Pregnant and can't bear to choose adoption. can i place my baby in foster care, finish school and get him back

jessica300

Listen to your heart. You can't bear to choose adoption, so don't!

I would suggest putting the thought of adoption out of your mind for now and focus on what you need to do to raise your child. Do you need financial aid? There are government programs that can help you:

http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/howtoapply/
Government program with contacts for each state WIC (Women, Infants, Children)

http://www.fns.usda.gov/fsp/
(Federal government food stamp program)

http://www.insurekidsnow.gov/
(Government health insurance for your child)

Here are some links for single moms, too:

http://www.singlerose.com/index.html?Rose_Session=34090e4615cd145d40264b034fcd574a
(This one has a message board you might find helpful)

http://singlemomsconnect.com/

http://www.singlemothers.org/

If people pressure you to think about adoption, it is okay to tell them that you are not considering that option. I don't think that adoption is something that you should even consider before your child has been born.

Others have given you good options on school, get your GED, go part time, take night classes, or classes online, or put it off for a bit until you and your baby are in a better situation. You CAN go back and get your education; you CAN NOT get your child back after the final adoption papers are signed. And I would not suggest foster care either.

I lost my child to adoption. I know how painful it is for both the mother and the child who are separated by adoption, so I can not recommend this as an option.

Here is another link for you:
http://www.motherhelp.info/

Possum

I think it's wonderful that you want to parent your child.
Don't let anyone talk you into giving up your child if you don't want to.
A child wants and needs it's mother - first and foremost - and that is the best for the child's emotional and psychological well being.

I don't think foster care is the way to go - as there is always the risk that you may not get your child back once they are in the system. I'm not an expert on this by any means - but I would be very wary of this option.

Perhaps your goals have to be shuffled around a little to make room for this baby. Many many women have parented children at a young age - and have managed to also finish school.
You can certainly do it.

Another family member helping you out - first and foremost would be the way to go. But you do need to parent the child - not just pick up down the track when you are ready. (if you know what I mean)

You don't say whether you're in high school or college - or what is your age.
There are support groups to help young mums keep their babies - and perhaps they can offer more advice on the best way to go.

Perhaps taking on subjects part-time - or finding a school that accommodates for young mums - and helps you achieve what you want to achieve.

Search around the Origins site for info about resources for keeping your baby -
http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/

Also have a read of this blog by an first parent - and leave a message asking for advice - and you will find some very helpful friends -
http://aislin13.wordpress.com/

Remember always - adoption is a long term fix to a short term problem.

You can work this out.
And you will be a great mum.

All my very best wishes.
Poss. xxx

Adding after reading more responses above - please ignore any talk about hurting adoptive parents if you change your mind. If you ever did decide to adopt out your child - you are entitled to change your mind before the adoption is finalised.
It is YOUR child - not theirs.
A child grows inside and bonds with the mother for 9 months - that trumps any ownership ideas that an adoptive parent may feel for a newborn baby. It's absurd to say that a child would bond with an adoptive parent so quickly - as they are usually complete strangers to the child.

The poster has stated that she doesn't want to do adoption - please come up with ideas to help her parent.
It's about the mother and the child peoples - not about your wants as a prospective adoptive parent.

Put on your thinking caps and really help someone else for a change.
(sorry - but sometimes people's ignorance about the real issues in adoption just make me cranky!!)

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no, dont get him in a foster care... ask your parents for help, you dont know how much impact would do to his life if you do. trust me.

sunny

Ignore advice that tells you to go to their site, and call their 800 #. Yikes! They are trolling for a baby. As my daughter says--yucky-doodle!

You need to keep your baby. Listen to Possum! Also--Originsusa.org, also adoptioncrossroads.com.

EVERYTHING will work out, I promise you. Family can help, but we have loads of programs in this country for you. I live in a university town, and there are things in place to make graduation totally possible.

For example, every college I've EVER heard of gives you free tuition if you work there. So you could be a receptionist, and get free tuition! Also, they have heavily discounted day care on campus. Plus there are loans.

No two parent home can take the place of a child's mother. YOU! Don't let ANYONE tell you that. It's garbage.

You can and will do it!

Hugs!

