Pressure to Adopt.....?

Angela

Follow your gut! Out of everyone, you are the one that this is going to hurt the most. Not your friends, not your husband (who it will hurt but he didn't carry the little booger for 9 months), not the grandparents. YOU!

Hey guess what my in laws had 3 kids back to back like gave birth and then found out they were pregnant again after only 3 or 4 months. My husband who is the oldest doesn't feel like he was loved any less. In fact he thinks being the oldest is what made him so independent! His family was also very very poor, like lived in a shelter poor.

If you only want one child ever then place this one up for adoption. Because the longer you wait the harder it is for the first child to cope with the addition. My friend of mine has a 5 year old and a 4 month old. Her 5 year old hates the attention his mother gives to his brother and often tells his mother that he hates her. So trust me if you want more kids, now is the time to!

Bottom line: Tell them that you appreciate that they are trying to help you but you have made up your mind and you feel you are doing the best thing for you and your family. If they still push it, either change the subject or give them that "You've crossed the line and i am done talking look" or dead silence if you are on the phone.

"you might get in over your head, and this might be the child that God made for the adoptive parents"

BS! Why would the most powerful person give you a child and not the adoptive parents?! He has healed many many burden wombs. Just read the bible! This person instead should have said. "Why don't you pray and put your trust into the lord." <--- that is more likely what he wants you to do!

"I was even replaced in my best friends wedding because now I have "too much on my plate""

Sounds like to me she didn't want a fat hormonal pregnant chick in her wedding...

Allanas

You are LETTING them pressure you.

People can say what ever the heck they please. Part of being a grown up is standing up for yourself and not taking anyone's crap.

When they say something stupid, you say...
~Leave me alone
or
~It's my decision and I've made it.
or
~It's not your business.
or
~Mind your own business.
or
~The next time someone tells you to give away your baby, then come talk to me.
or
~I'm not discussing this with you.

Scream swear words at them...

Hang up the phone.

Ask them to leave, or you get up and leave.

Slam the door in their faces. If they're saying this to you they obviously don't have your best interests at heart.

Stop talking to them.

There are other reactions than just listening to people and doing what they say.

Jennifer L

I don't think that you owe anyone an explanation for your decision. My best advice would be to gently, but firmly, end the conversation. You can say that you've decided to parent this child along with your daughter and are not open to discussing adoption any further.

When I was young and pregnant, I had a lot of pressure from friends to have an abortion. A few people talked about adoption, but I can't say anyone tried to pressure me into it. It took a couple of those "gentle but firm" statements to get my friends to get the picture. I just said that my decision was to parent this child and that I was not going to discuss alternatives at all.

Hang in there!

AnnaBelle

Tell them to eff off. Then promptly remind them how wildly inappropriate it is that they would opine on such a personal matter. Would they go up to any other pregnant stranger, and try to convince her to give away her baby? I think not.

Good Lord, with "friends" like that...

LinnyG

Im sorry you are going through this, Lindsey. It's no one's business. You are making the right choice.

No one understands what a first Mom goes through, nor do they know what an adoptee goes through. Your baby does not want to be raised by a stranger, but by you, his Mommy. Surrendering this baby would cause so much trauma to your 10 month old, too. You are strong and don't need people like that.

If these "friends" are putting pressure on you to do something that you personally know will haunt you for the rest of your life, you may want to re-evaluate your friendships. Im sorry they are doing this to you.

mommy2squee

Tell them No. Remind them of how hard it was the first time around, and tell them that you are not going through that again. and then change the subject.

You have agonized over this for months, and you and your husband have made this decision. It is the right decision for you and your family.

Good luck. Having two this close in age will not be a walk in the park, but you can and will do it.

kidmindi

Yeah, think about what you will be taking away from your daughter....HER BROTHER! I am almost 38 and I just found my little brother last year. We have missed out on so much not knowing each other...Don't do this to your kids. They need FAMILY not things...

Rosie

Tell your friends that you appreciate their concern and you hope they will be there to babysit for you and lend a hand with one precious baby and one on the way, you will need the TLC.

because you have decided to keep him.

end of story. talk to the hand. :)

gypsywinter

Tell your so-called friends to mind their own business. This is your baby, not theirs to decide what you should or shouldn't do with. Honest to all the gods and goddesses....What's wrong with people nowadays?? Just because one or a couple is short on cash, is no reason to give away one's kids...how do people like these telling you to give your child away...even come to believe that adoption is the best option for any old reason. "think about how keeping him will take away from your daughter"?? WTH! If you surrender your son, you will be giving away your daughter's brother, for Heaven's Sake. Do your friends 'think about' that?

You do not owe these "friends" any explanation....real friends would be cheering you and your baby on, together...not rallying for you to surrender. This non-chalant attitude about adoption nowadays, when there is absolutely no necessity to do so..is absurd.

Pip

Don't listen to other people as it's none of their business. Do what's right for you and your family . Hold your head up, be proud of your decision and raise your children together. The people who should be feeling ashamed are the ones who are telling you to surrender as they haven't got a clue what it is like to surrender. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't raise your child.

Serenity71

If you don't want to do it then ignore them. Real friends wouldn't be pressuring you into something you obviously don't want to do. As then how it benefits them and see how fast they backtrack on those words they've been throwing at you. You're marriage is your business, not open slather for everyone who wants to stick their nose into it. I don't like how people speak of what they don't know or make people who adopt a child like they're desperate or something and you owe someone else a baby. You don't.

Your daughter will have a brother soon and they should be together. Congratulations!

maybe

"think about how keeping him will take away from your daughter"

How about they think about how giving him away will take away from your daughter. Not only will you lose your child, but your daughter will lose her BROTHER. Their sibling relationship will be forever lost if you give him away. You obviously love your daughter and this new baby-to-be. Tell your so-called friends they can either accept this child or take a hike.

As for the best friend taking you out of the wedding - what kind of friend would do that? I suspect it is more about their needs, sounds like they expect your life to revolve around them. Tell these friends you love this baby and will do anything to keep your family together because that's what mothers do.

And for the record, God DOES NOT make babies for adoptive parents. What a bizarre thought. Why wouldn't God just make the adoptive parents get pregnant with their own baby?

Your friends are offering their advice, that's what good friends do. What you need to do now is tell them you have considered their advice and have decided to parent this child, and it is no longer up for debate or discussion.
Remind them that you will need their friendship and support once the baby is here. If they can 't do this, they are not a real friend.
Look into social service programs, like WIC and Welfare (there is no shame in it) to help out until your family can get back on track.
Best of luck.

Tell them the matter is settled and that is all you are going to say about it. Having another child will change things up in your life, no doubt. But what happens with you and the child is up to you, the child father and the child. And they can mind their own business. If there close friends I know the opinion matters to you and so listen to it once. But you made your choice and they need to shut up about it

Kris

Not to be rude but you are 22 years old. Can you not figure out what causes this. You already
gave one child up. You have one child and you are pregnant. Have you ever heard of a Condom,
Birth Control? If you gave up one kid and can only support the one you kept. WHY WOULD YOU GET PREGNANT AGAIN????

MARY

Why do your friends care what you do?
No offense, but do they think you're a bad parent or something?
When are you due?
If you and your husband feel you can take care of this child's needs and be good role models for this child, then keep him.
I don't know how to word this, so I'm just going to write it: You're only 22 and on your third pregnancy. It seems you're very fertile. Please talk to your OB/GYN about some permanent or semi-permanant birth control. The IUD or Essure or a tubal or your husband getting a vasectomy can be considered.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: