Pros and Cons to open adoption?

tish

pro-
-in theory, acknowledges that the child has two sets of parents.
-allows the child/adoptee to know his/her heritage.
-maintains, to some degree, the natal bonds of mother and child.

cons-
-is not legally enforceable.
-can be used to "get a kid faster." (agree, then change mind)
-might be problematic in cases of severe abuse or neglect.

Freckle Face

We have an open adoption with our first daughter. DD has been emailing her first mother. Now our first mother has told her family about the adoption. We welcome grandparents, aunts, and cousins etc to email, call and eventually all meet. Its an exciting time.

In our case our first mother is a wonderful woman and so is her family. We all respect each other. We fully welcome more family into our lives to love our daughter. She is almost ten. Sometimes it seems like she gets it and other times not so much. I always tell her this is her decision to make but if she is asking my advice, i suggest take it slow and just get to know her newly found family members.

They are planning a trip up to visit us and we are planning on a trip to visit them. It is such a blessing. I love seeing my daughters face light up when she talks to mom w. That tells me what we are doing is right. It is all about what is best for the child and we all agree on that. I wish more people could experience the beauty of open adoptions.

Our other daughter is from Africa so it is a little harder. Currently we send pictures and letters every six months to the government which is later sent to our first family. In two years we plan a family vacation to Africa and re=visit our first family again. With their permission this is a voyage we would like to keep up every two years.

Thats our personal experience with open adoptions. We wouldn't have it any other way. We see the pros of open adoption as she knows she is loved all the way around. She will always know who she is as person and where she came from. There are so secrets and no mysteries for her to uncover.

Samone

Open adoption is just that, open.

The child ideally is allowed to know there roots, where they came from, eliminating the need to search later in life.
It allows the birthmother a chance to see her child grow up from afar with letters & pictures. It can somewhat put her mind at ease that she made the right decision to place her child as she (hopefully watches them grow up happily.

Cons?? It's not enforcable & the adoptive parents can use it as a bargaining tool to get the child in the first place, only to yank it away later.

Wundt

I think Gaia has it absolutely correct.

I have family who have an open adoption and it works very well. She, the adopted child, sees her biological family once or twice a year. Her adoptive parents don't feel threatened and believe the more loving family you have, the better. She gets a bigger family and a better understanding of why she was adopted.

However, we adopted through foster care. The biological family of our children has a long history of drug use, violence, abuse, and other criminal activities. We occasionally send them photos and letter, but have no plans for physical contact while our sons are still children. This is not a philosophical problem with open adoptions, but a reaction to the specific conditions of our case. If our sons wish to make contact with their biological family when they are adults, it is up to them; we are keeping all information we have about their life before they came to live with us for that purpose.

opedial

The only time I have issues with open adoption is when it is with a parent whose rights have been relinquished due to abuse. I do think the child has a right to know everything they can about said parents, but having htem involved in their lives while they are still living inappropriate lifestyles, I can't see teh benefit to the child. The children who are adoption due to this scenario need to feel secure and safe and learn that love doesn't hurt.

A parent who has not abused etc. or a young mother giving her child up for adoption shoudl be as open as possible.

Gaia Raain

Well, since the only important point of view in this scenario is the adoptee's, I'm going to answer this question from that perspective, and hope I'm not stepping on toes.

Pro's: You get to know the people you're related to. You don't wind up at 35 feeling like you still don't have all the pieces together. You (hopefully) feel safe to ask questions and get honest answers (because I'm assuming that an open adoption comes with an open door policy regarding questions, too, although I'm sure there are cases where that's not correct). You get to determine for yourself if this is a person you can like, relate to, love, spend time with, get along with...not just taking the adoptive parents' word for it. I'm sure there are many others.

Con's: If the biological family has any kind of addiction or mental health issues, safety could be an issue (in which case any contact would need to be kept at a distance that's safe for the child...maybe just pictures and letters through the agency, or only allowing visits after a clean drug test, or something along those lines).

ETA: Yep, absolutely. That's what I said and that's what I meant. Adoption is about the CHILD, not about the adult. When the adults are making decisions based on their own wants or fears, at the expense of the child who is caught in the middle, the ONLY result is harm to the child. My fears about having to "share" my child are MY fears, for ME to deal with, and have absolutely no place whatsoever in decisions of whether my child should or will know his/her biological family. (I don't have those fears anyway, but it's an example.) If the adults can't take care of their own emotional needs, they have no place trying to take care of the emotional needs of a child - and they CERTAINLY have no place forcing their child to suffer for their own insecurities!

Corkey Dawn18

I think the decision it totally up to the person adopting the child. I was adopted by my grandparents and if they didn't let me still get to know my parents my world wouldn't be the same. I love my mother and I know she did the right thing giving me and my sister up to my grandparents. It also keeps a child from asking questions to which the "parent" might not know the answer. I know the truth about my parents and over the years I have been able to come up with my own opinion about my real parents and I prefer it that way.

Jelly tots

well personally, I am all for keeping the adoptions as natural as possible and an open adoption, in my opinion is just no good for that at all.

I dont see how open adoption is any good for the child in the long run, only causing confusion. I dont see how it w ould benefit the bios either. Isnt it heartbreaking enough for the bios to have made that decsion anyway?
How about the adoptive parents too?... How are they meant to keep things natural for the child and themselves.

I just think its wrong on so many levels. I say cut all ties or dont adopt your child out.

Danielle S

to me it's better to have closed adoption instead of open.....it's better to have it closed because once you do it you can start the healing process...if you have it open at least your able to make sure that the baby is doing well and you feel better about yourself for doing what feels right

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