Other choices for backed out adoption?

tattooedgemini

they should find a baby that has already been given up or taken away from an unfit mother. preferably one that has not been permanently damaged by some selfish womans drug abuse. keeping the baby is a good thing. maybe she will have to grow up or at least have to deal with the struggles that come from trying to raise a child that does not function properly because of what she's done to it.

Randy B

This mother was well within her rights to keep her baby if she wants. She should be encouraged to keep the baby, not insulted for exercising her rights. People have the ability to change and each case should be judged on it's own merits. If social services wish to step in again that is their business but your friends have no "rights" in this matter and have no recourse.

Attitudes like yours annoy even someone such as myself who have a generally favorable view on adoption. You should consider yourself lucky that only one other here has cursed you out because I can guarantee you that just about every other person who answered you has at least done the same thing in their minds. Next time you want to talk about a "dumb waste of breath", try looking at your own post.

sunny

Tell your mom's friend that she is lucky.

The "dumb, waste of breath on earth birth mom" would probably produce a child just like her. So this is not "depressing" at all!

And as far as the nursery being painted, and buying the cradle goes--remind your mom's pal that it's not good to count your chickens (or in this case children) before they've hatched.

Guess she'll have to find another druggie to make a baby for her.

Rowan

More then likely, your friends knew the risk going in, that the mom could change her mind at any time. This is why i dislike pre birth matching.

just the fact you call a woman "dumb, waste of breath on earth birth mom" pisses me off.

First, shes not a birth mother, she has decided to keep her child, ad maybe she'll get her act together. Having yuor children taken from you can do wonders to open a womans eyes.

Its people like you, who put people like her down, make me sick!!

And i'm supportive of adoption in cases like this! you've managed to offend me!

BM can also stand for bowel movement.

I could say alot more, but i'm not going to tire my fingers anymore.

DevonChaos

The mother decided to keep her child. I see no problem. The state is aware of her issues, and if she decides that she should keep it, and the state is willing to help her, GOOD FOR HER. She SHOULD keep HER baby. "BM" isn't a good choice for a label for this woman, btw.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

she didn't "back out"! she chose to parent her kid! and it's seriously NONE of your business!

jasz .

I think people need to lighten up on the birth mother i feel for her i can only imagine the kind of life she has had having turned to drugs it sounds like its a difficult situation for all people involved how do you think she felt knowing she would have to give up her child if a birth mother changes her mind don't be so quick to show your true colors calling her this and that how about people stop being picky everybody wants to adopt a baby what about the 5 year olds the 15 year olds no one thinks about the older kids that need a family and a homey'alll just want a baby what kinda ***** is that andy'alll got the nerve to talk bad about others wheny'alll wanna pick and choose like its some kinda game to the kids who have spent the last 10 years in foster care its not a game to them and they cant pick and choose who they get so why shouldy'alll

Gaia Raain

Oh my. Aren't we the entitled ones. Damn that woman for trying again! Damn her for standing up and taking care of her OWN child! Damn her for NOT being a "birth" mother (which can only happen after the birth has taken place, mind you)! Damn her for falling in love with the child she has carried in her body for months! Damn her for having a natural bond with her child! Damn her for not recognizing that she's nothing but a dirty crack ho who doesn't deserve her own flesh and blood!

I hope she is able to pull herself together. One day, ALL her children will need her - not just this one. And who the hell are you to say whether or not another human being deserves to know and love her own flesh and blood?

Oh, and P.S. BM stands for bowel movement, which is one of the many reasons why the term "birth mother" is so offensive. If you ever care to get educated about appropriate terms to use when referring to the mother of an adopted child, feel free to ask.

P.P.S. Their other choices are to stop being so entitled, quit thinking they have a right to someone else's child, develop some compassion, and help kids who truly NEED their help - as in, kids who already don't have parents. I'd hesitate to recommend that they foster, or adopt kids through foster care, because those kids really need emotionally stable people to care for them, and your mom's friend doesn't fit the bill. But Big Brothers/ Big Sisters, or other mentoring programs might be a good place to start, to get their kid fix in an appropriate setting where they might be able to learn some compassion as well. Oh, and therapy to deal with their losses. VERY important.

