Respite care for Foster parents....?

opedial

I fostered, and respite was awesome. It is like babysittin really. You aren't dealing with the larger issues with the children like the foster parents are, and the children know they are with you almost like seeing a babysitter. It is not like moving to another home, because they know they are going back to the foster home. (and hopefully home home later)

I would do respite in between our own foster placements to help other foster parents out. Having the child for a week was a kick we found. We got to be more like cool foster auntie's and were able to do fun things with the children etc. Sometimes respite for the foster parents is also like a vacation for the children, a little trip away from reality. (unless their are visits etc. for that week, then you may deal with different emtotions.)

See, many foster children go through a "honeymoon" period where they are trying to please, and think "hey, this is a fun place', or, "I am not invested in these people to act up too much" Then the reality sinks in and they start to get a bit more anxious and will start to really really test you. It does fade (in some cases, not all, depending on the right match between you and the foster child).

So when doing respite, you get more of that "honeymoon" period where you aren't going to get as much acting out, which all the by providing a good service for the foster parents.

Once we had respite just for one weekend for three boys. Holy moly they were the most active boys I had ever met. When they left, I said "geez, I am glad that was just respite because I honestly don't think I could have sustained that energy for a long time".

So it is a good start to do respite, to get to know some children, some foster parents, who I will tell you can be your greatest support network!

Best of luck and good for you for taking this next step. It is a thankless job that can be very stressful, but when I see a family successfully reunite, I feel so happy that I was able to be a small part of it!

ETA: Reading Looney Tunes, I def. see a differnce in perception. If used properly, Respite care for me was used when I had a particularily high needs child and I decided I needed to use my five days per year. (that is what we got)

To comepare not needing respite as a bio parent to foster, we have to understand that fostering is not just looking after someone else's child, it is also being part of a case plan, taking children to visit's and many many specialist appointments. It means juggling two children (or more!) from different families, phone calls from parents crying about missing their children, dealing with extra behaviours of acting out from some foster children etc. Believe me, sometimes you just have to take abreak from it. And I could NEVER leave a child when taking a vacation etc. I always put in to take the children; however, their were cases where the social worker would not allow the child to go because it woudl interfere with teh visit schedule. We tried to not take too many vacations, but if we did we tried to take the kids. We woudl only use respite for those really really really hard to manage children, to take a few days to ourselves to better refresh to deal with the new challenges.

Thanks.

âœ§ â“â“˜â“›â“¨ â™¥ kaelers, emy & bella

I have to agree with Looney Tunes that respite care needs to be done away with. I'm fostering my two nieces, so it's a little different having been a part (if not a somewhat distant part) of their lives since birth, but I couldn't think of dropping them off at someone elses' house. You wouldn't drop your natural kids off at some virtual strangers' house if things got a bit tough, would you? NO. Foster children deserve all the respect and the same treatment that biological and adopted children have.

Also as a former foster myself, no matter how "nice" respite caregivers are, it is NEVER comfortable, it is NEVER fun, and it always feels like abandonment and makes the kids feel like sh*t.

That it's in high demand just shows you how broken the foster system really is, that foster parents think they can just drop their foster children for a while if things get tough.

sweetjane

Here are 2 sites with some helpful info about this subject. I haven't done it and didn't even know about it until you mentioned it. I do have one question to you. Why be a respite for foster families? I think that is a great thing, but I am wondering....looking at these articles, I see that you can be a respite caregiver for natural families as well. Why wouldn't you want to do that instead? I guess, my point is, separation from the child's natural family is the last option....and one that should be avoided at all costs. If more people could provide respite care for natural mothers to seek training, therapy, treatment, a job, or just a break, perhaps the mother could be reunited with her child and the child not placed in foster care to begin with. Just a question, not meaning to be ugly.

http://adoption.about.com/cs/fostercare/a/Prepare_respite.htm
http://www.archrespite.org/archfs32.htm

ETA: hey, LT, sorry I am so uninformed. I didn't think about it from that perspective. I was wondering....I know your particular situation was more difficult than many others....but had you just had a natural mom who was on drugs, for example, would it have been helpful/unhelpful to have someone care for you while she sought help/treatment for a couple of weeks? Or would temporary foster care cover that need?

corcoranfaire

While waiting on a foster placement, we did respite care for about 8 months and will start doing it again soon. It was in high demand because foster parents can't really use a regular baby sitter. We did respite care for the same kids on a regular basis and got really attached to them.

