Right or Wrong?

Freckle Face

Hi Lovinglife,

I don't think there is a right or a wrong answer here. Its life. You lived it and made the best decision you could at that moment of time. You can't go back and change time so stand strong by your decision or you could drive yourself mad. I'm so happy to hear that you have a relationship with your son's adoptive family. If that is a positive family relationship for you cling to it.

I'm a little disturbed by your family not standing by you during your pregnancy. I am sure their inability to stand by you in your time of need helped influence your decision to place your child for adoption. NOW they want to crucify you for making that decision? UGH! Find loving, supportive people who care about you like family. I would distance yourself from your unsupportive family. Maybe they will come around in time and maybe they won't but don't let them keep dragging you down.

best of luck!

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Alion

First your family refuses to let you come back home,then they
cut you off for making a choice they practically forced you to
make? You made the right decision,and they are unsupportive idiots. I think you're better off without them,and it's their loss.

Jennifer L

This decision was yours and only yours to make. I think your family should have supported you in whatever decision you made. This kind of emotional blackmail is just as cruel as the family that threatens to disown a woman unless she places her child for adoption or has an abortion. They are two sides to the same coin.

With the added trauma of the date rape experience, this is especially cruel. I hope you find the help you need.

I don't think you can make them accept your child's adoptive parents. Either they will come around, or they won't. Honestly, I wouldn't give your family one iota of energy worrying about what they might think. Keep in contact with your child and your daughter's adoptive family. Don't let your own family have any more power or control over you. What they did was horrible. They are the selfish ones.

Good luck.

Brianna

Please accept your family for who they are and don't try to make them accept anything. Also, don't let them make you second-guess your decision. You did the right thing. You loved your daughter enough to make sure she would have what she needs in life.

You need to change your mentality on this whole thing. You did not "give your daughter away", you placed her with a good family and you said it yourself: you gave her a better life.

I placed my son with a good family 11 years ago and have never regretted that decision. He is the happiest child you could ever hope to see. He knows he's adopted and knows that he's loved.

If your family wants to remain bitter about your choice, let them. They don't need to accept the people you chose for your daughter. You made a very tough and mature decision at 18 and it was an act of love.

Who Am I

Uh????? Just what did you expect from a family who turned their backs on you?????

~Lauren~

I praise you for not having an abortion. There are many families who can't have children. I think you made a good decision. I'm sorry for what happened to you. As far as your family don't worry about what they say they didn't welcome you back home so therefor leave it at that. Best of luck

erica12161982

They are wrong. It was your choice, your body, your, life, and the childs life. At least you gave the child life. Your parents and family are the selfish ones. They would rather fight then get to know more family and their grandchild? That is ridiculous. At least you can somewhat be a part of your childs life and see that he/she has a good life and is taken care of. Cheer up.. You cant make them accept them as a family, they have to be mature enough to do it themselves. Dont stress about it. Think of what a great parent you will be when you are ready again. You made one right decision then that turned out to have a positive outcome.

Steph

i think you were right.
its not fair to the child or you, if you have to spend your time taking care of it, or if you just put it in a darecare centre!
im sure your daughter will grow up with a better life with the other family.

Ashley33

You can't really change the decision you made then. So there's no point in second guessing it, and bring yourself down.

It doesn't matter what your family thinks. They don't have to talk to the couple, or accept them as family. You've accepted them into your life, and that's all you can do.

You don't need their permission to have contact with your daughter. You're an adult now.

Sherry B

Why would you care what they think? They played a big part in this. Didn't you say they wouldn't let you come back home? They turned their back on you when you needed them most. Now they probably feel guilty and instead of apologizing to you they will treat you horribly so you will go away. If they don't have to see you, it is easier for them to forget what they did.
I support your decision 100%. It was a very brave, wise choice.

mommy2squee

Short version: you can't.

