Question about adoption or... =[?

Kimberly

Honey, if you really love this baby, then you will regret putting him up for adoption. But if you're serious about it, there are things you need to think about. Do you want it to be an open adoption? Meaning the baby will know he's adopted and will get to visit with you, and call and keep you updated on his life. Or do you not want him to know he's adopted? This meaning you will not have a part in his life until he is old enough and decides he wants to see you...given the fact that he finds out about the adoption. Having a baby will be hard, but in my opinion, giving the baby up after you've carried him for nine months, giving birth to him and seeing him look into your eyes for the first time...that would be so much harder than taking care of the baby yourself. There are government programs out there that take care of single mom's and their babies. They will put you in an apartment, with food stamps, government aide...all sorts of help if you want it. Good luck, and I hope you make the right decision for your baby.

Flying Monkey #073177

Oh wow. There must be so many things running through your head. I was in a similar position at 17. I've never come across an agency that was totally ethical but I really don't suggest looking online in this way. At least with an agency you know there were homestudies done and some screening. Online you know nothing, just what you read on a computer screen. This is a VERY risky way to find adoptive parents, PLEASE don't respond to the emails you must be getting, you have no way of knowing what type of person is contacting you.

Read this pamphlet and get your self informed about the ways agencies use coercion to get babies.
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

Try not to make any rash decisions and find someone you trust to talk to. Maybe a counsellor at school or your parents. There is ALWAYS time to choose adoption, even if you try parenting for a while first.

kitta

Britt,

If you love your baby now, then you will always love your baby, and your love for your baby will continue to grow. You will want to be with your baby and you will feel the bond with this child.The bond is forever.

As your child grows, you will be the mother of a developing human being in every stage of life.

You are 19, and that is old enough, and you are being a good mother already.

The couples who long for a child do not need your child. Your child needs you. If you really want this child, then strongly consider raising this child, regardless of the situation with the father.

I agree with the poster who suggested that you read the CUB booklet. .

There are absolutely NO guarantees if you go with adoption. At least half o

myst1998

Sounds like abortion is out of the question seeing as you are so attached to this baby already. KEEP THIS BABY... putting him/her up for adoption will hurt you (and your child) more than you will ever know. Sure raising a child on your own is no walk in the park but many people (single mums/dads) do it with several so it cant be too bad.

Your baby is a part of YOU, not just the father and they way you raise this child will make a difference to the way he/she turns out. Don't let fear get the better of you and make you choose something that you may regret the rest of your life. RESEARCH adoption thoroughly. Adoption is for children who have NO parents... this child already has a mother so really it isn't the answer.

tattooedgemini

keep your baby. you are an adult. there are support systems in place to help people in your situation. talk to a counsellor before you make any decisions. i had my daughter when i was 17 and still in highschool. i thought of giving her up but i love her so much and i'm glad i didn't. she is truely a blessing. you have support from your mother maybe she will help you out by watching the baby while you are at school. there are also government funded daycares and everything. i was still able to graduate high school and go to college after i had my daughter. things just took a little longer than i originally planned. i had to make a lot of sacrifices when it came to wanting material things in order to provide for her but i have learned what is really important and that is family. think about it before you rush into anything out of anger for the father and fear of poverty. money will come if you work hard at it and well, sad to say, a lot of kids have deadbeat dads or dads that aren't around(like my daughter). in my opinion if you are capable of raising a child then the baby would be better off with you than with an adoptive family, regardless of financial problems or having an 'evil' dad.

Anha S

People keep giving you an option of open adoption. For the most part, you can't enforce it. They could slam the door in your face the day after you hand them the baby, and you would have absolutely no recourse. That said...

I was 18 when I had my first daughter, fresh out of highschool, working in the military. It was hard, but I've never regretted it. I got pregnant with my 2nd daughter at 20, had her at 21. I was just finishing up college at that point. Its never easy, but it is entirely doable.

If you dont want to make a mistake (and Im pretty sure most new moms of any age are afraid of making mistakes) make sure that you make an informed decision that isnt based off of fear. You've already been given the link to CUB, which is a very informative piece. Please avoid pre birth matching, and spend some time with your baby after birth to make sure that you are making your decision free and clear. Also, I'd avoid the internet as a source for adoptive parents, I'm not down with agencies either but they at least require background checks.

Lori A

I have not read the other answers. If you love this baby (which I know you do just by hurt in your post) then seriously consider following through with the plan to have this child and raise them. What you think of the father is of no importance right now. You thought he would be a good father at one point and he may just be scared and acting out.

THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES IN LIFE that you will not have to raise your children alone. You knew that. The thought of the unknown is what is scaring you. Your young, in college, financially challenged, and you have no man to lean on. It is all minor stuff compared to what you are about to go through for the rest of your life if you give this child away.

I have been sick lately and am too exhausted to write this out right now. If you would like to hear what life is like without your children email me. But be fore warned, it's not a pretty tale I will tell and I will spare you no expense at driving home my point. The guilt almost killed me. I strive for women in your position to make INFORMED decisions.

My own experience with adoption may have been a long time ago, but the one thing I have noticed through talking to women who have recently surrendered is that the suffering has not changed. Mine lasted 28 years. I really think you need to hear what I have to say. In the end if you still surrender your child you will haave done it more informed than if not.

Live and surrendered in Michigan

kittens1377

I agree with some people here. 1. DON'T OPEN OR REPLY TO EMAILS YOU GET ONLINE- too many crazy people out there. 2. Sounds like you should keep the baby, you sound attached and you may regret giving him/her up later. things have a way of working out. there is assistance programs form the state until you get on your feet. take the "father" to court to pay child support and have faith in yourself your an adult you can decide for your self and think about all the things you will be sad about missing out. walking, talking, many firsts all the things that are great about being a mom. I had two kids at 21 and i always though what if i can't have anymore kids then i would want to hold on to my current kids forever. Just a thought good luck and be care full who you trust online.

laina

look in the paper.they have lots of couples advertising and also agencies. If you truly feel that your child would be better off, go for it. You can have an open adoption so that you can stay in contact with your child and be a part of his/her life.

Ask Me

How about talking to friends or close relatives both on your side and of the fathers side. Maybe, they have the heart to take on the responsibility. Just remember, don't let college or your age keep you from being a mother. Please think about the decision you are making, it would affect you now and in the future and it would also affect your child. Your child will always be a part of you no matter who is the adopting parent. Good luck and Best wishes.

lorigiggles82

I live in Indiana and after a nightmare with a lawyer, found a good couple through a church. Go to a pastor or whatever that denomination calls them and ask about families willing to adopt. You can decide if you want to stay involved with the child and all that.

Good luck and you are going to hurt but it is much better to give to adoption than to abort!

Beth K

I think you are already making wonderful and loving choices for your child. To even consider this option you should be commended. There are many resources online to help you, I have listed a couple under resources, but you can also check with your local hospital as they will also have resources for you. Another resource is Planned Parenthood and adoption attorneys.

One of the most amazing option in today's society is that you can have an open adoption where you can still be somewhat involved with the baby yet not have the full responsibility. You won't be the Mom but this might be something to consider so that you are able to watch the baby grow.

Kudos to you for thinking about the long term.

hotwheels122287

i totally respect you for your decision. it can be hard when the people we think we love back down on something so great yet so innocent.... i am glad that you have not decided an abortion. good for you :) unfortunately not knowing where you live i cannot help you with a specific adoption agency... but i wish you luck in your life

poor thing. well im glad you are being responsible and loving enough to make this decision. most people couldnt be that strong in your position

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