Question.. I was thinking about something. ?

Jennifer L

Yes, I think it is incredibly rude and demeaning. Equally as rude and demeaning as the "have you thought about adoption".

ETA: I just think it's pretty insensitive when a questioner talks about how much they love their baby and desperately want to raise their baby, then someone else says, "Well, maybe it's not too late to have an abortion."

Yeah, love the double standard here.

MamaKate

Dear Shelly,

"Just wondered if that seemed as crazy to anyone else as it does to me"

Yep. Crazy to me too. And rude. And judgmental. And presumptuous.

IMO, NOT acceptable - and I am PRO-CHOICE. I just happen to believe the choice belongs to the people who have to live with it.

I would suggest NEITHER abortion nor adoption to someone else. These are PERSONAL decisions and the only involvement others should have is educating and supporting those who have to make that decision.

Laurel J

Pregnant women have brains. To ask them whether they've thought about their options, or to suggest one option over another, is condescending and insulting.

monkeykitty83

In my opinion, both are offensive.

I'm pro-choice, but if a woman has decided to carry to term, I support her CHOICE. I don't think it's right to pressure someone to abort a wanted child; even though I do think abortion itself should stay legal, that doesn't mean it should be considered the best option. I believe in a woman's right to choose NOT to abort, as well, as should any person who is truly in favour of reproductive choice.

Nor should adoption be suggested for a child who is loved and wanted. Instead, constructive suggestions are needed about how to make the practicalities work.

I think pushing either abortion or adoption for a wanted pregnancy is wrong and coercive-- not because adoption and abortion are equivalents of each other, but because both types of pressure in different ways trespass on a woman's rights to make her own reproductive and parenting choices. If a woman says she loves and wants her baby, we should take her at her word, and work from there.

bash

I guess you'll have to define a 'crisis pregnancy' for me. To ME, a 'crisis pregnancy' is where the mother's life/health may be in jeopardy by carrying the child to term. In that case, I would certainly talk to her about the possibility of her having to consent to abortion if she were a friend/family member.

In ALL other cases, I don't think there is a 'crisis'. While I certainly support her right to choose to have an abortion, I would NEVER recommend abortion or adoption to any mother who wasn't having serious health problems due to her pregnancy.
If you mean by 'crisis' that she can't afford to care for her child or doesn't have the support that she needs, then no, I wouldn't support or promote adoption or abortion. If she loves and wants the child, then I would move heaven and earth to help her to have all available resources and support that she needs to care for her child.

Not Adopted

Yes, I do find it troubling to ask that question. A woman experiencing an unexpected pregnancy has thought about every possible outcome. That's why I find the suggestions for either abortion or adoption to be unnecessary....everyone has already heard of them, women are not living in caves.

Hannah H

I find both as distasteful as each other. I'm pro life but I think it's far better to follow the lead of the mother to be so if she raises options then just be supportive.

When my parents found out I was pregnant they were furious I deliberately made sure it was too late to have an abortion as I wanted to raise my baby so they coerced me into surrendering my son. For me personally it ruined my life emotionallyand it took me a long time to forgive my parents. What helped is that I now have a good relationship with my son yet they are missing out because they don't want to know him.

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

As I'm usually odd man out here...
I've done both. As sad as it is...I feel worse knowing I killed my child rather than the one I gave life to and gave away.

Let the thumbs down reign..... :)

Serenity71

yes, she might want her baby but is just going through doubts that are normal. None has the right to make those kind of choices for someone else.

mom to be

Seems crazy to me. The first time I read it that abortion would be encouraged over adoption I was shocked. I do not think that is the opinion of most people on here, just a couple. Unfortunately, the opinions like that are the ones that stick with you.

red elephants

Its not just you. Its beyond words. I could not believe the first time I read that on here. Many thinking its an absolute horror for anyone to even mention adoption as an option but then in the same breath suggest an abortion should be considered.

sunny

Yeah, that was me.

And I'm actually not "anti-adoption" but a family preservationist. If she can't manage to keep her family together, then I believe that she should do the *kind* thing, and have an abortion.

Many adoptees would have rather been aborted, including me. What's so awful about wanting families to stay together? No one can replace a child's mother.

Oh, and she added the "in love with it" bit after my answer.

Independ"ant"

Was that part of one of my responses...sounds like it.

Yes...it was very insensitive and hypocritical....just like telling a girl to give her child to stranger(adoption).....although lets get real(in the cases where women do not want to be pregnant...abortion is the least painful choice).

My hypocrisy in that post was a slip from my early years of being exposed to "Religion and Christianity".

cantstopLinnyG

I find adoption more offensive than abortion.

Abortion=simple medical procedure. Minimal pain. And a rightful choice any woman has.

It has nothing to do with adoption. You cannot adopt a mass of tissue which has been surgically removed.

Adoption= horrendous pain to the first Mom, and a lifetime of hurt for the adoptee.

I had an abortion, the physical pain lasted about 7 minutes. I am 43 years old and still feel the pain from my relinquishment.

I am pro-choice, and that means INFORMED choice. Unplanned pregnancies do not have to end in termination OR adoption. But they're both PERMANENT endings.

ps- The number one reason I had an abortion was because I WAS adopted.

Indian-vision

Shelly if some one is in crisis pregnancy and hates the situation, doesn't feel maternal a bit, is pissed of with her pregnancy and her unborn child. IS CONSIDERING ABORTION- I would rather suggest adoption than abortion.

If any one in crisis pregnancy says "I wish i could keep this baby.....but i don't think i can" ......I would counsel her ways to support her child and keep the pregnancy.

No i am pro- choice !!!!!!!! BUT i don't advise people to get abortions over adoption . And i think its unethical to do so.

ABORTION SHOULD BE THE LAST CHOICE PICKED BY A WOMAN IN CRISIS PREGNANCY !!

Crisis pregnancy advise should be in these steps-
1) This is how you can keep the baby and support your self. I would vehemently support her choice and do everything to help. Only if this fails...........
2) Consider adoption
3) Consider abortion.

ETA- Flying monkeys and their TD's. LOL !!

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