Someday they will regret not having contact with your child and her family. My son's grandmother refused to acknowledge that he existed, and was adamant about not wanting anyone in the family to have contact with him, so her husband, my son's grandfather, died without ever meeting him. It crushed his mom. I don't think she's forgiven her mother yet.

Just because you can't change them doesn't make them right. Right now they are hurting. They've suffered a loss too, and being across the country doesn't make for easy visits. This is hard. but I hope someday, your family comes around, and decides to do the right thing, and allows your daughter and her parents into their lives.

Ryan's mom

They refused to help you and they call YOU selfish? You DEFINITELY made the right decision. Your baby has a loving, stable home and you are still able to have contact. Tell your family that if they were willing to help you out maybe you would have made a different choice.

sizesmith

I believe it takes a couragous woman to face a family like yours. You at least stay in contact with your child, and will always tell your child you love her, and are still a member of her family. So many kids get left in bad situations, and being the product of a rape, it can be worse sometimes. Many single moms end up abusive, not by choice, but because they are so overwhelmed by parenthood on their own.

What's done is done, and can't be undone. Now is the time for your family to accept what is, and begin the healing process, because in their eyes, they lost a granddaughter, along with the innocense (in their eyes) of their own daughter. Try to keep a scrapbook of your daughter, with pictures, when you find out when she loses her first tooth, etc. It can never be that there are too many people who love a child, as long as they show respect to her situation.
I'm an adoptive mother myself, and I've given birth, and it is never an easy decision to let a child live with someone else. However, it takes an act of love to let the child be raised by someone else, and I commend you for still being in her life, that way she will always know what happened. I always worry about my son's birth mom, and I hear stories about her and feel so helpless, almost like survivor guilt, because I am so blessed with my son, and I can't imagine the loss you and she are going through, but I thank God and my son's first mom for what I do have, a beautiful son, who I hope we can all love forever.

puppysyndrome

First of all you are to be commended for the mature way you have handled this. Like so many girls these days, you could have chosen abortion as an easy out but you obviously put a lot of thought into your decision and how lovely for you and your daughter that you can still be a part of her life through her adoptive parents.

I think your family is being most unfair and rather mean for saying the things they've said to you. If they had of shown you some support when you were pregnant and let you come home, perhaps you could have kept your baby and all of you would be together as a family. By not offering their assistance to you, they have also lost out on getting to know and love a beautiful little granddaughter. I've no doubt but they are regretting their decision to shut you out, but they are probably too embarrassed to admit it.

Your new extended family seems more supportive to you than your own family.
Please don't second guess yourself. I'd give you a great big hug if I could. You deserve a pat on the back and your little girl is very lucky to have you for a mother.....even if you are not involved in her life in that capacity.
Maybe, and hopefully in time your family will come around.... but it they don't, it's their loss....it's them as well as their granddaughter who are missing out because of their attitude.

*T*

You did what you feel is best..... it has to be hard, it was a hard decision and it still may hurt to this day. I commend you for not aborting and chosing to carry the baby and give it a good life. Let me tell you something, that's your families loss....
They may feel uncomfortable........I don't know why....
They may be angry...
But guess what, it's not thier life...
You can't MAKE them do anything or change thier minds...you can try to express your feeling and be patient, but the rest is up to them. Like I said, it's thier loss. Its a tough situation, but you will get through it!!

babygirl

thanks for not having a abortion &choosing life felel no guilt you know the parents and obviously they are willing the let her know her real family they should be ashamed unforunate things happen to people & they make mistakes you are wonderful and did a unselfish act no support system its almost impossible for a eighteen year old to raise a baby many deadly mistakes can be made to bring the baby harm it is so much involved doctors'babysitting'fevers'shots etc tell them that jealous girl said they are the selfish ones and has no sense of what family is about family stick together through thick & thin reguardless what wrong or right or mistake or tradedy they can no way judge you so dont waist your time paying them any attention where were they when you needed them!!!

Ray E

Sorry they are right

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