We mostly did respite care for a sibling group of 4 off and on (and still see them on a regular basis). We usually had one or 2 at a time, since we are only certified to have 2 additional children (they ranged from age 1-5). We had them for a week when the foster parents were considering moving and were out of state looking for a home. Other times, some of the kids were sick, we took the well ones so they all wouldn't get sick. One time the adopted daughter in the same household had her appendix burst and we had the children for 2 weeks. The sibling group of 4 are available for adoption now and I wish we could adopt them, but with our current foster adopt daughter, we have 3 children under the age 18, and one over the age 18, and the limit is 6 children in a household, and we would be one over, that and we would have to get our certification changed.

We also did respite care for 3 weeks for a 14 month who had just come into care while the foster parents were oversees visiting her parents (he was only with his foster family for 2 weeks and didn't have time to get him a visa or permission). We still see him about every month as well. His parents are doing everything needed and he should be going back with them soon.

Lastly, we did respite care several times for a teen currently in a group home that is working on being able to live with a foster family. We see her about once a month and have requested that she stay with us for Christmas vacation, since when we talked last week, she mentioned she didn't have any plans for Christmas (her parents weren't available). They are checking with her caseworker and we hope to hear back soon.

We felt comfortable with all the children we did respite care with, although the first few nights with the year old were tough. I think it helps that we see all the children on a regular basis, at trainings, parties, or respite. We try to make them feel comfortable and the ones old enough to ask have all asked to come back numerous times, so I had assumed they felt comfortable, but reading the above maybe they didn't.

We haven't used respite care though. For Thanksgiving, we got permission to take our almost 4 month old foster adopt child out of State and did. However, it took almost a month to get DFPS permission, even with a court order that said we could with DFPS approval. After lots of emails and phone calls, we didn't hear until the afternoon of the business day before we were going. If she didn't get approved to go, we weren't sure if everyone would stay home or if my husband would have stayed with her and I would have taken the other children to see their Grandparents and relatives they only see once a year.

We have spent the last few months focusing on our new daughter, but have said just last week that we were ready to start doing respite for the same children if there is a need and hoping to be able to spend Christmas with another one of them. Everyone in our household really enjoyed getting to know the children who stayed with us and I wouldn't hesitate to continue doing it.

One thing that you should do early on (depending on the age and comprehension of the child) is to let them know about your house (explain your normal routine as you go through it). Learn about them: make sure they have some privacy, do they need any extra covers, do they sleep with anything in particular, do they have a bedtime routine, make sure you have extra sheets if they wet the bed, go over if they can go to the bathroom by themselves, need help dressing, when you eat, what they like to eat, are they alergic to anything, where you eat, what medications they take and when, who they can call, get a copy of their medical card in case they need it, and make sure you have a number to call of the foster parent so if you have any questions. Also, you can email me if you have any questions.

Good luck - for us, we have met some great children by doing respite.

sizesmith

It's a shame, but it's almost impossible to have a babysitter watch a child, since they haven't been in the foster parenting courses, and you have to have a babysitter, no matter how briefly. For instance, I'm about to become a foster parent, and if I were to go out of state to a family get together for Christmas, the child would have to stay with respite care people.

I cannot leave my soon to be foster (to adopt) child with my babysitter of 17 years, because she's not state approved.

Once we adopt, we will remain approved to do some respite care, especially for the people I've been to class with, and that way, we'll get together at least once a month with the kids, and get to know them before they might ever have to have a day off. We're all hoping that this works out better for the kids they have in their care.

One thing our instructor was always clear about, not like other F care instructors, is to have the willpower to say no if you think there's ever a time that you for any reason feel you can't do what's best for the child. For instance, if you don't think you could handle a 15 year old that wets the bed every time at a strangers, then say no, rather than quitting foster care after you get so mad because the bed's wet. Some of the foster parents don't get paid unless it's an overnight process is why some kids get left overnight, which I disagree with.

I pray that you have the courage to stick with it, love the kids, no matter what they might do, and that you make a difference in a child's life for the better. Good luck!

Theresa

We had a boy years back that we fostered and we took him everywhere we went. That includes Vacation and all fun things. He was a part of our family. I would never treat a child like they were less than a part of our family. However, he was an easy child. For those foster parents taking care of mentally or physically challenging children, I can easily see why you would need respite. This would hold true for anyone taking care of older family members or bio children that are handicapp. We all need a break. We are hoping to adopt a boy we are doing respite for. He is up for adoption and we want him. Has anyone else been in this situation? He wants a family so bad and cried during our visit. We want him but we can't tell him. It breaks my heart.

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