Reunited adoptees: A question about your natural & your adoptive families...?

Gershom

I've intentionally kept them apart. I want no part of my families thanking each other for me. And celebrating the pain of adoption because each are so proud of me. I told them all from the very beginning, I won't be there for the "thank you" "i love you" ceremony. Adoption hurt me, its nothing to celebrate. I wont allow anyone to "thank" my first mother for her pain, for her poverty, for her "selfless act of loving kindness" that cause her a lifetime of pain. I won't allow anyone to treat MY adoption like it was a win win, when it wasn't. It ruined my mothers life, she was lied to, manipulated and treated like a bottom feeder once they got me from her.

PhilM

They know of each other.

My adad seems to have no interest in anything to do with my first mom. So I don't really talk to him about her.

My amom seems very interested in my first mom. My first mom sent her a Christmas card, and my amom reciprocated. It seems to have gone well.

We all live pretty far apart. I'm about twelve hours from either family, and they are about twelve hours from each other, so not much chance of meeting. Though it's possible that both my moms could visit me at the same time (and they both might enjoy that). We'll see.

I don't know how helpful that is, but it's what has happened so far.

LaurieDB

They know of each other but have never met. Personally, I think it would be better if they did meet. My natural family would be fine with it, but my adoptive family admittedly has insecure feelings about it.

snowwillow20

The first meeting with my birthdaughter was at a restaurant and her amom came. She was angry that we had found them. The adad died in 1977 so she has a stepdad and we haven't met him. They don't want to have anything to do with us so we said OK. She keeps us separate, their choice.

Andraya

I think my adad was more excited about my reunion than I was. Deep down it gave him hope that his own relinquished daughter might find him, she did 5 years later.

My nmom has met my afamily but my ndad hasn't. My adad sees my nmom as an extended family member. While they aren't close they do talk on occasion. My nsis hasn't met any of my afamily but has had phone conversations with some of them. For me it is a good thing. I don't see any one side as more my family than the next.

Anastasia Beaverhousen

My bparents and aparents have never met and never will. My bfather died about 14 years ago and my bmom is not worth the time to introduce my aparents to. I don't think it is necessary for them to meet. I don't even talk to my bmom.

mlassi65

My aparents knew I was searching but afather died before I found nfam. I did not have contact with my amother, so i dont know if my asibs told her I had found my nfam. My asibs were very happy for me but havent met my nfam. Mainly due to geography.

Problem Child

They do know of each other but have never met.
I would feel so uncomfortable having them meet. I don't know why, other than I'm afraid they would "compare notes".
Irrational, I know, but I've always been mistrustful and have compartmentalized my life.
My motto: TRUST NO ONE.

rachael

they havent met yet. like lauriedb, biological parents are ok with it but adoptive parents are a little insecure. i think the day will come though. it is easier for me to bring them up now. before when i would say anything about my birthmother they would say "lori who?"
they dont do that any more.

â™¥bigmammaâ™¥

Yes, my grandmother adopted me. I just found out a few years ago that my sister is actually my mom. She waited until my grandma died to tell me....I still consider her my mom and my birth mom my sister though. Kinda wish I never knew.

lucy02

My adopted father was already deceased when I met my birthmom and my birthmom died 2 months after I met her so my adopted Mom never met her either. I didn't tell my adopted Mom that I was searching cause she has bipolar and I was afraid it was stress her out but I did eventually tell her. She was fine with it.

Phoenix

They know of each other. They've contacted each other directly and also through me. My a parents have met my b mom and her family, and will be meeting my b dad and his family soon. Everyone's been great about it all. They've all sent each other Christmas cards and stuff.
I've been very lucky.

amii

i've always known my real dad, but i've never realli nown my real mum and when i met her again last year i felt awkward and didnt realli want to go and c her.
ive been adopted from when i was a baby and im happie being adopted.

My parents knew something of my biological mother, as did I.
Before my brother passed away from AIDS he found our biological mother and went to see her.
Upon his visit to her she told him not to let her husband know that he was her son, as she did not what her husband to know that she gave up not 1 child, but 6 children, and her husband didn't know she has ever had any children.... WOW !
lmao

Another sister of mine who I do not know went to see her as well and my biological mother told her , she did not know her, did not want her there trying to ruin her life, and that she NEVER had any children!

I was told this by my brother.
So while sometimes children are places in positions where they recieve harm, one never knows which situation is better or worse for them??????

As for me I can not say that I liked any of it, I am grateful that I had a family who took care of me the best they could, for whatever brokeness there might have been as a result of blinders,.....

I am who I am today because of the experiences.

shawty

my natural family has met my parents and that did not go very well with my adoptive father he likes to think that i belong to him and that i am betraying him by contacting my natural family. But now that my natural father is dead ( he died in 1993) i got a chance to meet him and saw him a handful of times thanks to my mother but i will never know him like i would like to now that i am older. i also hear from his family what a wonderful person he was but i have no memories of him. I do resent my mother for that because my adoptive father is my brother and sisters natural father and we all have the same natural mother.

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