Open adoption... question?

cmc

we posted our profile on www.parentprofiles.com when we were trying to adopt (3 yrs ago) and that is how our daughter's mom found us. There are a lot of profiles but I'm not a huge fan of the site because they have some rules I don't agree with (only married couples, no singles etc). However it is a decent place to start looking, and they have couples from all over the country. Also many agencies post their "waiting families". Our agency was in san francisco (adoptionconnection.org).

If you do decide to contact a couple or an agency don't let them pressure you. It is a really tough decision and you need to take your time to make it. Also all the final decisions should be made after the birth and until you sign the relinquishment you can change your mind. It is really your decision to make. There are some high pressure people out that that will try to coerce you into making a decision, but there are also some very good people working in adoption (from my experience) who want you to make the right decision. The way our agency put it is that it is in everyone's interest to make sure it is the right decision for the natural mom, since otherwise the adoption may fall through. However i know some people that advised us to "do whatever we could to convince a mom to place her child with us" (not from our agency). This is definitely not what we did, but some people think like this so be careful.

All the best to you, whatever you decide.

jump!

You sound as if your in a real mess, i think you need to talk to someone about your situation, something no one answering your question now knows about, so it's dificult to advise, adoption may seen like the answer now but it's a permanent choice and something you may regret, your mid wife may be able help or advise on someone to talk to.

Brenna

first of all I am sending a big *hug* I personally placed a child for adoption, I went through a local agency , I was able to go through some files and read about the people, we did not meet and I didnt have pictures of them. but I was able to pick from reading profiles, I was able to call the agency at any time during his growing up ask how he was doing, they would contact the parents and I recieved an update. It is a hard desicion but an extremely loving one. it worked out great for me but contact you local social service for information on the local branch that does adoptions, good luck!

BLW_KAM

The agency we used 10 years ago stands firm in their commitment to open adoptions. They also have a very extensive approval process. Here's a link to their approved potential parents: http://www.cradle.org/adoption/search.php

As others have mentioned, open adoptions aren't legally enforceable. The APs are honor-bound to keep the adoption open, but not all do.

You might consider looking for an agency in your area that has the following qualifications:

are non-profit
are non-denominational
are COA (Council on Accreditation) certified
are Hague certified
are a member of the Child Welfare League
have extensive approval processes for potential parents

Let your fingers start to Google and see if you can find feedback on them. Talk to friends, neighbors, local Facebook groups or anywhere else you can think of to learn how they treat expectant women or women who have relinquished.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

DevonChaos

Hard times come and go. Adoption is forever. This baby needs his/her mother. You should really talk to someone at a state agency about getting some help. That way your little family can stay together.

Open adoptions are not enforceable. They use this to coerce women into thinking that they will have contact with their babies, but then the A-parents can pull out at any time without telling you. Pre-birth matching is also another tactic adoption agencies use to coerce babies from mothers. They'll tell you how much the couple wants a baby, YOUR baby, then if you change your mind, they'll tell you how much you've hurt them.

Please think very hard. Times change. Money comes and goes. Relationships end and begin again. Giving up this baby means you'll never know for sure where they are, how they are doing, who is taking care of them. YOU are what this baby needs. You can give them something that no one else can give.

Chris

honestly you should keep your baby... but if you have to do it, go through a local place. online is NOT the safest place to do that. because of hackers and weird people that could do harm to your baby.

Birthers are NOT mothers

Keep your kid. You made it, you find a way to fulfill your obligation to it.

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