Heather B

I wish I could help you with childcare. I'd do it for nothing. I'm in the UK

Please don't give baby away. Please keep your baby - he/she needs you

Marsha R

Please do not give your child up to "temporary" foster care. Look at the case of Anna Mae He http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Mae_He_affair whose parents put her into "temporary" foster care and then spent SIX YEARS trying to get their daughter back! There are people out there who would use your vulnerability to take your child. It may be difficult, but you can raise your child and attend school at the same time. Please do not allow yourself to lose something as precious as your own child over something as temporary as this. You can do it.

jade_frost82

First I want to commend you on the decision to keep your child. Its a tough one to make, but giving up your child to adoption can be even tougher.
However, I must say, I don't know about putting it into foster care. Foster care isn't always the best place for children either, particularly infants. You don't nessisarily know what kind of home your child would be put into, and you don't always have a choice in the matter either.
Getting your child back could also be an issue, once the child is in the system, it isn't always just a matter of saying, ok, I want my baby back now.
I don't know whether or not you are in high school or college, but I would look at my options. If in college, perhaps you could put off schooling for a little while until your child is older. I also know that some schools offer daycare programs for when you are attending classes.
If you are still in high school, perhaps you can find someone to help you out? A parent perhaps, or another relative that could watch the baby while you are in school. There is also the option of getting your GED so that you can stay home with your baby most of the day and just go in for tutoring.
There are many options, you just have to look into them. I just don't know if putting your baby into foster care is the best one.
Possum has listed some websites for you to check out, do so. Find out what you can do to get through this period of your life.
I also don't know what state you are living in, but I know many have assistance programs for single mothers that would perhaps pay for child care for you so you can finish school.
Good luck to you.

ursobustedmr

No, but you can get help along the way. If you want to keep your baby, then it's going to be a struggle to keep him and get through school, but so worth it in the end. You do what you have to, to finish school AND mother your child. It's called have your cake and eat it too. Not easy, but not impossible. If family won't help you, the state will help you with food and housing and school. Good luck to you and your baby!

AlexB

can u get help from a family member?

Julie R

You are pregnant. Until your child is born and you look into her/his eyes, you cannot know how you will feel. There is a process that is going on right now with your baby, a process of bonding with YOU. S/he has already imprinted on you and, once born, nerve junctions in certain areas of YOUR brain will actually undergo reorganization, thereby making your maternal behaviors "hard-wired." You will feel differently than you do now, believe me.

Any decisions you make now will be irrelevant once your child is born. You can always finish school in a few years. Hundreds of thousands of people finish school later for various reasons. A baby needs his/her mother for 18 months MINIMUM (preferably 3 - 5 years). You will not be too old to finish your education in 2, 3, 4, or 5 years. I know many women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who are finishing their education! Plus, more and more schools offer online degrees. NOT a big deal! You can even find work-from-home jobs!

The demand for children by hopeful adoptive parents in this country is at such a critical high that, the second you let go of your child, they will gather like hyenas. Whoever gets custody of your child is most likely going to have a lawyer who will claim they are the "only parents your child has ever known" and you will never see your child again.

Please make the contacts that Possum has offered, and you will find people who will help you find a way, a really workable way, to keep your child with YOU - the only person s/he needs.

That one guy

Put your baby on lay-away? uh...not very good parenting...id keep the kid if i were you and deal with what choice i made.

Laurel J

Keeping the baby in the family might be the wisest option for you. Theoretically you can get him back, but that's not always how the system works at all....

NC Princess has had a princessâ™¥

I would just keep the baby and finish school later, or let a family member take care of the baby!! Don't trust some foster care. I have heard of too many kids being abused in foster care.

Harriet

I don't think that's a good idea. If it's even possible, it will most likely really mess with the kid, all that moving around. Possibly if you see them regularly but I don't think that would be allowed. They will bond with foster parents and you would be a new thing. Either adopt it permanently or keep it. What you are suggesting is rather selfish.

kelly

No you can't get the baby back. Once the child is given up for any reason the government takes it from there. You can find a way to go to school and be a parent. You have the will now find the way. Ask a friend or relative to care for the baby while you are at school. If it's Highschool you are in then take night school classes to graduate, or just get your GED. You can do it. There are millions of single mothers out there going to school and working with kids.

Oops

where is his father? what state are you in. if you message me ill try to help you...

wife2denizmoi

I would try to get help from a family member first or finish school at night or on the weekends, but I wouldn't put a baby in foster care just because its not a convenient time for him/her to be born.

luckyarborlane

I want children but adoption is not for me I willo raise your child until you are done email me and we will talk.

pet lurvin darlin

you can do this if you explain that you will only put your baby in care if you can have him back otherwise you wont put him into a home,or the other option is telling a parent or close family member when he is born that you love him and dont want to put him into care...and then ask if they can take him untill you have finished school with you visiting as often as possible

Regina L

The best thing you should do is really weigh out your options. Could you live with an open adoption where you still keep in contact with the baby but hand over the parenting role to someone else? Foster Care is not a very good option, it is putting your child on hold and allowing them to bond only to tear them away, for me, this would be the last option. Do you have someone who could help you? Really examine whether you are ready to act in your childs best interest. You know you have several options. Think them through, no one can do this for you. Make a permanent plan for you and the baby.

