Parents are pushing me into adoption?

cantstopLinnyG

Honey, NO ONE- not the baby's father, not the baby's grandparents, NO ONE can legally force you into surrendering your baby, no matter if you are 13, 18, or 28. Its illegal.

Plenty of young mothers are fantastic mothers. A baby wants NOTHING more but to be loved and raised by his or her mother.

As an adoptee, I hope you will look at the links Ive posted below.There are resources listed to help you and YOUR baby.

Please read the facts about adoption and how it will more than likely affect YOUR BABY and YOU. Then, print them out and give them to your parents. Let your Mom and dad know that adoption does NOT guarantee a better life, only a different one.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
http://www.amfor.net/acs
http://www.origins-usa.org
http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/

http://www.youtube.com/user/adoptedthemovie

Books:
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND
Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton
The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton
The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner
Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky

nikki!! (ex-anti jonas)

do what you want or else you'll really regret it

keep the child, think about all the memories you'd miss if you gave it up

it's your desicion not their's and i'm sure they'll bond with him/her aswell

â™¥Faiths Mumâ™¥

If you are going to be 18 then there is very little your parents can make you do.

If you and your boyfriend believe you can support this baby then keep it. It sounds as though you have got your head screwed on, you have accepted responsibility for this baby and you seem to have planned how you will handle things financially.

It is natural for parents and friends to be dismissive, mainly because of your age. It is up to you to prove them wrong, good luck.

Possum

Parent your baby.
Make sure you read this -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

AND - don't let anyone sway you from you way.

What's best for you and baby - is to stay together.
It's a whole heap of head-mess to be given away to a family of strangers. I know - I've lived adopted for almost 39yrs.
You can do whatever you put your mind to - and being a great mother is absolutely possible.
Go and prove your parents wrong.

I wish you all well.

Empress Eternal

sorry to hear about your situation. sounds very stressful an painful. Try to talk with a counselor asap. you will be 18 whe the child is born, so it's your choice if you would like to keep him. don't let your parents make the choice for you. think what would you regret the most. this is your child's life and you are the mother. best of luck

GUIDO

Well, by the sounds of it, your parents arent the best parents either! You are the one who got pregnant and you are going to be the one to have to decide what to do now. It is nobody's decision but your own! Trust me, coming from someone who had her first at 16, you can do it! It is very very difficult and is certainly something you cannot even imagine at the moment, but you can do it! And your friend is correct, you wont see as much of your friends anymore. However, there comes a time in everyones life when that happens...or should happen. We all grow up, you are just doing it sooner than others do. What you gain from being a mother with outweigh the fun you could have with your friends anyday!

Jennifer L

Sounds like you've got a plan, a direction and your ducks in a row. Good for you!

As to your parents, I would recommend gently but firmly telling them you are not interested in adoption and every time they bring it up, walk away. This is your decision to make, not theirs. I think some parents have a hard time separating that.

Best of luck to you as a parent and in college.

ETA: In response to another poster, I can say what I experienced as a teen mother. It wasn't easy, but we got married, made it through school and are both professionals. And still married (even though we tied the knot before we could legally drink a glass of champagne at our wedding).

It can be done. Stay focused. Stay determined.

DevonChaos

You need to do what you want to do. This baby is yours, and this baby needs YOU. I am glad that you want to keep him/her. I'm glad that you are ready financially and emotionally. It is hard, but it can be done.

Your family needs to understand that this is your decision, and your life. There is no reason for this baby to live with anyone other than you. Adoption shouldn't be an option for you. You don't really want it, and your family doesn't have to live with your choice. You do.

Congratulations on your new addition.

Jay J

They're just in a rage right now, do what your gut tells you. Raising a family is not easy, and going to school with a baby is even more difficult. But if you and your boyfriend are willing to work together, and you two are both determined on giving your baby a good life, everything can work out. Just remember not to lose sight in what you want, and make sure your boyfriend is worthy and will really stay beside you through everything.
Congratulations on the upcoming marrage & the little one too.
Once the child is born and you prove to your parents that you can do everything you say, they will be happy for you and will love the baby.

Bodhi

I'm sorry that you're being pushed to make a decision that you aren't comfortable with. That's a difficult situation for anyone to be in - multiply that by a zillion when it comes to the matter of your child.

Regardless of what motivations your parents have, the simple fact is that the baby is yours, and therefore this is your decision and your responsibility. I only have what you've written to go on, but it sounds like you've given some thought to both the decision and responsibility. I'd encourage you to continue to do so; there is a lot to consider and the more you can show your folks that you've thought of and prepared for, hopefully the more they'll back off.

Best of luck to you.

23 year old texas female married

I am proud of you. I bought my house when I was 20! You seem to know a good deal about budgeting and saving. You know what you want and have great man that will stick by your side. I congratulate you having your life more put together than most people.

If you will be 18 before you have the baby then your parents can't say a word to you. You will be a legal adult. You sound so smart and educated. Keep your baby, love it, and take great care of it. And if you need assistance along the way then by god please get it. God Bless you for being strong and Smart!-Allison

purple monkey dishwasher

Please dont listen to the people on here who have obviously never been touched by adoption. My mother gave me up for adoption. She thought it was important for me to have a 2 parent home with a family that had money to provide me with the "things" I needed.

