Raise or Adoption????

stormwarnfm

You really should get an appointment with a therapist to help you with this decision, as it sounds like your family isn't that supportive.

Do NOT seek a therapist through an adoption agency, because they will be biased toward wanting you to place your baby.

You DO know that you have the option to have the baby, and try your best to parent the baby, and then seek out an adoptive couple AFTER you've tried to parent, don't you?

I know this sounds anti-adoption coming from a woman who HAS adopted her children...but honestly...unless you're a deadbeat who keeps having children over and over and in abusive situations...there's really no reason to NOT give it your best shot first...and no one should think any less of you if parenting turns out to not be the best for you at this time.

I guarantee you this, though...if you place that baby with a family, the pain from losing your child will NEVER go away...and you will be filled with grief and guilt. Every birthday, you'll think of that baby...and every day, you'll always wonder "what if".

Your situation right now is temporary, and when you have a child, things open up to you that are not open to you right now (like better chances at college financial aid, public housing, health care) that are for mothers in your situation...to get them through this temporary time of hardship, and keep a family together.

You wouldn't have come here if you didn't care about your baby...so I can already tell you would be a loving mother. Please...consider giving it a shot.

Flying Monkey #073177

Adoption is NOT a guarantee of a better life. My amom died when I was 14 after a lengthy illness that left me caring for my younger brother, father and our house, my adad was abusive emotionally and physically.

It sounds to me like you want to raise your child. Do it, yes it is hard but unless you are 100% certain about adoption it will make your life a living hell.

I Love A Child With Autism!!!

Honey, you know what to do...it's in your heart. Read your own question...no where in there does it even remotely mention that you want to give your child up. It mention how you WANT him/her to be with you. Believe in yourself, you are what is best for your child. There are resources out there for you. Search high and low and get enrolled in whatever gov't programs you can. I am very sorry that you are not currently receiving any support, but that may change down the line too. If not, you are a strong enough woman to go it alone. Please don't feel pressure to give the baby due to temporary constraints. You will never be able to forgive yourself, it is easy to see how much you love your baby!

Possum

You can do this - you can parent your child.
Where there's a will there's a way.
I had a husband, and a home and money - and I was scared also.
That's what it's like to be pregnant - and wondering how the hell you're going to be able to look after another precious little life?!!
You can do this - and thousands have done so before you.
Fight for this child - that's what he/she wants you to do.
No child wants to be given away.
It hurts.

Here's a brochure written by women that were scared and pregnant - and thought there was no other way but adoption - but they weren't told what it would be all really like once you've lost that baby -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem.
I wish you and your baby all the best in the world.

IDK!!

"I am 18 years old, unemployed, single, living with a friend temporarily, no car, waiting until jan to start college and currently 19 weeks pregnant."

You will qualify for almost any assistance available.
food stamps
housing
cash assistance
medicaid
energy assistance
financial aid for college
baby sitting assistance.

talk to you county's human services they'll hook you up.

AdoreHim

I am an adoptee and have 2 adopted children and very pro-adoption, so you would think that i would encourage you to place for adoption. However, I am not going to do that. As I read your question and your additional comments, i can see that you are doing all you can to keep this baby- not once do i really hear that you want to relinquish. The whole thing boils down to what is right for the baby. If you really believe that you can raise him/her then by all means go for it. I have known several young girls, 16 years old that have gotten pregnant and have kept their babies and are wonderful and loving mothers. I am sorry to hear that you don't have any support though. To be honest that will make it a bit harder, but once again as i was reading this, I sense that you would make a wonderful mother. You still have some time to decide.

snowwillow20

Raise.

Mom of two

First, it doesn't matter if the father wants to be involved or not, he is legally required to pay child support. So he may not want to get involved, but his checkbook has to. What ever you decide isn't going to be easy, I love being a mom, but it is a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice. I know that I am a much better mom in my 30's than I could have been at 18. Adoption isn't easy either though, I feel like we have a good relationship with my sons' birth mom, but I know that she thinks about them every single day. The holidays and birthdays are always harder, but there isn't a day she doesn't wonder what if? I can't tell you what to do, I can only tell you to do what you feel is best for you and your child...not what someone else pressures you to do. Either decision is going to be life changing for both of you so make sure that it is YOUR decision.

Zoei A

You want the bay so bad...you know you do. And i believe that you can do it..maternal instinct will kick in..but if at anytime after you have it you feel like the baby would be mistreated or you would be unable to care for it you can always bring him/her to a shelter or orphange or adoption agency and they will find a good home for it....i think you should have the baby as your own and try if it does not work out then it doent work but you should at leats try.

KolleenRodgers90

There's alot to do for pregnant single working moms so as long as you get a job it wont be hard. They have Section 8 apartments (they aren't as nice as you could get but they are really good for ur situation) they are cheaper apartments for mothers and children. Then there's wic who helps you with baby formula,milk, and other kinds of food. also there's Food stamps that will help provide you with food for yourself and your kid to use. There's daycare valchures that as long as you are working (and even if you want to try and go to college) they will help you find a daycare for your kid and you get it at a cheaper price you just have to ask around and get on the i net and look at options for your state it all varies state to state. Also you can get medicaid for you and the baby for insurance.

opedial

You can find local resources in your area, and they can put you in touch with people who can help. Their are agencies who can help, and can also put you in touch with other women who have gone through the same situation and come out okay. Yes it will be hard, but you can do it. From your tone I can tell you want to keep your child so your answer is right there. Givng your child up because you think you won't be ablew to make it, well that's not good enough, because you can make it. LIve a healthy lifestyle, work your butt of to raise your child, yes it will be hard, but every day when you come home and see your child waiting, you will knwo it was worth it. This is my opinion of course, and as an adoptive parent, I would only ever adopt a child whose parent was truly unable to parent (through foster care).

Email me if you wish and let me knwo your area and I can come up with a list of resources close by.

Best of luck.

meb33

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that once the baby is born, you can also take the father to court and get child support. Not sure if that will help or not (if he doesn't make much money, it's not going to help much), but it's another avenue to pursue. If you want to make it work, you can, but it's not going to be easy.

My advice to you would be to do what you can now to find a job, which it sounds like you're doing. Save every dime and find out about every available program that is out there. WIC, food stamps, etc. Clothing and baby furniture could possibly be found through a local Freecycle group.

Good luck to you in what ever decision you make.

Jenny

Oh boy, you can only be the one to make your decisions, but i will tell as a birthmother who relinquished 21 years ago, it is not in the best interest of the child in my case. You need to think about what is in the best interest of you child , what you are going through is only temporary you can't see that now but really it is. I would recommend you reading blogs and find out all the information that you can about birthmothers and adoptees. I recommend reading through this site the link is below and is the truth.
http://www.originsnsw.com/mentalhealth/

mz.luvzlikehoney

U should keep your baby.Point blank.no one else has to live with the regret of your decision later if you give it up.As long as you have god then anything is possible.So what if your family and the father doesn't agree with you.They are unimportant as of now.I think that you should just get back out there and try to get a job so that you'll be able to support you and your baby.And remember having a baby is very rewarding.

Anha S

You can definitely do this. Take advantage of the programs available to you, you won't need them forever. You wont be without a car or an apartment forever. Adoption is no guarantee either, lots of us adoptees have landed in a place that wasn't so soft or cozy. The father may not want to be involved, but the child has a right to be supported by him if you choose to pursue him in court.

You sound determined, and have already ferreted out a lot of resources for yourself and your baby. Keep telling yourself you can. Pregnancy is scary, and even scarier when you are going it on your own. What you are saying are things that I've heard a lot of pregnant moms say, including myself. Yes you can really do it without support. Its hard, but doable. If you find a respite program, take full advantage of it. Best of luck to you.

Tash

Girl you don't need to pay attention to what other people say just do what you have to do just believe in yourself and you goin to make it. You need to raise that baby so he or she would know who it's biological mother is. I think you need to try to get you a job and save you a few pennies so that you can get you an apartment so you can have a place of your own so when you do have the baby that child will have a home to come to.

Trissh

Just the fact that you are on Y.A. asking this question shows me that you have the right thing for being a mum. Love is the one thing that babies need, and even without money, I am sure that you are able to provide this. Ask the question on Y.A. from other mums who have adopted a baby and see what their emotions are, obviously everyone will have different feeling towards it but at least it will give you an indication of how you may feel in the future if you do decide to adopt (unless you have been the adopter, you could never imagine the emotions of it). The big question is will you emotionally be able to live with the consequences of adopting, if you think no, then maybe it is not the right option for you. All mums are scared, especially when faced with the prospects of being a single mum, this is normal for all mums. You never know what is around the corner for you, maybe you can give your baby just as much of a happy life as an adoptive parent, and not all adopted children have a 100% happy life anyway. If you love your baby and keep a roof over his/her head, clothes on their back and food in their mouth, you can never fail them. Money is not the begin all and end all of life. Most mums have to do it without support because all the well meaning people when you are pregnant aren't there when you need them anyway, so don't worry about this one. You do what is right for you. I am sure you will be fine. Good luck.

Crucio

Well there is aid out there to help you if you want to parent. Honestly there are no guarantees in life money can come and go like the wind. Take for example I am adopted and when I was in middle school we went with out a car for over a year. My mom would get up and walk 3 Â½ miles to work and then back home at that time my dad was looking for a job so he was out on the buss route. We were luckily that we lived in a neighborhood where one could walk to many places the library, grocery stores, Walgreenâ€™s, post office and its locate on the bus route.

Do not be negative say to yourself out loud â€œI will succeed I can do it, I will succeed I can do itâ€ Sure it wouldnâ€™t be a cake walk even more if you truly have few or any support from family or friends. You can not make the father be a dad to your baby but you sure as hell can go after him for child support. And who knows maybe after some time to get use to the idea he will come around if you all were together 3 years that seems rather serious.

