 12 year old, 10 year old placed in adoption and now a 5 year old, all boys. 12 & 5 year old with her, 10 year old with other family. i don't know why she chose open, but the whole family keeps in touch with the boys family and we get together at least once a year. He knows he's adopted and that he has other brothers and now that he's a bit older, the kids spend a lot of time together. it's nice because my sister was able to explain to him why she made her choice and he doesn't question anything or feel misplaced (like some adoptees do) He is doing great, he is with a wonderful family that is able to take him to travel the world and do a lot of things that my sister could not provide for him.

snowwillow20

I was in that position and they were all closed back in 1972. It was the era of secrets and lies. No one had ever heard of open adoptions, you had the baby and they took it and that was it. You were told to forget and go on with your life, of course that was impossible to do, so you quietly went insane and hoped someday you might meet your child again.

Philippa

I was coerced so wasn't given a choice and my son's adoption was closed. I wanted to raise my son.

sizesmith

I would enter into an open adoption only. When I was 22, I had considerd placing my son for adoption, as my husband had left, and I was going through a lot of difficulty. At the time, I thought that if I did place him, I wanted him far away, where I wouldn't have to be reminded, and into a closed adoption. I wanted to forget the entire pregnancy happened.

As it turned out, with help from family, I got back on my feet, became a wonderful parent, raised my son, and now I've adopted another. Lookig back, closed adoption would have been so bad, because it's like putting a brick wall up in a house without a door. You can never go through it. If you leave the door in the wall, and go into open adoption, there's a good chance one day you will go through it, and hopefully, the reception is good.

Our son's first mom chooses not to visit since she's had another child, however, our door will never be closed to her.

justjan

I'd opt for open: I'd want photos and a yearly update of how the kid is going. I don't think it's fair to get too involved in the early years, but I'd want the kid and adoptive parents to know that contact would be lovely when they're old enough to make that decision.

I watched the agony and lack of closure my sister went through with a closed adoption. It took 20 years and meeting her son before she healed emotionally.

I admired her strength, but I couldn't do that myself.

Freckle Face

open---I could not imagine not knowing if my child were alive or not, healthy or not, and happy or not. The not knowing would drive me insane.

Ms. AK

Open - hands down. I had to place my son for adoption. it was supposed to be completely open but the adoptive parents changed their mind and it was closed for a good year before they started to slowly make contact with me again. that year was pure hell for me. I hate that I had to give him up in the first place but not beig able to have contact with him was far worse.

kitta

The first statement you might want to make is that the majority of people, the public in general, believe that they will never be put in this situation.

This is especially true for people who are using birth control and being careful in their relationships(but birth control fails more often than most people realize and so do relationships).

No one thinks of surrendering their child for others to raise: it is unthinkable.

Many mothers who have surrendered children have commented that they kept thinking that somehow, some way, someone would help them.

It is so hard to believe that our own families wouldn't accept us and their grandchildren. And that the fathers of our children were so uncaring as to reject their own children.

There really isn't always "a reason for doing it." In my case, I was forced by the abandonment of my child's father, and the engineering of my own parents.A corrupt agency offered me temporary help and then threatened me with a court termination of parental rights.

Parents who are forced into adoption should at least be allowed to have an open adoption, for the sake of both parent and child.Right now, open adoption isn't even enforceable by law.

Sometimes adoption is just the "only option left."

Damocles

I adopted a child about a year ago, and I am very sad that it is a closed adoption (the birth parent's choice - which I respect).

When I first started looking into adoption, I wanted a closed adoption. Then I started reading about open vs. closed, and the more I read, the more I realized that an open adoption is most beneficial for the birth parents, the adoptive parents, and (most importantly) the adoptee. Now, I'm not saying it isn't difficult at times, but it is worth any difficulties.

Adoptees tend to fill in blanks with worst case scenarios. You know, "I was placed for adoption because they didn't want me" or "I must have been placed because I was a bad person", etc. If the adoptee has access to the birth parents, if they can ask them, "why was I placed", then they can know the truth. The truth, even when it is ugly, is far less ugly than the worst case scenarios we can imagine.

In an open adoption, the birth parents have a role that is much more like that of an aunt, but that favorite aunt.

Knowing what I now know, if I had to place a child for adoption, I would want it to be an open adoption. Sure, it would be hard for me, but I'm a parent now, and my decision needs to be what is best for the child.

Sad to say, most adoptions are done for financial reasons. The birth parents simply aren't in a position to be able to afford to care for and provide for a (or another) child. The stereotype is a teen girl, but the reality is, most teen mothers keep their baby. They have not lived on their own, paid their own bills, etc. They don't have a realistic view of how difficult it will be.

tabbi71479

We are fixing to adopt we pick up the children on Friday, thier aunt has raised them and we are all for the open adoption. I am going to make sure that we never loose any contact with thier aunt, this way the children know thier background and understand why they was adopted.

Emily

Closed, as much as I would love to see the baby, it's not my child anymore and it'll possibly make me regret my decision, which isn't healthy.

I'd want to be notified if the child passes away or is very ill, because who knows, I might have an exact match kidney for the kid and I don't know about others, but I would help in a heart beat :)

grapesgum

I would never be in a position where I would have to give one of my children away.

Melven M

I'm skeptical about open adoption.

I've seen enough married couples who disagree on how children should be raised. And divorced couples who compete with each other over the child's affections. Open adoption is adding a third player to the game.

My wife and I thought about it, but my mind kept playing these nightmare scenarios about the birth mother undoing any semblance of discipline in the child every weekend, the child telling us they don't have to obey us because we aren't his/her "real parents".

Reina021

My reason would because I would not be able to take care of him/her/them. I would do an open adoption because I would love them as my child anyway and would still love to see them frequently and watch them grow and develope a relationship with them where they can still know me as their mother, It would be like having 3 parents.

paduch26

I would do a closed adoption, if it was based on me as a career choice. However, its hard to say really isnt it?

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