Poll for people who cannot have children biologically?

Shelby

Methinks that when a person is still trying to justify or discuss their infertility in this forum, that person may still find that topic a bit sensitive. Which means that that person may still have unresolved issues about their infertility.

I do agree that adopting should not be a band-aid for infertility. A person who adopts can be infertile, but that should not be the reason they are adopting. I can think of many other nicer reasons.

On the other hand why do you feel the need to explain yourself to anyone. What you do or not do or cannot do with your reproductive system is your business.

**Seriously, I cannot believe how many people are sharing such a personal thing here . I would be saying none of your damn business. **

Lara

1. Not caused by age or weight.

An STD (I contracted through no fault of my own) could have contributed to the problem. My doctors say they cant really know how much the STD contributed to my difiiculties, they tell me its certainly didn't cause my fertility problems on its own. Its more like a lot of factors out of my control coming together at once, not just in conceiving but carrying to term.

2. There is a chance of conceiving but realistically no chance of carrying a child to term.

Randy B

My wife's infertility is due to both early menopause (onset around 26) and a genetic defect that was supposed to render her unable to conceive. Mine was due to an on the job injury. We adopted once and then became pregnant. Funny thing is, the Doctors told us all through the pregnancy that it was not supposed to happen and that they could not understand it. My wife even had one Doctor a few years ago who refused to believe the had already carried a child based upon the medical file he had in front of him. I guess we proved him wrong. lol

As far as the tumbs down are concerned, you could answer a question asking what 2 + 2 is by stating it was 4 and someone would still thumbs down you. As far as I'm concerned this is one of the most useless features of YA. People try to use it as punishment for stances they don't believe in. Childish really.

1. No. I was in my mid-20's when we decided to have a family
2. No. I am not over weight and never have been.
3. No. Never had an STD.

I am infertile because of a hereditary condition called PCOS. As a result my body will produce eggs just not viable ones.

There is a less than .01% chance that I could conceive.

The #1 reason for female infertility is ovulation disorder as a result of: Hormonal problems, scarred ovaries from ovarian cysts, premature menopause, and follicle problems. Obesity can be a contributor for an ovulation disorder but it is usually not the only factor.

ETA: When someone has to misrepresent information to make a point or further their cause it is disingenuous and lessens their credibility as a reliable source and resource.

Erin L

Hi Shelley,

My infertility was not due to age, obesity, or STD. Two points. I agree that it's wrong to assume that an infertile person is at fault for her own infertility. I do think it's okay to statistically say that obesity and increased age before trying to have children have in general raised infertility rates. That is true. It is happening all over the world.

I know of many people who adopt who have "secondary infertility". They basically have had a child or children and want more but have lost their fertility. They want more children, so they adopt. Some of them want second families and are delaying an empty nest. Really, of the people I know in the adoption community (and I do know many) there are a lot of people in this situation. I know several people who are still young, have fertility problems, had one child with the help of rigorous fertility treatments, decided it wasn't worth it again, so decided to adopt more children. I also know many people who adopt due to primary infertility due to no fault of their own. And I know of a few people (only 2 couples actually) who are adopting without infertility.

Here is the thing. The accusation that people who are "at fault" for their own fertility implies that they are wrong to adopt. I think what matters is whether or not the person adopts ethically and educates themselves about raising adopted children. For those who are not infertile, for those who are young and in no way "at fault" for their own fertility, for those who are infertile because of something they could control. I think it's okay for any to adopt if they do so ethically, and wrong for any of them to adopt if it's done unethically. The nature of their infertility has nothing to do with it.

Amy J

1. No our infertility(it's both of us, I don't blame myself) is not from any of those. It's still undetermined.
2. The doctors and lab couldnt find anything wrong with either of lots of tests were done. If we kept spending the money to "fix" the problem then we wouldnt have any $ to raise a child.

Kim

Age: No. (I was 24 when we started TTC)
Obesity: No. (I am normal weight, although I work hard to stay that way.)
STD: No. (Never... and they do check that stuff.)

As near as anyone can tell, my infertility was caused by a series of medical procedures that I had when I was young. It damaged my eggs (did you know that a baby girl is born with all the eggs she'll ever have?) which leads to non-viable embryos.

I also have an ovulatory problem, but it can be (was) corrected with medication, so it's not the ultimate cause of my infertility. With meds, I was ovulating...but I was ovulating damaged eggs.

I suppose it's possible that there's an undamaged egg in there somewhere, but once we learned the problem we decided not to continue trying to conceive.

