Question for people who've been adopted or involved in an adoption?

MamaKate

Dear Hopes and Dreams <3,

Love the screen name!

"In what capacity were you involved: adoptive parent or grandparent, adopted child, birth parent or grandparent?"

I had two children for "friends" (in quotes because they were my friends prior to the adoption but then choose not to uphold their promises) who could not have their own children. (That makes me a "birth"parent, but I prefer first parent if differentiation is necessary.)

"How do you feel about your/his/her adoption?"

I feel that the adoptions of my children were unnecessary. (I was/am a very capable parent - I thought I was doing something wonderful for people I cared deeply for by providing them the family they had been trying to create for ten years.) We had planned a very "open" adoption, but as they closed the adoption (without valid reason) over a decade ago, I don't feel good about it at all.

In case you didn't know, "open" adoptions are not enforceable. Many of us first parents were never informed of this but were promised continued contact with our children only to but exiled from our children's lives after the adoptions were finalized. It is just one of many things in adoption that needs to be reformed.

"How do you feel about adoption in general?"

I feel that there is a need for adoption in certain situations but adoption as a whole needs a great deal of reform. Adoption should be about finding families for children who need them, not the other way around.

"Anything else you'd like to include?"

I hope you will look back through the resolved questions and maybe read some of the links. Adoption is a very interesting topic and there is quite a bit about it that is very misunderstood or unknown to the general public. I think you will find a lot of useful information!

Good luck on your project! I hope that you get an A!

Peace. :)

cantstopLinnyG

I am adopted.

I love my a parents

My adoption did not give me a better life, only a different life.

I think the adoption industry is full of corruption, and only serves the needs of the agency owners and the adoptive parents who pay them.
I am morally opposed to International adoption as it strips the child of their identity, country and heritage. Children in other countries are often created through rape to sell to agencies for cash, they are also kidnapped from parents to sell to agencies.

I feel adoption should ONLY be a last resort option for a child, and only if there is no one in their family who can be their legal guardian.

If adoption IS necessary, then it should remain open, if possible, and at the very least, the child should have access to their original birth certificate.

Here are some helpful links for you.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
http://www.amfor.net/killers/
http://www.youtube.com/user/adoptedthemovie

International adoption links:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/outlook/2009-01-11/adoption/

http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2004/4/emw117838.htm

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12185524

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/outlook/2009-01-11/adoption/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27859660

Mei-Ling

Short Answer: I am a transracial adoptee and I dislike how adoption is done. I dislike that adoptive families are built on someone else's agony.

Long Answer: http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/2009/01/18/one-life-for-another/

rachael

i will TRY to be brief....i tend to get wordy

i am an adoptee. adopted at birth, i have no recollection of ever being with my bmom before i found her 9 years ago.

i feel that in my case the adoption was done for the right reasons and done the right way. i love my afamily and was given a wonderful and secure life.

adoption in general....now we have issues. it is a good idea that has gone awry. the 'industry' is all about the money. the BSE (baby scoop era) was a sickening display of that. babys stolen, lies told, so much pain and anguish from that time.
but it didnt stop there. the system is broken and needs serious repair. the lies continue and the treatment we as adoptees face is often downright disgusting.

i believe adoption can work...im living proof. but i know enough to also believe that i am a rare case.

Wundt

Adoptive parent of two through foster care

Given that they (brothers) were abused and neglected by the biological family, I feel very positive about the adopt and hope that as they get older they feel the same way.

There are many variables and types of adoption, some better than others. I do think that there are instances of coercion of bio mothers and profit taking buy agents and lawyers. However, I do feel there is a need for adoption in our society and that there are ethical means which provide the best for all involved.

Just a note to reiterate that there are many types and shades of adoption. Every situation is different and anyone who tries to apply their point of view to every case is wrong, no matter what their personal experiences were.

Be happy for who you are!!! â™¥â™¥â™¥â™¥

I was adopted and I am so glad that I was! My parents now are so nice to me! Before, I was with abusive parents. I don't really want to say what they did, but it was bad. My parents are treating me right and raising me to believe proper things. I think adopting is a good thing because it gives the child a better life. Hope I helped!

~kori

Emanon

I am adopted.

I am very grateful that I was adopted by such wonderful parents into a wonderful family.

Adoption in general is a very positive thing, every child deserves a loving home.

Adoption for the birth mother and father is a gift to their child.

snowwillow20

First mom.
Feel really crappy about giving my daughter up 37 years ago and I have lived with the guilt of it.
At the time I thought it was good, now i think it has a place if the parents are abusive or dead.

Lori A

I'm the casualty in rachael's (above poster) adoption. I am her first mother. Although it worked out well for my daughter, ours was a closed adoption and it was very very hard on me. Not knowing where your child is, whether they are all right or still alive, is not something I would wish on anyone, even though I signed the papers of my own free will.

She found me 9 years ago and we have been in close contact ever since.

Adoption in general isn't what it's cracked up to be. There are more hidden side effects than agencies are willing to admit.

My anything else that I would like to include is that after 9 years my daughters parents thought it appropriate to meet me face to face. Something I never thought would happen. They were scared and so was I. We enjoyed each others company and promised to do it again in the near future. Many things were discovered that day. Where her quirks and mannerisms come from, a visualization of the home she grew up in, the faces that kissed her good night, the face of the woman who made their life with their daughter possible, and much more. We are now extended family, and making room for each other in our lives.

Does this mean I promote adoption? Absolutely NOT. Adoption is no longer a last resort, it is now a multi billion dollar business formed off the tears and souls of the less educated, less financially resourceful, less fortunate, MOST of the time.

Snickette

I am an adoptee, and also an adoptive parent through foster care as well as a foster parent.