Angela R

Until the child is born, the mother can not consent to the adoption, and has every right to choose to raise the child- she is also not a birth-mother if she didn't place her child for adoption. This is the problem with pre-birth matches (pregnant woman agreeing to place their child with a couple before she gives birth)- the adoptive parents told by the agency that they need to financially support the expectant mother inorder to provide for "their" baby, and the e-mother is often rushed into commiting to an adoption plan and choose a couple before she has had a change to really consider if this is the right thing for her to do.

My best advise for this couple would be to adopt a baby or child who has already been born, who's mother has given birth, and still thinks that adoption is the right choice. They could do this through fostercare, through international adoption (pre-birth matches are not allowed in int. adoption), or they could go through an agency, but state that they will only accept a "match" with a baby who has already been born, and whose mother is ready to sign the adoption papers. This way they will not be expected to pay up-front fees for an adoption that may never happen, and will know that they did not influence the decision of an expectant mother.

Also, you may not be aware, but BM is an abbreviation for bowel movement (poop), and a lot of people will take offense to this. And as for "dumb, waste of breath on earth birth mom", well, that's just being mean!

Felicita1

"My moms friend and her husband had already paid for an adoption through their lawyer, etc. "

In other words, they believe they have paid for a baby. This to me sounds like child trafficking. They paid for goods that may not be delivered to them.

Did you know that women cannot surrender their children before that child is born, and that ethically NO woman should be put into any position of making a decision to surrender before she has recovered from birth?

People can change. And this woman is a mother, not a "birth mother." She is not a former mother or a mother for reproductive purposes only.

Your friends are at fault in this, for trying to take advantage of a woman who as of yet is is NO position to make any decision such as this. Why don't they back off and quit trying to hook up with vulnerable pregnant women?

Dan B.

gosh how DOES your moms freind get through life without your advice? maybe you should let her handel her own affairs and go watch High school musical again.

JuStRaCh

well, i am assuming that the mom has not turned her life around? just because she has failed before does not mean that she cannot get her life together & be a good mom. i think that cps would not let her have a baby if she was a risk to it....is this right? plus, this is all apart of the adoption process, it's hard, but the birth mom has this right. that's just how it is.

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

In one hand, this is what can happen. the Natural mom has the right to back out. That is how it goes. Her baby.

On the other hand, if she has had three children removed from her care and parental rights were terminated, she never corrected the conditions which led to the removal of those children.....chances are CPS will REMOVE the new baby unless she is living in another state and "flying under the radar" or in other words, she is staying out of trouble.

Wish I had words of encouragement but all in all when dealing with people with emotions and free-will....this can happen.....too bad.

ncstudent05

Does CPS know she is keeping the child? I believe there are regulations and/or agreements made with her about keeping the child. I would get CPS involved again if possible.

susan h

If the BM had all her other children taken away, CPS probably could do the same with the next one. I was a foster parent and CPS was following(monitoring her case) a pregnant woman who had her newborn taken away once the tox reports came back positive. I adopted him 4 years later.

karcnr

I am not sure about this, but I have heard that if a baby tests positive for drugs at birth, then they are put into foster care or if an adoption plan has been discussed, they go with the adoptive family. The BM can't take the baby home if the baby tests positive. You might want to check into that, have the baby tested at birth or something and talk with Child Welfare or Social Services and see if you can 'foster' the baby till parental rights have been terminated and you can legally adopt.

Christina

Unfortunately there's nothing they can do, it's a situation that happens pretty often. It's one of the things that makes adopting so stressful. As a matter of fact, the birth mom has a certain amount of time to take the baby back even after the adoptive family has taken the baby. I know someone who this has happened to twice, they finally got a child but it was emotionally damaging for them.

ETA: Linny G, 'try harder to have her own'? I'm sure if that were possible she would. How obnoxious.

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