Well, that didnt happen. I was given to a family with a father that abused me. I grew up to have a lot of issues. They stemmed from the abuse and also the fact that I could never really relate to my adoptive family. I always wanted to know where I came from.

Im not saying that adoption is always a bad thing. There are adoptees that are very happy. I just wanted to make sure that you know that having a lot of money is not what a child needs. They need the one they were made for....their mother (YOU!).

I had my first child when I was 19. Things were definitly tough...for a few years. Im not going to sugar coat it. But when I look at my son now Im so glad I didnt choose adoption because things got better! MUCH better. Im not with his father anymore, but I do have a loving husband and we are a happy family. You and all the people around you will love this child no matter if they are mad and dont agree at first. There are so many resources for mothers these days. Its not like the 50s and 60s.

I've been reunited with my birthmother and me and her both have to live with so much pain of being seperated for so long. Whatever you have to do, do it for you and most of all the baby. because adoption is going to effect you all for the rest of your lives. Its not a quick fix for now.

Good luck!

MoMoney23

I say you should keep the baby. You're parents will change their tune once the baby is born. They'll be all in love with their grandchild.
You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. And you are very lucky to have a boyfriend like that. You two will just have to prove your parents wrong. And if you do all that you are saying, you will prove them wrong.
Don't mind what they are saying. They are probably just angry. Hopefully you can forgive them in time. (Besides if you wanted to be a ho with five kids, that's your business... but you won't).
Good luck!

Nicole

People aren`t assuming things about you. They are telling you what we have all experienced. My mom was 18 when she got pregnant with me and my dad took off. I spent my life in a abusive relationship with my step dad who ended up kicking me out when I was 16 because I didn`t fit into their lifestyle after my brother was born. I became the outcast.
Maybe your parents don`t think you are ready for this kind of commitment. And maybe they are right.
If you don`t think they are, than prove it to them. Asking people on here is only going to upset you more.

Davine J

Good Luck, Make sure the decision you make or don't make you will NEVER REGRET IT

You seem to have a plan stick to it, make sure you are always thinking about whats best for the baby, the same way you mom is thinking what might be best of you, which is to have a normal 18 year old life (which to some might seem worst than being a parent). I just dont want you to do like some parents( my mom) who had kids young then are upset that they did have a normal life, and they did not get to enjoy life.

And not because your boyfriend is not the biological father that does not mean he will not stick with you, if he loves you he will learn to love your baby too, i know i am a step mom.

Just be wise, and try to understand where you mom is coming from, she wants the best for you, hopefully soon she will see that being a mom is whats best for you now.

Remember always put your baby first, and finish college it will be one of the best thing you do for you and you baby.

Good luck

cmc

It sounds like you've decided to parent your child. You need to go with your heart and not do something because of parental pressure. Your parents are probably really stressed too, because this isn't how they imagined they would have grandchildren. Hopefully your dad will be more supportive once he has dealt with some of his own issues with the pregnancy. It might be harder to raise your child than you think, but still it seems like the right path given the feelings you have expressed here.

Kelsa

i think that you should do what you think is right. my name is Kelsa i was adopted when i was 2 days old and i am going through some really hards times with that right now. I feel as though you need to think anout what you can handle and what your boyfriend can handle having a baby is a HUDGE deal.. It wont be easy in anyway this baby is going to need love, attention, care, you have to spend a lot of time with him/her every day so that the baby wont feel unloved. I really do wish you the best. I hope you make the right choice.

glasstechlover

first i have a child and it is REALLY REALLY hard not like oh ok i can do this like up every three hrs 200 a week in diapers and wipes and food and anything else he might need he is over 1 now his father left when he was 5 months cause he could not handle going to work and wakeing up every other hr to a colic baby i have a husband now whom loves him just the same babies are not a game and should never be taking this way BUT... this is a choice you will have to make on your own it is never too late EVER if you are set to have this child and keep it then do it no one can tell you anything than what you want anyways they are not you but when you get 5 months in and relized this is too hard (not saying you will) adoption is still there and something you can still do bring this up to your father and mother why not let you try for a little while and see just see if you can do it but remember when the fights start with your boyfriend AND THEY WILL and when you see yourself crying AND YOU WILL remmeber this is your choice at all times good luck sweetheart all the best ALL THING are able to be done with love i know a 16 year old girl that a single mom or 2 and she lives on her own has a car works her *** off still goes to school and does what ever she needs to but is no longer a child OH and when it comes to your friends they are right most WONT hang around anymore cause you cant run out to get lunch cause it has taken you 2 hrs to get your little baby back to sleep and the thought of waking them up to put them in the car seat just to run out for 40 mins makes you sick to think about

~â™¥~JussLikeThat~â™¥~

Maybe the are afraid they will lose their little girl.... They cant really see they pain they caused you.. so they really think their desion is better then yours.. This may not be the answer you were hoping for but im glad i tried to help & its good that you have a loving boyfriend and i wish you the best on your little person and may god bless you & ur little family on any road that you follow....