ETA: I appreciate Gersh taking this opportunity to more-fully explain her position because I think I understand it now better now and, for the most part, agree. Previously I've gotten more of a "no matter how well you *think* you've dealt with it, if you're infertile and adopt, you've given your child a job." I don't believe that's true... and apparently, neither do you...so thanks.

Annabelle

1. PCOS diagnosed a age 26-not old in my book
2. Yes, I have concieved before with a little medical assistance

ETA Thanks for the thumbs down...??

Jennifer L

1. No

2. Extremely unlikely.

We had secondary infertility. Meaning, that we had a child very young and for some reason cannot have another one. The doctors said that with the type of infertility we have it was amazing that we were ever able to conceive at all. So, because we had one "Miracle" (even though we didn't realize he was a miracle at the time) I suppose there's always a snowball's chance in hell that it can happen again. But I'm not holding my breath. We've accepted it and moved on.

ETA: Wow, look at all the TD's. Yup, there's no "hating" on infertile people on this forum at all! Sure thing.

itchlbfs

I am only 28 with unknown infertility. My DH and I have gone through many test and nothing has come up. So, yes it does hurt to not know what is wrong with us. I think I would rather know the problem than not know what is causing us not to conceive.

I am not overweight and I am a healthy person.

BPD Wife

1) No. Our infertility is due to unknown reasons. They feel that it lies with both of us rather than just one of us...meaning that my husband also shares some of the issues with our infertility.

2) I like to always have hope, but the reality is, after trying for more than 8 years, I would say we are never going to conceive.

Do I think that my infertility makes me less of a woman? No.

Do I think that my infertility means that I have less love to give a child? No.

Do I think that my infertility makes me less of a Mom to my child? Absolutely not.

Adoption happens to be the way that our family was created. It doesn't lessen the love or the connection that any of us have with each other. I would lay down my own life for my son - regardless if he was born from my belly. He is my son and I am his mother. We are blessed.

Gershom

Well, I have been advised by my dr. not to try and have any more children and have been told it may not be possible due to a medical condition I have had since birth. I'm not sure if I'm infertile or not, but I thought I'd play along with the poll.

My condition is something from birth that isn't weight, STD or age affiliated. However, i have had children already, but have been advised it could be life threatening to both of us if done again and I will not pursue any more children naturally due to it. My first born and I after planning a birthing center out of hospital birth ended up in the hospital for an emergency c-section due to my condition.

Obviously I'm not infertile, because I've conceived and delivered 2 children, but knowing they could die in utereo, or I could have serious emergency complications that without medical intervention soon enough would kill me too, is enough to face the "i can't have anymore children" reality. I believe I'm lucky that we made it through my 2 pregnancies and had I known about this condition I probably never would have attempted to have children in the first place.

Being infertile doesn't mean you can't be a mother. If thats what you're taking from the argument, then I believe you're taking the wrong idea from the viewpoints.

from what I saw, sly quoted an article, which wasn't her own stereotype. I would think "some research went into it, but I didn't read the article so I don't know for sure. I know sly online though and she knows her facts!

Infertility doesn't mean someone can't be a mother through adoption, the point I've been trying to make ( and clearly haven't done a good enough job) is that if people are blinded by their trauma from infertility it wouldn't make a very healing home for an adoptee needing empathy and support for their trauma.

Infertile people I'm sure can make good parents, however, if they're in the core of their loss, feeling and experiencing their loss and using adoption to try and cure that loss, i think its unhealthy for all involved.

I have had a period of grieving from being told I shouldn't reproduce again. There is no way I would go out and try and adopt to heal that grieving. Grieving is a process that shouldn't be put onto the back of an infant who is going through their own grieving, in my opinion.

Serenity71

Well since I started trying for children at 23 waiting to long wasn't the issue. Hell doctors can't tell whats going on really. I had a few vague ideas from comments they made but nothing that said..."This is what's wrong." And I had the best IVF specialist that was part as the original team that developed the process back in the 80's as my doctor.

I did think about fostering when I was a teenager because my grandmother was a foster mum. My grandma told me to wait until I had kids and they were older. So I put the thought to back of my mind. then got married...) I still might do that when my child is older. Right now she needs the attention from me to be her mum.

I do know a lady who donated eggs. She showed us pictures of the three children who are alive because of her.

Indian-vision

At the time i applied for adoption i was 28 years old and were suffering from endometriosis.(genetic issue). My BMI has always been perfect and i do believe 3o plus i am still under the "perfect weight" category.

I never suffered from any STD !!!!!!!!!!!!

I am NOT infertile but have difficulty conceiving. People with endometriosis have had normal pregnancies so its just my situation as i believe given by god. I never tried very hard to try and much of assisted fertility as i believed in adoption as my route to be a parent.

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