Question About 'Open Adoption'?

Gershom

If people like heather let people like noodles detour her from her truth in adoption advocacy then there would never be any change. We'd still have sealed records in 50- 100- 150 years.

Imagine if women let men continue to supress us, and we never achieved the right to vote. Imagine if they just shook their heads and allowed the "discrimination" to continue.

Imagine if Rosa Parks never sat in the front of that bus.
Imagine if Martin Luther King never spoke out, imagine if he never "had a dream."

Heather, do not EVER let people like noodles supress you. Your voice, has a reason, has a cause, you are an essential part to the Adoption Revolution.

Excellent question. Makes an excellent point. One i'm sure not every yahoo answers reader has thought of.

Isn't it every 1 out of 4 adoptions in the US are step parent adoptions...why are their records sealed? Many of those children know their biological father already.

In california, only after '83 are records opened because thats when open adoptions became more "popular." Thats when names began being exchanged etc. The state trys using this as a reason to keep mine sealed since I was born in '80.

They say my mother "could" have been promised secrecy.
She wasn't. I know her. I've read her papers. I've read my aparents papers. There is NO promise of secrecy.

Even if there WAS. What business is it of the courts to uphold a promise through a non profit agency? Courts aren't in the business of upholding unlawful promises made by third parties unaffiliated w/ the states.

AND if there really WAS a promise of secrecy, upholdable by the courts, then WHY are the adoptees given the option of petitioning the courts for their records? Lets pretend that the promise of secrecy really was a legal thing to do. And now pretend that your mother sealed your file, because it was her right. That would illiminate all possibility of us even being able to petition, because she's permanently sealed it and nothing can change that except her.

So just by giving us the option to petition is really an admittance that there is no promise of secrecy.

And lets not forget the thousands of mothers, including my own, who have come forward saying they never were promised secrecy.

There are some though, who do want it. And to those I would say that giving us our records isn't a right to a reunion. Its a right to know the names of who we come from. Not the person herself, or himself. Opening our records isn't about reunion, its about equality, and civil rights. It doesn't guarantee reunion in the slightest. Sealed records isn't the witness protection program. My name wasn't changed to protect me from my natural mother / father / family. Nor was it changed to protect them from me. I am not a threat. My name was changed because my aparents wanted the baby "they" wanted, not somebody elses. It was about fullfiling "their" dreams at that point.

Our nation is terribly out of date in regards to adoptees and our access to our records. Not for long though thanks to people like Heather for asking good questions and taking this time to educate those who are willing to learn and listen.

peace!

a healing adoptee

I had an open adoption you could say. Going up i lived in the same small town as my other mother. We saw each other in passing before i moved away. Anyway, recently I wanted to see out of curiousity sake if I could get a hold of my original birth. What did i meet with?....A big brick wall-I was told that I had to get a court order to have my records unsealed. So..I believe that open adoption can mean there is contact with the birth mother, but it;s not the same as having open records!

Possum

Adoptions will never truly be 'open' until all records are open - and people come to understand what adoption should really be about for the child.

Adoption should be about caring for a child that can not live with their biological family.

It is NOT about wiping that child's former existence off the face of the planet.
It should NOT be about secrets and lies.
Adoptees have a history - a 'being' - before before relinquished and adopted.
They should be allowed to know all the truth of that 'being'.
It is THEIR truth to have. Not anyone elses.
And they should be allowed to know and love all parts of their families - if THEY so wish.
It's about the CHILD.
Sadly - too many adoptive parents think it's just about them.

julie j

That's a good question Heather. It highlights an important common misconception that the general public does not generally understand.

Open adoption and open records are two entirely different things! Open adoption refers to some contact through out the child's life, maybe letters, pictures, calls, visits. The natural mother can select the home where her child will go.

However, regardless of open, semi or closed adoption, ALL adoptions today have permanently sealed records! That means regardless of both sets of parent's wishes, the state issues a fake birth certificate and the original birth certificate is sealed away. It is NOT opened when the child turns 18, 21, or any other age. It would take a court proceeding to unseal adoption records even in OPEN adoption!

The only way to correct this is through state legislation. 8 states in the U.S. have either never had sealed record laws or have recently restored adoptee's rights to their own birth records. I would like to encourage everyone to write to their state representatives about introducing laws that would rectify this injustice towards adult adoptees.

Thank you for asking such an important question.

julie j
reunited adoptee

Joy M

I don't know, I guess to keep it in line with all the closed adoption, it doesn't make much sense, but neither does falisfying birth records in the first place.

Noodles: I am sorry you have the burden of so much anger in your life. I hope that you can find a way to deal with it, as it is not good for children to always be around angry people, my adoptive father had a problem with rage too, and trust me it is very difficult to live with a parent with anger problems.