lkirchy

This is your child, and you get to make the decision of whether or not you want to keep it. If you know you can give it a good life, then keep it, which it seems like you do. I can understand your parents point of view of giving it up for adoption. They want you to continue your life because you are still a child, and this baby will stop your life for a few years. Do what you think is best for you and the baby. Good luck!

mommym00n

Look its your life you are old enough to take care of a baby and if your boyfriend is with you and wants to be with you and the baby you are already luckyer the most. If you don't want to give up your baby don't you will alway want to know where he/she is and how the child is doing you will feel bad for giveing it up. I was 18 when I got married and had my 1st child 8 years and 2 more kids later we are still going strong we both took some college but we didn't continue I wanted to be at home with my kids and he got a really good job so we own some property already and we live in a trailer for the time being until we finish the house. But even if we lived in the trailer forever that does not make you lower then anyone else.you sound smart and you have a great guy so do what is best for you. To Hell with everyone else and yes some of your friend may not be their anymore because you are a family person and not a party girl anymore that did happen to me but my true friend always had my back.

scweetci_87bc

To be perfectly honest - KEEP YOUR BABY! Only -you- can make that decision, especially if you are 18 when the child is born. If your paresnts still want you to adopt when the child is about to be born, keep them out of the hospital. As much as I hate to say it once the word adoption is so much mentioned in the maternity ward things change fast, and your parents won't be the only ones pressuring you.

You seem responcible enough to care for this child, with or without a man (though I wish you luck on your upcoming wedding) and there are plenty of help resources you can get if things get tight. Many people say that a baby costs $10,000 the first year, but honestly a baby can be perfectly happy on $8,000 or even less than that if you buy some things second hand.

You can do this! Keep your baby - he or she is your child.

coleblondehead

You and husband have youth on your side to make it and good will
your parents probably will take a little while to warm up to the idea
the reality that they see is another, and the statistics are also
another, most pregnants teenagers can barelay make it and go to
school, either take care of baby/house/school/husband.
i wish you all the best, and probably things will get rocky for a while
but if youre mature and strong youll make it.

myst1998

What a difficult situation to be in.

Having said that, I would tell your parents point blank you are keeping your child as adoption is not about providing a child for infertile couples and as your baby already has a mother and father, there is NO NEED for adoption.

They might be your parents but they are not doing what is in yours or the child's best interests.

I would suggest getting yourself a copy of Nancy Verrier's "Primal Wound" and Betty Jean Lifton's "Journey of the Adopted Self" and read them and then give them to your parents to read.

There are also websites out there they need to look at:

http://www.exiledmothers.com/index.html
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.originsnsw.com/
http://mystere1998.blogspot.com/

All the best with your pregnancy. and enjoy YOUR baby!

guapagirl02

You seem to be very mature for your age, and at the end of the day, your parents cannot force you to give up your child. I think you really have to think things through, there are many things you simply cannot foresee without actually having lived it. Raising a child is a huge responsibility and it takes a great deal of maturity and selflessness to do so.

You really do seem to have a good grasp on what it will take to raise your child. I think you are making a good decision by staying in school. Many people might say that you need to devote your time to your child and stay home, but going to school and receiving a degree will allow you to sustain a more stable financial future for your child in the long run, so I think that is a really smart move on your part. You also need to be realistic though that marriage at such a young age has a very high divorce rate. Divorce as it is already has a 50% rate, but the younger you are, the more likely you are to be divorced. Just something to keep in the back of your mind. You shouldn't base your financial status on what you and your fiancee are making but a lot also on what YOU make and YOU can provide. I understand that you feel that your boyfriend will not leave you, and you might be right, I hope you're right, but it's also important to keep in mind the reality of life and relationships.

I think that if you really, truly feel that you are capable of raising this child, I say that you should do so. Giving up your child because someone else wants you to do so will end up leaving you with a lifetime full of regret. I suggest that you read up on parenting to prepare yourself more for the challenges that lie ahead. I wish you all the best of luck to you in every aspect of your life.

Philippa

Stick to your guns about this baby as he/she is wanted and your boyfriend is standing by you. By the sound of it you are both being very mature about this so don't let anybody get the better off you. I was forced to surrender by my parents and adoption agency despite the fact that I wanted to parent and I had a well paid secure job so I understand what it's like.

Money isn't everything but two loving parents is and good look to the pair of you.

Not Adopted

Keep your baby, there is no reason to give up a child simply because you're young. It sounds like you a have plan and are ready for this baby, good for you!

ETA: Isn't it amazing how many people are beholden to adoption mythology? They think it's the solution to everything -heck, adoption is so awesome it might even end the war in Iraq! What a bunch of brainwashed saps.

Squirrel_2014

Just ask God for help. He will always answer your prayers.

snowwillow20

It really makes me mad that well meaning people will encourage a woman to give up her baby with no thought as to how this will affect her for the rest of her life or how it will effect the baby either.
I hope an pray that everything works out great for you and that you prove your Dad wrong, he sounds like an idiot to me.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: