Questions for Mothers from the Baby Scoop Era, and others who were coerced into relinquishment?

Andraya

I guess that depends on who he is and where he is at. Since my son was adopted at an older age (3) I have to be sure that his mental and emotional health comes before anything else. I do plan to tell him that I fought for him and tried to get us both out of the mess I, and social services, had created. I'm not really sure how much I will tell him on my own but I will answer any question he might have with 100% honesty.

Bizzi

Checkmy last question (how ever long it stays up, never mind it was already deleted.. so I will post it below..) and you will understand the Baby Scoop Era never ended...

I am not a mother but a father... and if I ever find my stolen son and my stolen parents... I will let you know...

*Autumn, no problem. :)

Felicita1

Yes, i told my son immediately. I did not want him to be under ANY illusions that it was at all voluntary. I loved him and wanted to keep him. He had a right to know that he was stolen from me. And I had the right to tell him. The term "voluntary surrender" is entirely misleading when coercion eliminates the "voluntary" part. A coerced or manipulated "decision" is not a decision at all.

On another point related to this, no mother should "take responsibility for" an act that was forced upon her. To feel shame, blame, or guilt for your baby being taken for adoption, to "apologize" to your child as Nancy Verrier and others suggest, is like taking the blame for having been raped. Sorry, but no go. Haven't been through both experiences, I can tell you that there was the same amount of coercion and force used.

My son has found a great deal of peace and happiness in knowing that it was "not my choice" but instead knowing the details of how he was taken and why it happened (the waiting list for babies that the 'agency' responsible for the adoption had). He knows that he was not given away, "placed," or otherwise rejected by my choice. That means a great deal to him.

I have included some links below that talk about the lack of choice that many of us were given, plus one blog entry about reunions.

"The first thing the unmarried mother is likely to lose is her right to make important decisions. The agency or community tells her what she must do if she is to receive the services she needs . . . In most instances the plan for the baby is pre-determined. Often these matters are decided without her being able to state her own preferences." HELPING UNMARRIED MOTHERS, by Rose Bernstein, copyright 1971

Camira B

My son is only 7 months so I have a ways to go, but if I don't get him back, I will absolutely tell him how I was pressured and lied to. I will also tell him that I fought with everything I had to get him back. I'm in appeals court now, and if I lose, I'll go to the supreme court. If I lose there, I'll go camp outside the White House until some one listens to me. If all that fails, at least my son will know that he was loved and wanted more than anything on this earth, and that will be my truth.

dontknow86

Great Q. In march of this yr. My daughter called me.....We have emailed many times asked many Q. to each other but she hasn't asked me that? However I will not lie to her, ever ! I will tell her, My cold hearted, Hateful mom made me do this.

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