My adoption was necessary. I won't enter into specific details but my biological mother was not able to parent either me or any subsequent children. I had a loving and understanding family who were very open about my adoption. My feelings about my adoption are very positive.

I feel that some adoptions are necessary and in children's best interests. For example my youngest child, who is adopted from foster care has a sister who is in the care of their biological parents for the time being. Unfortunately she is not faring well and will most likely be removed soon. She has some problems that our son doesn't have due to more prolonged abuse and neglect. I don't feel that adoption should take place as much as it should but I definitely feel it can be a very positive outcome for the child when needed.

Daisey Duck

I am an adoptee. I think adoption is a good thing and unfortunately there will always be a need for it weather some like it or not.. I am very happy in my adoption and with my adoptive parents as they are my real parents. They were the ones there through thick and thin the ones who loved me raised me, stood by me.
There is a need for family's to adopt children weather it be from foster care or infant adoption. As there will always be some that can't or don't want to be parents. Sad but true.
I think the adoption industry as a whole has some problems that could be worked on.
You will always have some that no matter what the case is think that adoption is evil.
I am very thankful that there is a system to help those children get a family they so deserve. And as I said yes the system as a whole does have flaws, but doesn't everything if you look hard enough.

Dawn R

i am adopting 4 foster children.
i love these 4 children, we can not have children of our own. honestly i thought there was no way i could love someone elses child. but when i see my kids i see MY kids not anyone elses. they have the same mom but different dads. they are hispanic and we are white. however that plays no part in our feelings what so ever. i feel that there are so many children out there that need a safe and loving home. we are all human and deserve to have a good life. i feel we as humans and adults should help out if we can, children dont ask for what they get, as an adult you make your decisions but as a small child you have no say in who your parents are. so if i can give 4 children a loving home, why not???? they love being here and are thankful for a good home

kidmindi

In what capacity were you involved: adoptive parent or grandparent, adopted child, birth parent or grandparent?
I am both an adoptee and adoptive mother

How do you feel about your/his/her adoption?
I feel that my adoption was necessary, due to my birth mother's issues, however I wish my adoptive parents had handled things better. I was lied to about being adopted and when I found out I was told that my birth mother was a "wore" and I was lucky they adopted me or I'd be dead.

My daughter's adoption was also necessary due to her birth mother's inability to parent. I have done the opposite of what my parents did. Her birth mom is in constant contact with us and is able to visit any time she can (she lives in another state). I also send pix and updates to the bio grandma. My daughter will never be lied to about her adoption of made to feel that she must be grateful that I adopted her

How do you feel about adoption in general?
I think in some cases it is necessary. I do not think that young unmarried girls should be pressured to give up their babies just so the baby can "have a better life". If the girl truly wishes to place her child then, fine. But I think that she should be offered help to keep her child is she wants to.

Anything else you'd like to include?
Adoptions can be positive or negative experiences. Alot of it depends on how it is handled.

If you have anymore Q's or want more details, e mail me privately

Lina

I'm actually rather angry at my birth parents. I know that they put me up for adoption to protect me, but still. I'm grateful for my adoptive paretns though. I think adoption is good sometimes, bad sometimes.

bananarama

I am adopted
I am mixed about how I feel about adoption.
I was adopted from foster care. My natural mom lost me when i was 6 weeks old. I love my adoptive family more than anything they fought for me in court and was fianally able to adopt me when I was 2. The got me when i was 3 months old. Even though I am happy to be adopted and happy with my family and thankfull that they gave me opertunities I otherwise MIGHT not have had, I cant help but to feel sad and hurt also. They were able to give me all of this because I wasnt wanted somewhere else. People didnt feel as though they could take care of me. My bio grandma didnt want me and egncouraged her to forget about me. Obviously the only reason I was adopted was because no one else in her family wanted me either. I was at peace I thought but then I contacted her and found out what I thought was actually true. . She was not young or to young to have been able to care for me. She was an adult. I cant help but to feel somewhat inadequte now. I cant help but to feel that she didint want me, and her family didnt want me because I would be a constant reminder of what horrible decisions she made. Do I miss her, no. Do I wish she didnt let me go? Maybe, but then I wouldn't be who I am today and I wouldn't know this family that loves me like their own. Am I against adoption, no I think its great that people could open their hearts and homes to someone elses child. I dont agree with international adoptions Its not fair to that child to be stripped pf their culture. especially when there are so many children needing homes. Am I against adoption agencies? A little. They charge people for an infant and its not right. If people would open their eyes just a little and their hearts they would see that for the price they pay for an infant they could care for at leats 2 kids that need homes from foster care. I wish the only option for people to adopt was foster care then we wouldn't have all these lonely children waiting for homes. Overall Adoption is great and Fantastic, yes their are alot of emotional burdens you will deal with. But nothing in life comes easy. If you want something you have to work at it. thats life.

BLW_KAM

I'm an adoptive mom of a 10 year old girl. We have an open adoption with my daughter's natural mother including phone calls, e-mails, MySpace and face-to-face visits.

Although the approval process was lengthy (14 months), I'm happy we used the agency we did. I'm also glad we have an open adoption so my daughter knows her natural family and they know her. I'm concerned about my daughter's future emotional well-being. She knows she was the only one of four children placed for adoption, but the emotional impact of it hasn't hit her yet. She's still too young.

I'm a firm supporter of open adoptions. Unless the natural family poses a danger to the child, I believe all adoptions should be as open as possible.

There are many things wrong with adoption that need attention. These include coercion, abduction, lying, discrimination, lack of access to original birth certificates, greed, falsification of records, for profit adoptions, degradation of natural mothers (and fathers), adoptive parents who are not honest with their children, and those who do not support their children's search for their natural parents.

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