Questions about California Adoption (birth mother questions)?

Alright, well first and foremost please no rude comments or remarks. This is a tough situation as it is.

My husband and I were married last June and didn't plan on children but hey it happened. I am currently 26 weeks pregnant and we are going to be divorcing. We have chosen the path for adoption but the agency is sort of toying with us regarding exactly how much they will help. Well, we are in Hawaii and they are in California. My husband is demanding to be back payed for all of the expenses since we first started talking to this agency (Feb 1st).

First off, I am wondering are there are any limitations (amounts, etc.) for the birth mothers expenses in California such as max amount of maternity clothing, rent paid for, etc. All they will tell me is that they only cover expenses for the very end of the pregnancy. According to what I am reading online, this isn't state law.

Secondly, I am wondering what is the max amount of time they can pay for birth mothers expenses. I've seen it vary online from 4 weeks to 8 weeks but I've yet to find anything in specific for California.

Now, these things are very vital. When I moved to Hawaii to be with my husband our finances were totally whacked out and I pretty much got pregnant instantly. Due to our finances we couldn't afford for me to drive 45 minutes a day to downtown Honolulu so I could find a job that matched my skills then we had car issues, etc. Its been a really bad ride for both of us and then mix in with the adoption... We've decided to just call it quits. I do want to stay here until the pregnancy is over so he can see his child being born and meet it before its adopted but its imperative I get these answers so I can know legally what assistance I can and cannot get.

Any information is appreciated. Please no links that do not directly answer my questions.

Thanks much.
Additional Details
Personally I do not need links to tell me what I am doing is right. I was adopted myself and think its a wonderful thing.

Bodhi

I got this off an Adoption Law site - unfortunately it's in a .pdf without a separate URL, so I can't link to it here (but here's a cut and paste for California):

Medical, legal, counseling, living. No official
guidelines. Payments in connection with placement
for adoption or consent to adoption prohibited.
Misdemeanor to violate. Up to one year in jail and
$2500 fine if birthparent accepts payment with
intent to defraud. 2-4 years in prison for
sale/purchase of child. Prospective adoptive
parents required to offer $500 (or more by
agreement) to pay for independent representation
for the birthparent and to pay for three counseling
sessions upon request.

This also may help - it outlines Regulation of Adoption Expenses for California:

http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/california-laws,6.html

Secondly, and most importantly, find another agency. There should not be a single question that they will not answer openly, completely, and be happy to do so - to your satisfaction. If they fail in that regard, take that as a warning that something's wrong.

Best of luck to you!

birdiegirl

Augh I can't even answer this question. Good Lord.

cmc

we adopted in CA 3 years ago. Our agency didn't give us any hard limits. We did pay some expenses, but my daughter's mom didn't need too much, and we were only contacted by her 2 weeks before the birth. I know that any expenses paid have to be documented and recorded when the adoption is finalized. Some agencies may have their own policies about what they think should be paid. In large part because they don't want to be accused of selling children, but also because any money given has to be a gift, and even if you change your mind later (and keep the baby) the money doesn't have to be returned. So they may encourage families they work with not to pay too many expenses.

As for not choosing the family for your child, it isn't my business, but you might want to rethink that. You may not want to know about them now, but in the future you may change your mind and want some contact, pictures, or at least to know about them. My daughter's mom doesn't want ongoing contact, so we only met at the hospital shortly after my daughter was born. However she has our contact info if she wants to change things in the future, and my daughter will contact her when she is older.

ILiKeU

If I were you which I am not I would get another adoption agency. You might need to move back to California to get a good one. This whole thing about the agency not giving you clear answers does not make sense and sounds weird to me.

annamauria

You should research other adoption agencies. You are going through a very difficult time and it is important you feel safe and secure with the agency you decide. Adoption is very brave and you are giving the miracle of life to a family who may otherwise be childless. God Bless you and your search. But please, for your own sake... don't look for answers, here. Call other agencies.

grapesgum

FYI - I will share with you the same information that I share with adoptive parents - adoption is all about the child - not you.

Go get a job and support yourself as long as you are able. Go to social services for help to assure that your baby will be healthy and that you will have a safe place to deliver your baby.

gypsywinter

So you are looking to an adoption agency to support you 'financially' during your pregnancy. That is something you should have been doing all along, including your husband, whether he is living with you or not. This is his child too...and he is just as much financially responsible towards his unborn child, as you. Sounds to me like your husband is looking to make an easy buck off his own unborn child. The man is loathsome! If you are entertaining the same idea...then shame on you. You mention about your bills not being paid, notices, etc., why haven't you been working all along? I feel terribly sorry for your baby.

Philippa

Wish I could give you a nice, cosy, "I love adoption" answer but the pair of you seem money grabbers and neither of you appear to be thinking of your child.

Lori A

Maybe the reason you can't find anything concrete on your rights as an expectant mother and expenses is because there isn't anything concrete. These are classified as gifts, and from what I understand it is up to the discression of the people willing to give these gifts. It usually comes along with the pre birth matching.

As far as the agency toying with you, they might feel that you are toying with them. No offense really, but you do seem more interested in what you can get as opposed to where your child will end up, and this sort of thing happens all the time. It's devastating to the perspective parents who get scammed.

I have to say your story is very disappointing. You and your husband are going to cut your losses and go your separate ways because life got difficult. Imagine what this child is going to think when they grow up. No real reason other than no one was willing to tough out the hard times. I'm really sorry...... for your child.

snowwillow20

This is just so sad.

http://laws.adoption.com/statutes/california-laws.html

Heather B

Dump the husband. Dump the kid. Nice

And you want payment for the kid. Blech.

Badspe11er

private answer - email me.

JustAMonkeyWithANanna

I think that what you are doing is wonderful. Do NOT listen to the adoption FREAKS on here that will tell you to keep your baby they are just angry bitter people!! thumbs down me all day adoptees GET A LIFE!!

Felicita1

I am really wondering why it is necessary for you to surrender your baby to begin with? Children are not disposable items.

Do you really believe that you are going to have an unloved and unwanted baby once that child is finally in your arms, just because you no longer want to be married to the father? Why are you so intent on getting rid of your baby right at birth?

A decision about adoption can only truly be made once you have recovered from birth, after the hormonal storm of pregnancy and birth is over with. This takes several weeks post-partum. If, after that, you really do NOT love or want your baby, then that is when adoption would be a consideration. But, until then, why are you putting yourself on a path where you may not be able to 'back out" if you do indeed find you love your baby and want to keep him/her once he/she is born?

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