Parents who adopted toddlers or older children... how long did you wait until you took them on a vacation?

MamaKate

Dear Kazi,

I doubt you have anything to worry about! Especially with Mickey around to help entertain!

I would suggest bringing items that he finds comforting and lots of reassurance if he seems to become agitated. Other than that, I think you will be just fine!

Have fun on your first family vacation with your new son! Make memories that will last a lifetime! :)

ETA: Oh, look, my personal stalkers were here!

ETA2: Please remember that the agency's recommendation is only a suggestion and you as a parent must use your OWN judgment about what is best for your child.

Sofiakat

My son had anxiety in the car, period. Everytime we would enter a vehicle he would get extremely upset, fidgety, talk non-stop at a high speed. To him the car was the delivery system to every new foster home and away from his mother. Now at the three year mark, we have learned to deal with his reaction by buying a dvd player because everything else seemed to not work. Here he can concentrate on the movie, and his anxiety eases. So I can see the point the social workers were trying to make. However, if you have not seen similar reactions to travel (even short distances) and you keep saying that it is a FAMILY vacation where everyone leaves together to see Mickey Mouse and comes home together, he will hopefully be okay. Some kids can handle it and some kids cant. It sounds like yours probably can :)

Jennifer L

I'd say that our first overnight trip was about eight months after the adoption. The children had a great time, there was no anxiety about it at all. They asked about who was going to take care of the dogs while we were gone (we boarded them at a kennel) and where we were going to sleep (in a hotel). But other than that, there was no problems with trauma, separation anxiety or anything of the like.

Opedial

We took them four months after moving in....to visit Nova Scotia and their grandparent.

We asked all grandparents to come to us to make it easier on the kids, but my husband's mom is in a wheelchair and has trouble travelling with her oxygen tanks.

We decided visiting family was okay...disneyland was not!

Yeah they had a few meltdowns, but they also had some great hi's and were thrilled to meet extended family!

aloha.girl59

We adopted our son at the age of 2-1/2. We cancelled a planned vacation to Hawaii (we lived in California at the time) because we were told it was too soon to take him that far away (and we wouldn't have had time to get approval from fmom and the courts anyway). FYI: the vacation was planned before we were called about our son's placement in our home.

A month after we first brought our son home, we took him by car from Los Angeles to San Diego to see his agrandparents and to go to Legoland and Sea World. He was fine. He had no problems falling asleep in a 'strange' bed (we were there with him in the condo) and he played and went on rides and enjoyed the animals and was a typical 2 year old for the entire trip. Interesting side note: our son was prone to ear infections and he developed one while we were on this trip. I had forgotten to pack his paperwork that we needed in case he needed medical care (the paperwork that states that he is a foster child and we have the right to seek medical treatment for him) so I drove all the way back to L.A. one night to get it just in case we needed to take him to the ER! It was unnecessary as the ear infection cleared up with drops we purchased, but it taught me a lesson: we never left home without that paperwork in our possession again!

Five months after our son moved into our home, we took him by plane to North Carolina for Christmas and to see my side of the family. Again, he was fine. He loved playing with his acousins (age 2-1/2 and age 5 months) and spending time with his other agrandparents. He didn't act upset or traumatized in any way...just the typical almost-three-year-old meltdowns that my bio-nephew was experiencing. :) We were told to expect problems but never had any. I guess we got really lucky!

what do u see?

when a child is adopted, it is believed that the boy(in your case) is scared. when u adopted the child he felt comfort inside. if you would like to take this child on a vacation, i suggest you forget what they told you and ask your son if he would enjoy going to this place. if he sounds afraid to go, then it is a terrible idea, and he could suffer from that because if you were to bring him when he doesn't want to, he will think you don't love him and are giving him up, again. so its all really up to your son.if he sounds excited when you ask him to go, then i suggest you bring him along and go.

Lisa

With my kids, it wasn't the separation fear so much as the change in routine and being overwhelmed. If you need to go, keep things consistent as possible: same foods, same bedtime, same rituals like you do at home. Also avoid overwhelming your child with lots of curious relatives.

It probably all depends on how long you've had the child, what life's been like at home, the child's temperment, all that stuff.

Kim

I think this vastly varies by the child, his experiences and his personality.

We traveled with DS about 8 weeks after we got home and he really seemed fine with it. (I didn't notice any changes in behavior really at all.) Grandma had traveled to Russia with us, and this was his next opportunity to see her. He obviously remembered her and was thrilled to see her again. He had a great time on that trip.

Grandma wanted us to come again with DD, but it just didn't "feel like it would go well," so we declined until she'd been home at least 6 months. Even then, she was stressed by the trip (hard to calm/settle down, woke up a lot at night, more clingy than usual, etc.) It wasn't unbearable, but I think it was still too soon to travel. She travels well now (home 3-1/2 years) and she's currently wondering when we're going to go see Grandma next but, in hindsight, we probably should have waited longer.

I do think that CAS's advice is wise -- err on the side of caution -- but you know your son best and are probably the best judge. I also think that Sofiakat had good advice -- emphasize that you'll be going as a family, and coming home as a family afterwards.

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