You donâ€™t know what kind of mother you will be one can not fail unless they try. If it doesnâ€™t work out you can certainly make other arrangements for your baby. At most you should try to parent since that is clearly what you want to do. If it does not work out at least you can honestly say I gave it my best shot.

sweetjane

Hi,

Go first thing monday morning to your local DHEC/DSS. Tell them about your situation and ask if they can help you. Also, you can contact local food banks and free clinics.....you will need to have a free clinic until you are approved for medicaid....so that you can get your prenatal care for you and your baby. Once you are approved for medicaid, you can go to MANY local doctors for your care. Medicaid will help you with all sorts of things throughout your pregnancy, and also once you have your child. You can also recieve WIC, which will help you with food and formula. It isn't 'easy' to raise a child without support, but you can do it!! Your child needs his/her mommy. You can also get vouchers for housing and child care through these same agencies. Once you get child care in place, you can work and maybe even take some part time classes at a community college....there are all sorts of scholarships you will qualify for. As for 'open adoptions,' PLEASE remember that 'open adoptions' are NOT legally enforcible in ANY state. So, if you choose that route, KNOW that no matter what is said, no matter what ANY party agrees to, adoptive parents are not in ANY WAY required to allow you to have access to your child. MANY adoptive parents NEVER follow through with their 'open adoption' agreements. I wish you well!!
<<Foster mommy

ETA: here is a list of NY based orgs that will help pregnant mothers with services. These are NOT pre-screened....meaning that SOME may push/coerce you towards adoption over raising your own child. I DO NOT support adoption in your case. I think you can raise your child on your own AND get your degree and a job.....with a little help from orgs and the state. http://www.columbia.edu/cu/earl/ccm/ccl/support.html

Birthers are NOT mothers

You made it...RAISE IT!!!!!

â™¥Tomâ™¥ (I'm a Girl)

good luck

Arissa J

well life is hard and i believe you should try your best in supporting this child. continue looking for a job apply for all government assistance and im sure you will make it. Dont let yourself down because the baby's dad left. that should make you angry and stronger that you want to better yourself and prove to everyone that you can do it on your own.

grandwoman

My heart goes out to you.
I am a birthmother and one thing I can tell you is that you will never, ever forget. Of course, my experience was years ago and was not an open adoption, but nonetheless, if I'd had a choice, I would have kept my daughter. I didn't have any choices.
That said, only you can and should make that decision. Do not be influenced by anyone!

beleasha

oh you poor thing, what a hard decision you have to make. Is there anyone that is willing to help you, family, anyone? I wish you the best of luck

ELLY

where is the father of the child?

Lee J

Have you tried finding a crisis pregnancy center? If there's one in your town, they could be a big, big help to you.

They could help you with housing, medical care, and adoption arrangements (if you decide to opt for adoption).

What city are you in? I'll help you find a crisis pregnancy center.

jordansmom

Only you can decide what is best for you and your baby. But I can tell you what I think I would do. And I say what I think I would do because I am not in your situation, so I can't say for sure. I am 36, married and pregnant with my 3rd child. I have to tell you, being a parent is hard work. A lot harder and a lot more expensive then I ever thought. I am lucky to be in a good financial situation... and I have the love and support of my husband and family.... But if I didn't, and I was young and single... First, I think I would have terminated the pregnancy. But I realize not everyone agrees with that... and that is fine, and good. The next thing I would do is adoption. If I knew I could not give that baby everything it needed, I don't think I would think twice about giving it up. Love will NOT solve all the problems, because I have no doubt you would love that baby to death, but perhaps you should take that love and see what would really be best for it. In these times of economic problems, and unplanned baby is not the best thing. Again, let me stress, money or no money, you will love the baby. I am not doubting that, it is just that daycare, health insurance, medicines, food, clothing, baby gear... it is a lot...

As for getting a job... do you look pregnant? Of course it is illegal not to hire someone because they are pregnant, but they can find another reason not to hire you. Employers don't want to hire someone they see as a risk. It really is about money for them. Especially now.

As for adoptions, I have a few friends that were adopted, and they are so happy they were placed with the families that they are with. Very good, loving, stable people. Plus you can do open adoptions... The baby can find you in 18 years.

It is a very personal choice you need to make. I wish you luck.

I'm praying for you!

I know this might not be what you'd like to hear, but you are pregnant, so I'd forget about college for now and get a full time job so you can raise your baby. After you are up on your feet, then it would be time to consider college.

MKGirl

Well why don't you have a JOB? Just because your pregnant doesn't give you a reason to not work. And the Public bus works for people all the time to get there to were they need to get to.

But if you want to go on the adoption path, you should look into open adoptions. That way you can still be a part of the baby's life, but someone that wants and can raise your child can.

katie.

I wish I could understand how you feel but ive never been in any situation like that, I just turned 20 yesterday and the past couple years I thought about what I would do if i was ever faced with that situationnn..There is always OPEN adoption so you still have contact? or if your mom or someone would step up, that would help you.. because no one wants to go through something like that especially at your age.. I really feel for you hunny! & I hope everything works out for you...

I have bad feeling ill never get pregnant as ive been trying for the last couple months so maybe one day ill rely on adoption and have someone like you willing to give up a life for what they believe to be for the better..

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