Putting a baby up for adoption?

Anha S

You just found out, give yourself time to adjust. When I first found out I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter, I spent weeks in a daze wondering what the heck I was going to do. I didn't feel ready to be pregnant again, to parent again, the thought of it was scary, and huge. Id just finished college, was in between jobs, and I was alone. But I let it sink in, and gave myself time. You may feel you aren't ready to be a parent now, but when you give birth, it might be a very different story, maybe even before then. There are also resources available to you to help you raise the child. In the end, my advice would be to wait till after the child is born to make a final decision. The last thing a new mother needs is an adoption agent hanging over her shoulder spoon feeding her guilt and BS to ensure she sticks to her bargain.

ladybmw1218

Every state offers maternity Medicaid for uninsured expectant moms. It usually covers prenatal care, birth, and one year of well baby visits/immunizations, though the exact benefits may vary slightly.

It is easier to qualify for than full Medicaid as it is temporary, and everyone I personally know who has applied for it (in 3 different states) including my sister in law and close friends, has gotten it. Having those expenses covered without getting PAPs and agencies involved will remove that factor from your decision.

Please go about taking care of yourself and your baby before you even consider relinquishment. Things may be less dire than you think.

Heather M

I have never actually been through an adoption but I have been in your situation. I was pregnant and didn't know what to do. I explored all my options and in the end I knew I wanted my daughter. I honestly cant imagine my life with out her today, but I also respect your question because you are being responsible and knowing you might not be able to take care of this child and some parent/parents out there who want children and cant.

Not Adopted

To the dunderhead who posted, "Well, I'm adopted and on behalf of all of us who didn't end up in a dumpster, thank you for your decision."

What an incredible insult to the mothers on this forum....because obviously we all would have thrown our babies in a dumpster.

He's clearly suffering from "grateful adoptee" syndrome.

Hippiechick, remember his statement. This is what people truly think of so-called "birth" mothers. They'll tell you how wonderful you are when they want your baby, but once the adoption is final you will be labeled a trailer trash crack-ho who would have thrown her baby in dumpster.

Another piece of advice: STAY AWAY FROM ADOPTION AGENCIES. They have one goal - to convince you to give up your baby. They exist for the sole purpose of making adoptions happen, they will hound you to the ends of the earth.

cats3to2

Oh dear. I was 19 when I had my son and totally believed the societal myths about adoption and gave my son away.

Doing so will ruin your life. It will cause emotional scarring to your baby that is life long. Babies need their moms. That baby will know your scent, your sound, you are that babies entire universe. And by the time that baby is born, they will be a part of your soul. That baby will become your entire reason to live. And without that baby in your life, you will be a shadow of your former self. Read the book Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier for more insight.

I know it's scary. Look into infant car seats. Look into parenting methods. See if you can get help from family. Look into getting WIC and medical assistance. Visit clothes closets and get maternity clothes and baby clothes. You can do this. And by keeping your baby, you will be rewarded with a love like none you have ever known.

No one else can love that baby any more than you can. Adoptive families also have dysfunction, divorce, abuse, etc. They aren't "better" just different. You can do this. You can be the good mom this baby deserves. You can start taking vitamins now. You can stop drinking now. Don't worry about the past right now. Just know that you can be a good mom to this baby.

samantha

im 17 and pregnant. im planing on putting my baby up for adoption not because im incapable of parenting but because i know there are people out there that would be much better parents then me. i didn't go to the doctor until i was 30 weeks and had a couple of nights of binge drinking before i knew i was pregnant and my baby is completely healthy so far. if you aren't sure about adoption you could do open adoption so you can still get visits. if u live on the east coast try adoptions from the heart.that's who im working with and they are really good. good luck =)

tiffywiffy

The 1st thing you should do is talk to someone, one on one - outside of these boards. You'll get all kinds of answers on here, some not so nice. I would first recommend you talk to a very close friend, a pastor, or a counselor. Get on some kind of prenatal vitamins right away - you can buy them at your local drug store. Don't be scared, just take care of yourself very well from now on. You have alot of time to decide what to do. Don't make a decision right away.

When you are ready, look for a reputable and licensed agency in your area that will help you get Medicaid and caters to your counseling before AND after you have the baby. Some places just drop you like a hot potato after they get your baby. The family that adopts your child will pay the agency or lawyer, not you directly. But the family can also offer to pay for housing, etc. but it is heavily regulated. If you need someone to talk to, email me anytime.

brown_eyes1491

Go to planned parenthood.
Check to see if your baby's ok.
I'm sure the people there know about the adoption process.
ask them.
& good luck. :)

iluvnurd

Ok, first of all, I want to point out that the chances that this girl is actually pregnant are slim to nothing.

20 weeks is 5 months pregnant. 5 MONTHS. By then, her baby would be kicking, probably kicking up a storm. You mean to tell me that she didn't feel the foot kicking her in the ribs, or never saw a heel glide acorss her stomach?

At 5 months, there is no possible way to have only gained 5 pounds. The baby itself should be almost 5 pounds by this point, and thats not including amniotic fluid, increased breast tissue, and the little bit extra that like 90% of women gain all over.

According to the site below, gaining 7 pounds by the 5th month is considered extremely low. So 5 pounds, yea, sounds like a load of bs to me.

LookingtoAdopt

We are a couple looking to adopt a baby, having tried IVF ourselves several times without success so we know what this looks like from the other side. We just started looking and have not found a baby yet. I am sure that if you contacted a legal adoption agency close to you. They will be able to help you. If you would like to contact me directly as well, please feel free to, but we will have to get an adoption agency involved to see if a match works. This seems strange, but I just happened so see your email while searching for adoption agencies myself. Take care and good luck.

Biena

I had a dear girl that I took in as a ...person of need who didn't acknowledge her pregnancy until the baby was born. (except to mecuz I'm nosy but thats a long story) She drank and rolled on E and was purposely abusing her body in hopes to make 'It' go away. Sad story happy ending... Olivia was born healthy as could be... she lived with us for a month before she was adopted by a wonderful family.

I was very surprised how healthy Olivia was, you can't undo whats been done. Be healthy now. May life fill your heart with blessings

sizesmith

Depending on where you live, there are ways to get some financial help. Medicaid should help with medical bills.

Morally, you should tell any adoptive parents that you did do some binge drinking and you can start prenatal vitamins quickly, and you should be good to go. There are things that can come up in the future, such as FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome), but hopefully, the little one is fine. Please start taking care of yourself and the baby as soon as you can.

Don't let anyone judge you harshly. Parenthood is the most wonderful thing when one is ready. It can also be a person's worst living nightmare when they aren't, which makes it a child's nightmare. By placing the baby for adoption, and allowing the baby to have contact information for the future, you're showing an act of love.

Good luck on whatever decision you make. In some ways, an unwanted pregnancy is a no-win situation. For someone who wants a child, it's a dream come true!

Pinky P

Hello,

I think that is so wonderful, great that you are not getting a abortion and are letting it get adopted. I am 18 and was adopted 5 years ago, I'm still living in the adopted house. If you want the adopted family to pay, I think that it is they're choice. You should ask them and work things out. I also think that you should go to the library or search the web about the kind of vitamins and minerals you need to keep this baby healthy. I also think that this baby will be fine and healthy, as long as you're eating a lot of healthy food and not too much junk. How old are you? I think that you are taking a great deal of responsibility for the baby if you have not gave it abortion, you are looking for a loving family to give it to, and you love it and are worried about its health, that is what any mother would do. It is an instinct. You have made the right choices in my opinion.

Yours Truly,
Peyton

Dana C

I just wanted to wish you luck. Know that a lot of us are routing for you.

LizzyBoo

Don't feel guilty for not keeping the baby, adoption is a beautiful thing. I my self am adopted, and I am in college right now majoring in psychology and minoring in social work to become a social worker, so that I can work in the foster care/ adoption system. I was also a teen mom, which even though now that I have my little boy wouldn't change a thing, it wasn't easy and there was alot that I missed out on, and I can see how for some who might not have the support system that I did keeping the baby wouldn't be for the best. You won't nesscesarily have to mention the nights of binge drinking, and if you don't keep it up there is a good chance that you will have a perfectly healthy baby. There are so many families out there who want a baby. What you need to do is first find a lawyer, to help with the paper work and the legal aspect of having the coupple adopting the baby placed as the parents and/or go to an adoption agency where they will have prospective parents, and you may even be able to prescreen the coupples and choose who will adopt your baby .... You can either have a open or closed adoption. In an open adoption you can recieve pictures and updates and possibly even see the child, where as in a closed adoption the child goes with the adoptive family and you have no contact. The adoptive family should cover the hospital bills, and any other expenses that you may need help with during your pregnancy... including the lawyer. I have just recently found my birth family, my adoption was closed but my parents did know the name of my birth mother and where she was from, so I looked her up. Now that I have found her I have been spending time with her and her family (she's now married with 3 other childern that she) and I feel no resentment toward her, I believe that she made the best decision and that I she and were both better off, though now that I am older, I m getting the chance to have a wonderful relationship with her. Don't worry, this will all be okay. Adoption is a beautiful gift, that you will be giving to a wonderful family who will always hold you in high regard for giving them the baby they have always wanted.

peppermint_paddy

It is safer for the baby if you eat well and take prenatal vitamins that will benefit you and the baby as well.
How did you 'find out' you were pregnant?
You could check with a lawyer or your doctor and the adoptive parents would pay all costs for you.
Congratulations for making the choice to give others what they can't have. I hope all goes well for you.

CrustyCurmudgeon

Well, I'm adopted and on behalf of all of us who didn't end up in a dumpster, thank you for your decision.
Now that you've made that decision, try to find an agency that is socially responsible. Don't phone an agency as a victim, looking for a solution. Communicate with them as what you are, a young lady with good values trying to do best for a life you are bringing into this world. Ask:
What are your criteria for adoptive parents;
How many field investigators do you have who check out the qualifications of propective adoptive parents;
How are you funded;
Are you qualified as a 501 (c) (3) organization (not for profit);
How do you provide for the mother's care during gestation;
What confidentiality arrangements do you provide between the natural and adoptive parents; and
Do you only select adoptive couples of a particular religion.
I don't know how you feel about future contact with the adopted child, but the only thing I miss, being adopted, is any idea of what genetic medical risks I might have. You might want to develop a summary of your family medical history to be given to the adoptive parents to make this not an issue if you decide to not be a part of the child's life.
My adopted parents were fully vetted by the agency and my dad was the best man I have ever known. He as a sharecropper, then a landowner. I earned two degrees (worked my way through school) and have lived a full and happy life.I don't see any downside.

MakeSure

I don't know how old you are, &, I don't have any experience in the adopting of babies. But, I thought you might be interested in reading the following:

Teen Pregnancy :
- Mothers Too Soon
- A Global Tragedy
- Facing the Challenges of Teen Motherhood
http://watchtower.org/e/20041008/article_01.htm

Why Did I Have to Be an Adopted Child?
http://watchtower.org/e/20030422a/article_01.htm

Isaac's mommy

i am sooo proud of you for making a responsible decision and being mature enough to realize that you can t handle a baby but that you are a very responsible and not aborting your baby. As far as the health insurance goes, most of the time the family or the agency you go through will pay for medical bills as well as any other costs that might come up. Look in the phone book and online to try and find local adoption agencies. give each one a call and explain you situation and ask what their policies are and what you need to do to start the adoption process. most of the time they will want you to come in and speak to an adoption adviser/counselor and then they will help you choose a family and make other choices such as if you want an open or closed adoption what compensations will be paid if any ect. your best bet is to meet with more than one agency and then pick the one you like best. if you have any other questions or want more info please feel free to e-mail me (e-mail is on my profile)

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