Adoptionissadnsick

Open Adoption is a marketing concept, not an actual enforcable reality.

red&sassy

because "open" adoption is a lure that is used to bait vulnerable women into giving their children away. it's an empty promise. if pregnant women knew that, they would probably make a different choice.

lies and secrets destroy people. adoptees have every reason in the world to know where they come from. there's power in knowledge.

best wishes.

BTW.... GREAT QUESTION!!!!!

Isabel A

Great question Heather.

Many people are not aware of the fact that most so-called "open adoptions" are not legally binding in any way.
The adoptive parents can close most open adoptions at any time for any reason.

Most "open adoptions" are actually closed adoptions in disguise.

Mary G

As has been mentioned only 8 states have open records, and that is a sad, sad thing. Everyone deserves the right to know who they come from and where they come from. It is every human beings right to know those things.

Now about "Open Adoption", open adoption is mostly a lie told to gullible mothers who truly believe that they will always have a place in their childs life. In many, many cases the "open adoption" is closed as soon as the ink is dry on the adoption decree. Mostly I think (JMHO) because the adoptive parents can't deal with the fact that their "child"actually has another mother and family who wish to have an on-going relationship with the child. How sad that so many believe that relationship will negate their love and parenting! How wrong is that. They do not understand that the best thing they can do for their "children" is to include us and make it even better for the child involved. The very thing that can assure them of a happy, healthy child i something they are terrified of. Closed records insure that for them, not for those of us who want nothing more than a link to our lost children. That would give anything to know they are ok, that they are loved and happy!

Guh I may rant if I don't stop! So.....

Noodlesmycat- you are sad, sad little person. You blocked me for what reason? I told the truth and you didn't like it. Big surprise you are here knocking Heather who speaks the truth and wants to know to the answers we all want. Shame on you, you big bully! Nasty minded, mean spirited, ignorant git!

Andraya

Cam you are so very wrong about natural mother's always having the original birth cert. I have neither my son's cert or registration. Here in Alberta you have to pay for a BC and I was a struggling single mom. I just didn't have an extra $50 laying around. The birth registration is sent to vital statistics and is sealed from there once the adoption goes through.

***I don't get the thumbs down for stating a truth. Feel free to look up Alberta adoption laws if you would like. Maybe make a phone call to the adoptions department of the provincial government, lemme grab you a phone number. While you are at it call vital statistics and request a copy of the birth registration for Justin Gage Andrukonis, Dob- November 29, 1994. Do you think I am being deceitful? And before I am jumped on for putting his name up there think about this. Justin Gage Andrukonis DOESN'T EXIST anywhere but my own mind. This person ceased to exist the day that adoption order came into play.

Does that sound like an "open" adoption to you? Adoption is adoption, a child looses it's identity no matter how you stack the cards.

punxy_girl

As an adoptive mother, I would like to see open records because I think that this is in the best interests of my daughter. I do not feel I can speak for any birthmothers, however. I know the vast majority are for open records, but I don't know if the ones who are not should be given the choice whether or not to keep the records closed. I guess the real concern is whether those mothers (the ones who want closed records) would abort if they knew the records would be open and their child could potentially find them someday. I think as our society becomes less condemning of motherhood outside of marriage though, there will be less and less of the desire on their part to keep records closed.

lahdh4

Cam, hate to tell you that that is a misconception. I don't have a copy of her OBC. I have an amended copy and it is full of lies and that isn't even her final amended BC which is also full of lies.
It is not a trully open adoption if she cannot get her records.

lina

I think that open adoption means that the records are not closed. They used to be closed. But now it is all open. In the past a person from a closed adoption could apply for their own birth certificate but it would be dated the year that they applied and they would give the names of their adoptive parents. I know because I was adopted by my dad, and I know many cousins, friends who were adopted, and my husband and I looked into adoption ourselves.

Cam

Even IF records are sealed, the birth mother has the original birth certificate. So in the case of open adoption, I don't see the problem.

noodlesmycat

Heather,
You know why? They've had to seal them because of you. You'll never let anything rest, that's why!!!!!!!!
This is another one of your "baited" questions that you thumbs down whomever disagrees with you. You already know the answer you want. You are a broken record and just like the ugly, jealous step-witch in Sleeping Beauty: "Mirror, Mirror on the wall..." . You just like to hear yourself talk. I see your same answers about 'open adoption' here time and time again. Aren't you bored asking the same thing over and over again and getting the same answer every single time? IMHO, you just want to keep this forum in a perpetual state of war.

Added: Heather, I just looked at ALL of your questions. I've got to go to sleep now; it was so boring and redundant. It IS the same one over and over again and it IS ALWAYS one of your gang that you give the best answer to. I pity you that you have nothing better going on in your life than harassing those who disagree with you. From the first question you asked, someone had your number, called a spade a spade and said that you are "pathetic". I have to agree. You haven't learned a single thing since.

HM so aptly said to you "You're not so much asking a question as looking for affirmation of something you believe. Pathetic!".

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: