Question for parents that have adopted a baby or child.?

cantstopLinnyG

What about the person whom adoption affects the most? The adoptee?

Dear Blood Parent:

Pick us, pick us! Our baby, oops, we mean, your baby, will have a pony, a pool, and Baby Gap clothes.

We live in a ginormous house, and have good jobs, and will be able to give our baby, oops, we mean, your baby, everything you can't. Well, except a sense of belonging and their true heritage. But hey, those things don't count, because we luuuurrrrrrvvvee our baby. Oops, we mean YOUR baby.

Jesus was adopted, so we think you should choose us. Enclosed you will find a WWJD bracelet.

Love, Forever Mommy and Daddy
**************************************...

Yeah. That letter was about as ridiculous as EVERY letter sent to a vulnerable young mother to be. Coerce much?

Newborn adoption is nothing but human trafficking.
Adoption does NOT guarantee a better life, only a different life. It is NOT normal to be separated from one's natural family, and will cause an adoptee a lifetime of pain. The ONLY children who NEED homes are foster children. Period.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html
http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php
http://www.amfor.net/acs
http://www.origins-usa.org
http://www.babyscoopera.com
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/the_primal_w...
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....
http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/
Books:
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND
Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton
Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner
Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky

? issues

I want to start off by saying wow, I have never seen so many hateful and sinful answers in one question before. As far as putting Jesus in your letter I think its a great idea. The whole purpose of the letter is the let them know who you are. You are christians so put that. I think not putting it would be denying God. Also if you know your bible you know that God will choose what is best for you if you ask him, and if putting a reference to Jesus in there stops them from wanting to choose you then it wasn't meant to be. Pray on it and definitely put what you want in there.

BLW_KAM

Dear Renee,

Yes, I wrote a "Dear Mother" letter. In fact I wrote it and rewrote it and rewrote it and fought with our social worker about it.

We wrote about the kinds of jobs we had, the things we love to do in our spare time, our family, our love of vacations, our pets and what we thought we could offer a child.

If Jesus is important to you then write about him. Be true to yourself. Don't let anyone talk you into editing your personality or beliefs out of the letter.

We had a war with our social worker because I wanted to include a caricature of the two of us as our "signature". She threw a fit and said it wasn't serious enough. I reminded her the letter was supposed to represent who we were, not who someone thought we should be.

Our daughter's natural mother told me she liked the letter because of the humor and the picture of us playing volleyball. As it ended up, volleyball is her favorite sport!

Make a list of the things you are passionate about (cooking, learning, Jesus, working out, volunteering, music, golf, horses, etc). Then write about them. Be honest, be human and ask your friends and family to give you feedback. But mostly, be true to yourself.

ETA: For those who may not be aware, these letters are kept on file at the agency and shown to expectant woman to help them decide if they want to meet the PAPs. They are similar to a resume.

AdoreHim

First of all, do not listen to Dan- as a fellow Christian, we all know how special adoption is to our God- He Himself adopted us, through His Son Jesus Christ. My husband and I have 2 adopted children- now 17 and 20. Before they were born we did write a letter to their birth moms. I was able to share that I was adopted as well. We also shared that we are Christians. I would absolutely share your faith- because that way , the birth mom may decide she would like you be the parents of her baby, because of it- but if not, at least she would know that before she placed him/her. I would share what is important to you. They are not as interested in where you live as how you live. Share your interests. And share why you want to adopt a child. Our 2 birth moms actually said, it was the simplicity of our letter, and our faith that made them make the decision to place their babies with us. There will be a birth mom out there that will see something in that letter, and it will spark them to pick you. I hope you don't get too many negative comments here. I have in the past, good luck and may God bless you- and never forget that God is the one that is going to place just the right child in your home.

HappyMomAnna

We did not have to write a letter to our children's mother. But, we did need to write a letter to the Committee after we were able to review some of the information about their history and personalities. We were asked to give information about why we believed we would be food parents for our 5 year old daughter and her little brother.

We were also asked to create a photo album or scrap book about our community, home and family so the children could look at it when they were still in their foster home while the appeal period passed if we were selected to become their adoptive placement.

As far as the family you are and how your child would be raised--everything is relevant. If you will be living a Christian home and that will be part of your child's life then of course, include this information. There are a lot of different people on this earth and You know that God is in charge so--the mother or the state and the children should know too--if you ask me. And why wouldn't you include something so important.

Our children were adopted from foster care and their mothers rights had been terminated but she was still honored by her request they be placed in a home with a particular faith. It was her request and we fit with it so.

If it isn't a big part of your life and something that won't affect the child then it really won't need to be mentioned.

Sofiakat

We wrote a letter AFTER the adoption was going to be finalized telling her that we would not and could not ever erase her, that we would keep her memory alive and that we would help the kids find her when they turned 18.

Randy B

With either of our adoptions we've never had to do a letter such as this. Our first adoption was international and our second was through foster care so may thats why. It seems that others have had to though. If it was me though, regardless of my personal faith, I'd steer clear from the religious allegory in the event that the birth parents do not share your particular faith or beliefs. Not that it should be hidden at all but it may conflict with their beliefs or lack of beliefs.

Independ"ant"

http://www.amfor.net/KillerAdopters/

I doubt the natural parents of these kids even got a death certificate.

**Mija**

my opionion dot put anything religious they might be from a totally different relligion that u and it might upset them that their kid isnt getting brought up like they would want them to. i would suggest saying thanks for the oppertunity and that their kid will be brought up in a good home and will have the best child hood possible

hope it helps!!!

Dan B.

instead of trying to extract a baby from its REAL mother, maybe you should think about what jesus would want--the child to be with its family. maybe G-d has decided that you are not meant to be a mother, so why are you pushing it? jesus wanted to be with his REAL father, remember? i would suggest you consider WWJD? he certainly would not try to trick a mother with a decptive letter, why does that seem like a good idea to you?

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