Tsunami

you could maybe but all those eyars you want to leave this child in foster care. i think the best things is to let the baby have a good life and you just have to move on unless you can be loving good mother now. taker care.

Tessie

I would not suggest doing that at all. If you wanted to finish with your life and getting it together then you should have more careful. I am adopted myself and I have also given up my own son for adoption and it was the best decision and the most responsible . You need to think of the baby and not yourself, that is being selfish. Even though it did hurt to do what I did, I accepted it from the beginning. You will always be able to have more children and you will never forget your baby that you gave a chance with a family who can't have any children. Think of their pain and their desire. If you are confused and don't know much of the process you should go talk to someone about it. Like a adoption counselor. When you are pregnant you can't think selfishly, even when you are a mother. I now have 3 other children and I always think of Matthew , my son. He lives just one town over from me and I can call or see him if I want to. You can find a really nice family who will still want you to be a part of your baby's life. Good luck and remember , this isn't your life you need to think about. It's the baby's life.

Petra

How selfish can you possibly be! I understand that YOU can't bear it but have you at all considered your child in this. What is prolonged foster care going to do to him and his self worth. Do you think foster care is cookies and roses. It is not! How about either you decide to be a mother or allow someone who is going to put HIS interests first!

k r

Foster care is not a free day care. You have to decide if it is best for you to raise your baby, or a family. It is a big decision, your first act as a mother. I would pray about it and do what YOU believe is right.Try to imagine how your life will be for you and the child. If you think it will ruin EITHER of your lives then consider giving your baby the gift of a loving adopted family, and it will be a blessing for the family as well. You may even be able to find a family that would do an open adoption. You can go meet with your local social services office to find out about that. They may even connect you with a young single mothers group so you could ask other girls in your situation what it is like to raise a baby alone at your age. My friend did it, and did have to sacrifice her life for it....but that is what being a mother is. She is very glad and proud every day that she didnt let others convince her to abort. If she hadnt had her family support though she would have had her son adopted.
You caused this problem situation....dont solve it by taking it out on the baby. This decision should be for your baby, not you.

Jami

you know this question iritates me!! i really really want to adopt...my husband tryed to adopt about 6 years ago and had the boy in our house for about 8 mos....and then the mother decided she wantd him back!....people like you dont think about how bad it would hurt the adoptive parents to get"their baby" taken away! especially after how long and hard and costly it is to adopt!!!!...if u dont think you can care for this baby properly...give baby up and stay away!....if you want the baby then you have to do everything i mean everything you can to care for this baby!

Jay

There are already some great suggestions here, but you might also want to consider what "taking him back" would do to the child as well as the adopting family.

Children need stability from the day they are born. Imagine the bonding they would already have gone through even from the first few days.

And then the parents- imagine a family who is desperate for a child, finally adopts and then loses that child.

Normally, there is only a small window for reversing an adoption, but in case you are seriously considering adoption, think about these things first- even changing your mind after a day or two can be devastating for many people.

Amy B

No, it doesn't work that way. You have to choose to either keep the child and try to be the best parent you can or place him for adpotion with a loving family that can provide for him emotionally, financially, psychologically, etc.

I understand that there definitely are horror stories about adoption out there, but there are also wonderful stories where adoptions work out very well and the adopted child grows up very happy. I have several friends and also an aunt that are adopted and they don't have traumatic issues and regrets about their adoptions.

I think you should talk to someone who can help you explore your options and get you the real info about the reality of parenting and adoption without pressuring you into a choice. There are agencies out there that allow you to choose the adoptive couple for yourself and have an open adoption so that you can know how your child is doing, etc.

Ultimately, what matters most is what is best for the child. Either way, you are going to face difficult times. Parenting means a complete comittment to your child and always putting their needs ahead of yours. Adoption would be difficult, but would allow the baby to be raised by two loving, stable parents and you would be able to finish school and then plan a family when you are ready for one. Laws require agencies to do extensive background checks, medical checks, etc. to screen adoptive couples and weed out potential problems of abuse, etc.

If you do your research, I'm sure you will find that adoption is completely different now than it was even 10 years ago. Talk to someone who can help you through this.

Good luck!
Amy

Meow

I don't know how old you are, but what you are suggesting is sounding like you are desperate to make a right decision. I'm proud of you for wanting your baby. What you don't see right now is that doing what you are asking would hurt worse than giving him to a loving family. I was adopted and I hope that my birth mom felt the same as you at some point. She was in school too.

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