Question for all Birth Mothers....?

LindseyTaylor

As for you using the phrase birth mothers....it's not offensive in and of itself, I actually used to be proud to say birthmother. To me it described the wonderful and magical thing that only I was able to do for my daughter...give her life. What is greater than that? It's better than any gift anyone else could ever give her... BUT the way that other people use the phrase, like these women are birth machines and their only purpose is to make children for them...it's made the word so dirty that it's sad...I understand you didn't mean it in that way but alot of people do so it's best to just stay away for the sake of people's feelings.

As for your question...Was it in my daughters best interest? Yes. Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again...yes.
My daughter was a child of rape (which didn't make me love her any less...it wasn't her fault) and I was just out on my own with no family to speak of (literally no help at all). I was dealing with way more than I could handle emotionally and financially, it took me a number of years to learn the things I needed to know and figure out how to take care of myself, all by myself. I was in no position to take care of a child, it was a very hard time in my life... I know in my heart I couldn't have handled it. But that doesn't mean I don't reget it...if there was any way to change things I would in a heartbeat....

Prettygirl

In my situation, I was expecting my second child and was a full time college student. I had no support from the father, nor was I able to acquire employment at the time. I am the product of a single parent household. I knew that the difficult situation would be compounded with the addition of another baby. So, it was with a heavy heart that I decided to proceed with placing my girl up for adoption. I was fortunate that I was able to pick her family. Everytime I think about how much I miss her or question my decision, I think about the fact that she had 2 huge parties for her 1st birthday, and how she is adored by her mother and father. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts, and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't wish she was with me. I made that decision for her, and my hope is that one day she will look for me so that I can tell her how much I love her and that I never, ever, ever stopped loving her.

I can see how some would take offense, because during that process, I lost the few that were close to me. I never imagined that so many could be so cruel at a very vulnerable time. I'm done with letting it hurt me, and have accepted the fact that there are some who will never understand or approve it. To me, it is the most unselfish way. It would have been so easy to do the "other thing", but it was not her fault, nor did she ask to come here. Her life is important to me. PLEASE PLEASE don't get me wrong, if you go the "other route", then that's on you. I'm human, so I have no place to judge. I seriously considered it too.

It has taken me a long time to be able to talk about it without getting weepy, and even longer to share it with others. My daughter is 6 years old. I hope that someone out there will read this and know that they are not alone. I also hope that someone will read this and not have to make this decision.

Matt, thank you for asking the question. I've held this close to me for so long. :'D

Pip

Matt ~ I don't like the term birth mother BUT I do believe you don't mean to be offensive so wont get into that debate and appreciate the gesture.

I do regret and will always regret not having the knowledge I have now. If I did 29 years ago there is no way my son would have been adopted as I would have been able to stop the adoption. I also regret not raising my son.

I'm not saying I could have given my son a better life, it would have just been different.

Auxxie

I don't find the term birth mother offensive and I'm still not sure how it is offensive in any way.

I found myself pregnant at a young age and I was deathly afraid of being a mother but I refused to have an abortion. I still lived at home with my mother and I was not close to being able to take care of a child. After a lot of thought and help from my family I was able to make a decision I knew was best for everyone...including my unborn baby. I have an aunt that could not have children, she had adopted a son 7 years prior to me getting pregnant and was desperately wanting another child. I had not thought much about adoption as this too worried me because I didn't want the baby to end up with just anyone. I had an open adoption with my aunt, her and her husband went through all the same protocols as a normal adoption and we were very open and talked throughout the pregnancy and when I gave birth to him seeing the joy on her face was like seeing nothing I had ever seen before. Some of you might think I didn't share joy in his birth but I did..it was just another form of joy.

My son is 8 years old now and lives a life most children only dream of. I feel sad and regret at times but when I visit them and see pictures of them it makes all of those feelings disappear. I believe that I am a strong woman, I gave life to a child and hope to good people.

I believe the saying everything happens for a reason. As an infant my son was also diagnosed with a genetic eye condition which he has had multiple surgeries on. I find it a blessing that he has all the best doctors and help...I look back and ask myself could I have given him all he needed? He's where he should be, I know this for sure.

Lisa C

I am completely amazed by these woman and their courage. Humbled. Thank you for sharing.

snowwillow20

I regret giving my child up. I regret that our families thought we had shamed them. I regret that being an unwed mother was such horrifying thing to be. I regret putting myself in that situation. I regret the first 29 years that I missed with my daughter. It doesn't bother me to be called her birthmom, but she just calls me Susan. I've been in reunion since 2001 and we are both happy that I searched and found her, but she has a Mom so I will be her friend.

Katherine

I am a birth mother. Our daughter was two when I had an unplanned pregnancy. We went through an attorney who specialized in adoption, because we didn't want the baby to be in foster care before being adopted. All the agencies put them in foster care in case the birth mother changes her mind and wants the baby back. The baby's adoptive (and real, by the way) mother went through labor and delivery with me. The baby went home with her real mother the next day. We had twins three years later, on the birthday of the girl we gave up for adoption. I am not that girl's mother. I was a vessel that delivered her to her mother. She is 25 years old today, and we are friends on Face Book. I made the right decision. I have no doubts.

Carol c

It was not in my son's best interest to be adopted. Of course I regret that I wasn't able to be with my child and if I could do it over again, I would grab that baby and run.

I don't care for the term "birth" mother either. I call myself mother, first or natural mother or a mother of adoption loss. It is offensive to many of us so why use it.

Sunny

Haven't you been around here long enough to pick up on the offensiveness of that term?

One wonders if you're doing it intentionally...

My natural mother had no "choice", so there wasn't "regret" just profound sadness.

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